Today just sucks. I feel like crap, both emotionally and physically. People keep asking me how I’m doing, and I have the same response as always, “I’m hanging in.” It’s not a lie, but it doesn’t exactly reveal anything. What I don’t like is when people ask me why I’m feeling crappy. I think that’s a stupid question. Sometimes I just feel something without any reason. That’s a huge part of bipolar disorder.

My husband and I were invited to go out with friends to a showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight. I’m really nervous about it. I want to go, but I also feel pressured to go. Maybe if we drive separately, it would make me more comfortable. I wouldn’t be stuck somewhere without a way to escape if I have a panic attack. I hope I can get myself to go tonight. It would probably be good for me.

9 thoughts on “Feeling Like Crap

  1. I hear you… sometimes I just feel miserable and literally nothing can change it. I can openly say I have no idea why either. It just is what it is. I normally don’t feel like going anywhere or doing anything when I get like that but I have been told over and over that it’s always better to try and force myself because my odds of having a good time are better if I go then if I stay home. I don’t like to admit it, but it’s true. I hope you went and had fun!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I didn’t end up going. I almost always force myself to do things. However, this time I decided it was okay for me to stay home and take care of myself. I don’t regret my decision, as long as I go out next time. I don’t want to make staying at home a pattern. Thanks for your support.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I feel the same way more than I’d like to admit. I was that way about a concert last week. I ended up going, and I had a great time, but I like to have my own way home if need be. In that case I could take the train if I really wanted to. I had an escape. I didn’t need it, but it was there. I can’t blame you for wanting that at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Well, now I know how you’re feeling (my reply on your latest post stated that I hope you are doing well). I’m glad that you made the decision that you needed to for you. You would’ve felt worse if you had gone and had extreme anxiety/panic the entire time. I wouldn’t wish being a recluse to anyone but sometimes you just have to for your own well-being. I’ve been a hermit for months but I’ve been able to do quite a few things over the last two weeks and I am proud of that…just as I am of you for doing what’s best and not succumbing to pressure.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad I stayed home to take care of myself that night. It’s important to find balance. So today I went out with my husband. I don’t want to be a recluse, but sometimes I think it would be easier if I was. I’m just on a downward spiral and my thoughts are out of control. I’m still numb, just an empty shell of a person. It’s great that you’ve been doing some things over the past two weeks. Good for you! I know how hard that can be.


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