I’m trying to get settled into our new house, but it seems to be a never-ending job. We have a lot of stuff that we are going to donate to Goodwill. They are even going to come out and pick it up because it’s too big and too heavy for us to bring to them. Now is when my anxiety and fears kick in. Simply calling to ask them to come pick everything up is difficult for me. I can’t have them come to the house unless my husband is here, otherwise I’m simply asking for a panic attack. The idea of anyone I don’t know coming over scares me. I wish I could get over this fear. I wish I could get my heart to calm down when the doorbell rings or when someone knocks on the door. I’ll just keep trying.

Yesterday, my husband and I received our ID cards for the HOA that we live in now. This place is amazing. They have so many clubs and activities that we can use/join. There’s a pottery club that both me and my husband want to join. We met a couple of people there yesterday (I had taken a Valium) and they were really nice. We have to call this one woman who will teach us what we need to know to begin, since neither of us have any experience. Once you’ve learned how to do it, you can do the work on your own. I’ve been trying to get up the courage all day to call this woman, and I still can’t do it. There are other options like a woodworking shop, a workout room, a pool, a Pinochle club, and much more. I don’t think I’ll be able to do any of it on my own, at least for now. My husband provides me with comfort. Once I feel comfortable at the recreation center with him, maybe I’ll try going without him, but that won’t happen for a while.

I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to get the courage to do something new or different. It’s probably because of the PTSD. I’ve come a long way in regards to my PTSD, but I still have quite a way to go. Each time that I push myself to try something new or different, I grow stronger and more capable. I just have to remember not to overdo it. It’s okay to give myself a break.

I'm a 32 year old married woman who has been dealing with Bipolar disorder since the age of 14. This is all about my life, diagnoses, and treatments. If you have any questions, just ask me. I hope that others with Bipolar Disorder or PTSD can relate to my blog and find it helpful.

2 thoughts on “Settling Into Our New Home and New Community”

  1. i feel for you and your fear of a panic attack letting a stranger into your house. i hope you can take solace knowing that a large percentage of woman are in the same boat as you. that’s not really that unusual. i know that doesn’t lessen your fear but i hope you can find comfort that you’re not alone.

    a funny story about pinochle: our family was a pinochle family and it was a near requirement to have some rudimentary understanding of pinochle. my sister escaped that.

    one time, she was was at gramma’s and they needed a fourth for pinochle. gramma beckoned my sister to join. my sister informed her she didn’t know to play. my gramma said they’d teach her to play, so she joined. the first hand was dealt, and my sister stared at the 12 cards with no idea what to do. then my gramma said, “okay, bid.”

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