I’m writing this while on my first flight; there are no direct flights from Phoenix to Hartford. My husband and I are traveling through the night. We have a 4 hour layover in Charlotte. I’d rather have a long layover than a short one; I hate the stress of thinking I might miss my second flight. My first flight was late due to some kind of maintenance issues (I think). If I had chosen the shorter layover, I probably would have missed my second flight.
The Phoenix airport was busier than I thought it would be, causing my anxiety to rise. I can’t stand it when people just walk all over the place. People should walk on one side of the hallway to go one direction and the opposite side to go the other way, like when driving. However, people don’t do that. They just walk wherever they feel like, pushing their way through the crowds.
I’m sitting in an aisle seat on the plane. People keep bumping into me every time they walk past me. There is no such thing as personal space when traveling via commercial plane. I did fall asleep on my husband’s shoulder for about 45 minutes. At least I got some sleep, it’s better than nothing; I’m not going to count on getting any more. I wonder how busy the Charlotte airport with be. All the chaos and anxiety of flying are completely worth it because I get to see my family at the end of my travels.
I had so much to do today before the SuperShuttle picks up me and my husband at 9:30pm. I had a doctor’s appointment, prescriptions to fill at two different pharmacies, several errands to run, and I still had to finish packing. Luckily, my husband offered to help out and take care of the car insurance renewal. Vacation is just around the corner! I’m so excited!
I slept about 7 hours last night and I’m very happy about that. I won’t get much sleep tonight on a red eye flight. I’m hoping to be able to take a nap before we leave. Hopefully, the airport won’t be too busy when we get there. I figured that I’ll need one Valium while traveling, but I don’t want to take any more that that. I don’t like having to take it on a regular basis. However, since life has been so busy lately, I have had to take more than I normally do.
My anxiety keeps increasing. The more I get done and get closer I get to completing all the packing, the more my anxiety rises. That’s weird. I think it should be the other way around; I should feel more relaxed with the more complete. It’s probably more excitement than anxiety; I can’t wait to be with my family.
While I was cleaning up yesterday, I dropped another dish and it broke. It fell on my foot before hitting the ground, and I’m lucky that it didn’t hurt. Of course, this was another serving dish that I got as a wedding present. At least there wasn’t any food on the dish like last time. Maybe I shouldn’t be picking things up anymore, but where do I draw the line? I never know when my hands are going to twitch. It’s completely random.
I’m about halfway packed and so stressed out, I can’t wait for vacation to start. I slept about 3 hours on Sunday night, which is probably what made Monday a difficult day for me. Why is it so hard and stressful to prepare for vacation? As if the regular day-to-day stressful events of life aren’t stressful enough. Hopefully I will get a good night’s sleep tonight and a better day tomorrow.
It seems that I don’t know how to say no to anyone or anything. This time, it is affecting my husband. I tried to explain to him how difficult it is for me, but I don’t think he understood (not for a lack of trying). This is something that I really need to work on, but for some reason I haven’t found the right time to try it. Every time I come close to saying no to someone/something, I have an anxiety attack and freeze up. It becomes literally impossible for me to say no. I wonder if I’ll ever get over this. I suppose it’s one of my biggest fears.
Why am I awake? I have so much to do tomorrow. There are only two days until I leave and I have way too much to get done. My to-do list is so long, I hope I can get it all done. A good night’s sleep would really be helpful, but of course that’s not going to happen tonight. I would like to get started on my list right now, but that would make too much noise and wake up my husband.
I can’t wait to be with my family, I miss them all so much. I’m overly excited to spend time with my mom, siblings, aunt, grandma, nieces, nephew, and some good friends. Maybe it’s the excitement that is keeping me from sleeping. That seems like a good explanation.
I made it through another family get-together. There were only a total of 10 people, but I only knew 2 of these people. This was a long overdue family reunion. I took a Valium on my way over there, and it kicked in just in time. I automatically introduced myself to people when I arrived, which is something I would never normally do; thank you Valium. I offered to help out in the kitchen, and I ended up doing a lot. I was even hugging people when I said goodbye at the end of the night. It’s amazing what 10mg of Valium will do.