I woke up this morning and I thought I was feeling better. I went to a doctor’s appointment, completed blood work, and went to visit a friend. Part way through the visit with my friend, my throat and ears started to itch. I left my friend’s house and by the time I got home I was feeling like total crap. I guess I pushed it too far too fast. I just want to start feeling better. I keep saying that I’m going to feel better when I wake up, but it’s not happening. I’m not giving up yet though. I will feel 100% better tomorrow, I’m determined.
A few days ago I started to feel a little off, physically. I had no energy, hot and cold flashes, and had a bit of the sniffles. After two days, I thought it was getting better. Sunday night, I went to sleep thinking that I would wake up feeling back to my normal self. However, I woke up yesterday even worse. I have some type of head cold; runny/stuffy nose, scratchy throat and ears, and total exhaustion. Normally, when I get sick like this, it goes straight to my lungs. Thank goodness that hasn’t happened this time! Maybe it’s because of the pneumonia vaccine or maybe because I don’t smoke anymore. I’m sure those two things have definitely helped. I’m still not feeling any better today, but at least it’s not in my lungs. I’m hoping to feel better by tomorrow because I’m supposed to meet up with an old friend.
My mind won’t stop thinking. It just keeps going and going, and no matter what I do, it keeps reverting back to two different thoughts that I really don’t want to think about. My mind either keeps going back to suicidal ideations or it thinks about an old friend of mine that did not believe in mental health. These are definitely things that I do not want to be thinking of, but I can’t help it. It’s driving me nuts! I’m hoping that when I start ECT again, it will help me forget about that unsupportive old friend.
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
When I’m deep in my depression, someone can say something that makes me smile or laugh even the slightest bit, and it can make all the difference. Even if it only brings me a moment of joy, it makes a world of difference for me.
Yesterday was a slow day. I wasn’t feeling very well, so I pretty much laid on the couch all day. It was a very long and boring day. I’m feeling better today, so I need to get back on track. I need to go grocery shopping today and workout (Zumba).
I’ve been eating healthy and working out for a little while now. I lost 3 pounds in the first 3 days, but then my weight has stayed steady since then. It makes me feel like I’m doing all of this work for nothing. I know the results will show up eventually, I just don’t have a lot of patience. Patience is one of the most important things I need to keep right now. I don’t want to give up before the results show. I’m doing all the right things, the results will show eventually.
Yesterday was a very productive day. I cleaned the entire house; dusting, kitchen, bathrooms, vacuuming, and mopping. After that I even did a 40 minute Zumba video. I tried to stay busy to keep my mind occupied. I’m anxious and nervous about going back to ECT. I think I’m just worried about what will happen if it doesn’t work, or if it stops working again after some time. I’m running out of options, or at least it feels that way. I guess I’m just scared.
I saw I Am My Own Island do this post by answering the fifty unique questions below. I enjoyed reading her answers and thought I would do my own.
- Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
- Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
- Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
- Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
- Do you like to use post-it notes?
- What is your biggest pet peeve?
Not putting things away; I crave organization
- Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
My phone keeps track of my steps
- Is it okay for guys to wear pink as a color?
- Whats your least favorite movie?
I don’t remember
- What do you drink with dinner?
Soda or water
- What is your favorite food?
Almost any kind of pasta
- What movie could you watch over and over and still love?
The first one that comes to mind is Grease
- Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Never, I’m way too self-conscious
- When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
Does writing a card count? If so, just a couple of days ago
- Favorite kind of sandwich?
Melted pepperoni and cheese
- Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Ham, egg, and cheese sandwich
- What is your usual bedtime?
Anywhere from 10pm to midnight
- Are you lazy?
For the most part, yes.
- How many languages can you speak?
- Do you sing in the shower?
- Is Christmas stressful?
- Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
- Do you believe in ghosts?
- Wear slippers?
- Ever been in love?
- Who would you like to see in concert?
- Hot tea or cold tea?
- Tea or coffee?
- Ever had plastic surgery?
- Do you want to get married?
I am married; 3 years
- Do you want kids?
I can’t have kids, but I think about it often. I am a grandma (my step-daughter has a 15 month old beautiful daughter)
- Whats your favorite color?
- Do you miss anyone right now?
My mom, always
- Things you cannot leave the house without?
My phone and purse
- Do you drink energy drinks?
- Do you drink juice?
Sometimes apple juice
- Do you eat fries with a fork?
- Any phobias?
Snakes, spiders and bugs
- What is your middle name?
- What was favorite subject at school?
Math and science, it’s a tie
- What is your favorite drink?
- What is your favorite song at the moment?
The Joker by the Steve Miller Band
- What is the last thing you bought?
Groceries and prescriptions
- How many siblings do you have?
Two, an older brother and older sister
- When was the last time you cried?
- Favorite TV shows?
Criminal Minds, Blacklist, Good Behavior, Designated Survivor, New Girl, and Big Bang Theory
- PC or Mac?
- What phone do you have?
- How tall are you?
- Can you cook?
I love to cook and I’m pretty good at it. I make a really good Shepherds Pie, Chicken Tetrazzini, Pulled Pork, and many other things
If anyone wants to do this as well, just mention my blog so I can make sure to check it out.