Today just sucks. I feel like crap, both emotionally and physically. People keep asking me how I’m doing, and I have the same response as always, “I’m hanging in.” It’s not a lie, but it doesn’t exactly reveal anything. What I don’t like is when people ask me why I’m feeling crappy. I think that’s a stupid question. Sometimes I just feel something without any reason. That’s a huge part of bipolar disorder.

My husband and I were invited to go out with friends to a showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight. I’m really nervous about it. I want to go, but I also feel pressured to go. Maybe if we drive separately, it would make me more comfortable. I wouldn’t be stuck somewhere without a way to escape if I have a panic attack. I hope I can get myself to go tonight. It would probably be good for me.

I'm a 32 year old married woman who has been dealing with Bipolar disorder since the age of 14. This is all about my life, diagnoses, and treatments. If you have any questions, just ask me. I hope that others with Bipolar Disorder or PTSD can relate to my blog and find it helpful.

9 thoughts on “Feeling Like Crap”

  1. I hear you… sometimes I just feel miserable and literally nothing can change it. I can openly say I have no idea why either. It just is what it is. I normally don’t feel like going anywhere or doing anything when I get like that but I have been told over and over that it’s always better to try and force myself because my odds of having a good time are better if I go then if I stay home. I don’t like to admit it, but it’s true. I hope you went and had fun!

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    1. I didn’t end up going. I almost always force myself to do things. However, this time I decided it was okay for me to stay home and take care of myself. I don’t regret my decision, as long as I go out next time. I don’t want to make staying at home a pattern. Thanks for your support.

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  2. I feel the same way more than I’d like to admit. I was that way about a concert last week. I ended up going, and I had a great time, but I like to have my own way home if need be. In that case I could take the train if I really wanted to. I had an escape. I didn’t need it, but it was there. I can’t blame you for wanting that at all.

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  3. Well, now I know how you’re feeling (my reply on your latest post stated that I hope you are doing well). I’m glad that you made the decision that you needed to for you. You would’ve felt worse if you had gone and had extreme anxiety/panic the entire time. I wouldn’t wish being a recluse to anyone but sometimes you just have to for your own well-being. I’ve been a hermit for months but I’ve been able to do quite a few things over the last two weeks and I am proud of that…just as I am of you for doing what’s best and not succumbing to pressure.

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    1. I’m glad I stayed home to take care of myself that night. It’s important to find balance. So today I went out with my husband. I don’t want to be a recluse, but sometimes I think it would be easier if I was. I’m just on a downward spiral and my thoughts are out of control. I’m still numb, just an empty shell of a person. It’s great that you’ve been doing some things over the past two weeks. Good for you! I know how hard that can be.

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