I’ve been having a hard time staying in contact with friends lately. I think it’s my bipolar depression that makes me not want to connect with people; even when I want to connect with people, it’s a difficult activity. It takes a lot of work to stay in contact with people. Talking to people, whether they are family or friends, often feels like work, even when I’m talking to people who I want to talk to. It maybe something similar to emotional detachment, or it could be a reaction from my PTSD due to fear.
I do my best to stay in contact with a couple of people, such as my husband and mother. However, it gets harder and harder as time goes on. I’ve always been such a talker, so I find it weird that talking to people is so difficult for me. I notice that as time goes on, I talk to fewer people. Especially my friends; I let go of them when I’m struggling because it’s too much for me to manage. While I separate myself from them, I’m thinking of them often. When I’m doing better, I then try to reach out to my friends. I’m lucky enough to have friends and family members understand what I’m going through and they don’t judge me for separating myself from them.
My Side of the Pole 
for me, you described depression’s good friend, isolation. for me, the deeper my depression becomes the stronger my desire to isolate. well, maybe it’s not a desire. the increased isolation feel unavoidable in a similar manner as the depression feeling deeper.
all you have maintain your connections and then you can’t isolate. yah right. i recognize and live the impossibility of avoiding isolation whenever i go into a deeper depression. i find that little “all” so hard to live.
finally, i hope you realize everything you like someone’s post or comment or reply to something someone said, you are choosing to not give to isolation. it may not seem like much,but it’s a start.
i’ve also come to realize, as i recover, i can work to repair the damaged connections and hopefully create new connections that can help me fight of the evil isolation when it rears its ugly head.
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I do find that I seek isolation the deeper my depression gets. I could spend all day, every day, alone. I would be much happier alone than I would be around others. Luckily, my friends and family are very understanding regarding my desires to isolate.
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i find isolation as less of a choice and more of an imposition of the depression. if it where a choice, just a smattering of people facing depression would also face isolation. since just about every person who faces depression also struggles with isolation, i see it as more of a package deal; you can’t have depression without the isolation. i see that something about depression makes me retreat into myself. is it i don’t want to share my gloomy place? is it the big d makes me feel as i am not worthy of friends? is it a conservation of energy, since i have so little energy, the energy is kept to myself, as a tool do survival, and not put to maintaining connections? for me, i have friends that i trusted and respected but depression imposes its will on me mixing together the above three circumstances for me to retreat into my little egg.
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I know exactly what you are talking about. I have isolated myself myself from just about everyone in my life. I don’t contact people unless they contact me first.
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A lot of your friends like me totally understand, as we are going through the Dane thing!
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Isolation is not our friend. It’s our enemy. If it succeeds our disease takes over and we begin the downward spiral unsure if we’ll ever be able to get out. I have found the best way is to get out physically and mentally. Change things up. For instance, I may just take a walk or drive somewhere and do some window shopping (which I can’t stand). Do something you like to do, for yourself, outside of your home (preferably with someone). When I get back, my mind is reset, “What was I doing?” I just start over.
Keeping things inside me can be deadly. I have to express what is going on. I don’t have good contact with my family. I still have barriers/hurdles I’m trying to overcome. My friends come and go, they become acquaintances. But there are a few that I still contact. I reach out to them. If they respond good, if they don’t, I don’t fret over it. If I don’t reach out for help, how is someone suppose to know what I’m going through? Eventually someone gets back at the right time.
For me, as a recovering alcoholic, I have meetings to attend too. I know there are meetings and telephone numbers to all for all kinds of services in the mental health field. Use them. Don’t be ashamed to use them. Someone on the other side knows exactly what you’re going through.
The point is don’t lose hope. When we lose hope, bad things tend to happen. We don’t think right. We convince ourselves we’re alone and no one understands. From my experience, that is not the case at all, as expressed by many of those that read your blog. Just don’t give up.
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That was great advise. Thank you so much for your input, I really appreciate it.
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