Spill

Spill

I was really on top of everything that was happening yesterday. I decided to prepare the meal, which was Chicken Tetrazzini, ahead of time and then simply put it in the oven when my husband heads home from work. I spent about an hour preparing the food, I put it in the casserole dish, top it with parmesan cheese, covered it with tin foil, and then, I dropped it as I picked it up. It was another one of my twitches, myoclonic jerks, from the Lithium. Not only did I drop the meal I had worked hard on to make, I also dropped my favorite casserole dish that I got as a gift when we got married.

I immediately got angry at myself, angry at my medication, and angry about my situation in general. I cleaned everything up while mumbling negatively under my breath. I spoke to my husband and I vented to him. He was kind and said he would replace my favorite dish. It helped me begin a little. I came to realize that I was lucky I didn’t get hurt when the dish broke. Trying to look at this in a more positive manner helped me feel a little better. I’m now going around in circles in my head; I’m positive, then negative, over and over, and I probably will that way for the rest of the night.

I’m worried. I was lucky that what I dropped didn’t hurt me. What if I was picking up a pot filled with boiling water? I could serious get hurt. I love cooking, I would be extremely upset if I ended up not being able to cook on a regular basis anymore. If that were to happen, I would decide to go off of Lithium, which is what causes the twitching. My mind keeps going through all of the different possibilities. I need to get my mind off of this; there’s nothing I can do about it now anyways.