Eating Healthy – No More Night Eating

Eating Healthy – No More Night Eating

I’m working hard at eating healthy. It’s not an easy thing, but I’m trying. My doctor was talking to me about getting healthy and losing weight. She kept talking to me as if I was stupid and didn’t know what I’m supposed to be eating. I explained to her that I know what I should eat, but knowing doesn’t really mean much. There’s a huge difference between knowing something and putting it into action.

With food, my worst time of day is at night, specifically in the middle of the night between 11pm and 5am. I don’t know why I eat things then. When I can’t sleep, it seems like I fill my bored, tired body with food. It’s completely unnecessary, but I do it anyways. I can eat healthy all day long and then I go and mess it up in the middle of the night for no reason. I’m going to keep working on it. I’ll try again tonight not to eat for no reason.

Food is another addiction of mine. I’m already sober from drugs and alcohol. I know I need to add food to that list, but it’s a really hard thing to do. I’m grateful to have all the love and support that I do have. My family is understanding and encouraging.

Getting Healthy Again – A Much Needed Change

Getting Healthy Again – A Much Needed Change

When I woke up this morning, I finally decided to make a much-needed change. I’m not exactly sure what has pushed me to make this decision, but am going to start working on losing some weight and getting healthier. I want to do this for many reasons, but the main reason is because I deserve it.

I’m going to start cooking and eating better. It all starts with a healthy grocery trip, which I did successfully this afternoon. I feel pretty good that I made it through my first day. It wasn’t easy. I’ve even been looking for some healthy recipes I’m willing to make. Most of all, there will be no more eating out of boredom, anger, or any other emotions. I also will be watching my portion sizes.

I expect this to be difficult, but I know I can do it because I’ve done it before, multiple times. I started out with today being a very successful day.

Aphasia and Memory Loss

Aphasia and Memory Loss

I’ve been struggling more and more lately with memory problems. There are so many things in my past that are completely blank, which does have some benefits. However, there are negatives as well. For example, I don’t remember what pushed me over the side and decided to get sober. I don’t remember most of my childhood and I don’t even remember my time in college when I was taking classes on campus.

In addition to my memory problems, I’m also having a hard time finding the right words when speaking. I did some research and found out that this is called Aphasia. There are different types of Aphasia. Mine appears to be Expressive Aphasia, which is when the person knows what they want to say, but has a hard time communicating it to others. I’m worried that this is going to get worse. It’s been pretty difficult and annoying to deal with. I see my psychiatrist at ECT tomorrow morning, so I will probably mention it to him and see what he has to say.

A Pack Of Coyotes

A Pack Of Coyotes

My husband and I took Achilles for a walk last night, as we always do. We wait until late, about 10pm, to make sure it’s cooled off enough for Achilles. The high yesterday was 114 degrees. Even when the temperature cools down, the pavement is still hot and takes extra time to cool off. During our walk, we saw a pack of coyotes, there were three of them. They were about 200 feet away. I’m not scared of one coyote, but when they’re in a pack, they are much more powerful and very scary, at least to me. Luckily, Achilles didn’t notice the coyotes. If he did, he probably would have wanted to investigate. Instead, they pack went on their way, probably hunting rabbits. One of our neighbors let us know that there are coyotes around, but I never thought I would run into a pack, especially at night when we were walking on the main road. I was really nervous for the rest of the walk, but I made it through until we got home. I won’t let this stop me from taking walks. I will just make sure I’m prepared for any issue.

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day to my dad, my husband, and all of the other fathers out there. Father’s Day is usually a difficult day for me. I lost my father about 14 years ago. He died after being sick for about 6 years. I was 12 years old when he was diagnosed with cancer, and I was 18 years old when he died. It’s still hard. I’m still crying, and I still feel alone at times, but it has improved.

My dad still is the most amazing man I’ve ever known. He knew how to be responsible, dependable, and intelligent, while also knowing how to have fun and enjoy life. When I was young, my dad and I were best friends. We would go skiing or flying together, he had a pilot’s license; these were just a couple of the many things we did together. I acted like a jerk for most of the last few years of his life. I was between 12 and 18 years old, so I was acting like a teenager, however; I was also acting like an addict. I regret not being there with my family when my dad died. My biggest regret in my life is that I didn’t get sober until after my father’s death. He never knew me as a sober person.

I’m getting through Father’s Day a bit better than normal. I read some other blogs and they were very helpful. One blog in particular, Father’s Day Memories Blog, reminded me that my father is alive in my memories. I remember one day, my dad woke me up early for school and took me out for the day. We flew out to an amazing mountain and went skiing for the day. I have to keep these wonderful memories I have of my dad alive.

I also spent a good amount of time today being productive. We can finally move stuff back into the house since the bed bug issues is getting under control. It’s like moving into the house all over again. Staying busy keeps my mind occupied. I’ve spent my day thinking of memories with my dad, staying productive, and keeping my mind occupied. It’s still a difficult day for me, but it’s less stressful than it used to be. I think I’m finally learning how to deal with the loss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Disability and Work

Disability and Work

I have been on disability for many years. I have thought about going back to work, so I discussed the idea with my therapist. When I do go back to work, I would need to start slow, probably with only about 10 hours a week, and I would need to work from home. I brought this idea up to my therapist, and he did not like it. He doesn’t think I’m ready to go back to work.

I miss the feeling of satisfaction that you get from working. I know I’ll go back to work some day, at least I hope so, I just don’t know when.

Exhaustion

Exhaustion

I’m so overly tired the past couple of days. When I’m watching TV, I tend to fall asleep on the couch for hours. Yesterday, I fell asleep for 1 1/2 hours on the couch. I woke up, did a few things, and then fell back asleep for another 2 hours. Then, I slept for 8 hours through the night. I feel like I could sleep for 16 hours a day. I think that my medications might be one of the reasons I’m so tired, although none of my meds have changed. The other reason is because of all the stress.

I try to keep moving. When I’m moving, I can’t fall asleep. I’ve tried to drink energy drinks, but those only seem to last for about an hour or so. I don’t drink coffee, but maybe I should start.