I just found a new lump on my dog. It’s different from the other lumps he has. He’s an older dog (he’s 11), so finding lumps is not abnormal, however, this new one is unlike any other lump I’ve seen on him. So we’re going to the vet tomorrow at 10am. I’m hoping that he’s okay, but I’m worried. I asked my husband to come with me as support. I’ll keep you updated after tomorrow’s appointment.
Today is feeling like just another day with depression. No matter what I’m doing, my thoughts are constantly wishing I wasn’t around. My mind keeps telling me a wide variety negative things. I try to find something that I enjoy doing to help me get through the day, I use my wellness toolbox. Today, I’m going to a Coyotes game. I love hockey and I love the Coyotes! We’re playing the LA Kings. Going to the games can be tough because they’re so crowded, but my husband helps me through it all. Only 4 hours until we leave to go to the game. I’m hoping I’ll feel even a little better once I’m watching the game.
I’m in the midst of another depression. Each day I just try to figure out how to make it through. I make a to-do list and try to get everything done on that list. Staying busy helps the days go by quicker, but actually doing anything is more than difficult. I can’t even find the right words to describe how hard it is to really do things. Yesterday was a decent day according to how active I was. I cleaned the whole house and did the laundry. It didn’t make me feel any better, but it did make the day go by faster.
However, today is not going as well. I’m having a hard time getting myself moving. I just don’t care that much about anything. But I am trying to put on a face; I don’t like showing the people around me how depressed I really am. So I put on a fake smile and talk like there is nothing wrong.
“You create your opportunities by asking for them.” – Patty Hansen
Standing up for yourself is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Taking initiative is what provides possibilities in our lives. I have a hard time asking for anything, especially for help, but it is something that I’m working on.
I find myself isolating more and more. I feel the depression getting worse as each day goes by. I have no desire to talk to people, and when I do talk to people, it’s difficult. Writing is also difficult. I guess I just don’t have anything I think is worth sharing with others. That is not normal for me; that’s the depression. Usually, I’m a very talkative person, but now. Right now, I would prefer to stay home and do nothing, but that’s not always possible. I do the best I can when I’m out in public and when I’m talking to others, but it’s getting harder as each day passes.
My husband came home last night with a bouquet of flowers for me. He said he got them just because I wasn’t feeling well and he wanted to help me feel better. It definitely brought a huge smile to my face. My husband does this from time to time; when he thinks I need some cheering up or sometimes just because. I’m very lucky to have so much support. He’s always trying to look out for me.
In fact, my entire family supports me. This afternoon I received a card in the mail from my aunt. It was just to let me know that she supports me and loves me. It was the perfect card. It’s a good feeling knowing that my family supports me unconditionally. It helps with the depression.
I got my physical done over a week ago. Now, I’m just waiting for a call from the ECT unit. My psychiatrist told me they would call me to schedule me for ECT, but I have no clue when this will happen. I hate the waiting game. If they haven’t called me by Monday, then maybe I’ll call my psychiatrist to make sure the results of my physical are okay. Until then, all I can do is wait. I know that I will be doing ECT twice a week, Mondays and Fridays. I know that I want to start on a Monday so my husband can be there with me.
Every time I think I’m feeling better, I come to realize that I’m still sick. I felt better yesterday, only to wake up this morning with more symptoms of a cold, but at least I’m not coughing today. It’s been almost two weeks of being sick; it won’t go away no matter what I take.
I’ve had several opportunities for things to do today, but I decided not to do any of them. I passed up meeting some friends for coffee, playing cards with family, and going to the Coyotes game with my husband. It was probably the smart decision not to do any of these things. I’m hoping that staying at home and relaxing will help me feel better quicker.
I want to thank Elizabeth Fredrickson Health Coaching for nominating me for this award!! I really appreciate it!If you haven’t already checked out her blog, please do so. It has fantastic information about health and fitness.
I was talking with my aunt about how I was struggling with my bipolar depression episode. I was feeling lost and didn’t know what to do, and my aunt always has great suggestions. We talked about all sorts of things that were going on in both of our lives. She suggested that I start a blog and write about what I was going through. She even came up with the name, My Side Of The Pole, which we both liked. She explained that I didn’t even have to publish it if I didn’t want to. I looked into starting a blog for the next few weeks, but I did nothing except research. Finally, one day in March 2016, I started my blog. It’s been a fantastic outlet and resource for me.
My advice to new bloggers would be…
Here are the 15 bloggers that I have nominated:
Everything we well yesterday with my father-in-law’s surgery. We were at the hospital for 10 hours, but the time went by fast. We kept each other company while we waited to hear how the surgery went and then while we waited to go back and see him. At one point, some woman came and sat next to us (we were sitting in a corner of the waiting room by ourselves). It got pretty uncomfortable then, especially since she inserted herself into our conversation. However, I think she was just trying to pass the time while she waited for her husband. There were four of us waiting for my father-in-law, and she was all alone. He gets to go home today if all goes well. We won’t know how successful it was for at least a couple of weeks.
I fell asleep early on the couch since it had been a long day. I woke up at 2am coughing, so I stayed on the couch. I didn’t want to go to bed and wake my husband up with my coughing. I thought I might be able to fall back asleep, but that didn’t work out very well. I’m not sure if we’re going back to the hospital today or not. Maybe I’ll stop by before my doctor’s appointment.
My Side of the Pole 