Category: Therapy

How Much Longer…?

How Much Longer…?

Do you ever wonder if you can make it? Even if it’s just for one more day, can you handle life that much longer? It seems that no matter what you do, everything is working against you. If you’re anything like me, it’s a daily burden that you have to deal with. I’m constantly asking myself, ‘Am I okay? What if…?’ Sometimes, when I’m able to think positively, instead of asking myself, I tell myself, ‘ I’m okay. Everything is good.’ I say these things even when I know they’re not true; I guess I say them hoping to convince myself that they are true.

I constantly worry about pretty much any situation you could think of. I’ve had some people tell me, ‘Don’t worry, just relax’, and honestly, that makes me want to punch them in the face. Do they really think I would choose to live like this? Would I honestly decide to have anxiety attacks every day and almost never feel safe or secure? Nobody chooses this life; it’s not enjoyable or manageable. Living without control over your own moods is torture. These types of symptoms, the constant anxiety, not feeling safe, and questioning if life is worth it, tear apart a person’s life piece by piece. My support system is the reason I keep going, but it’s not easy. I just want to give up most days, but for some reason, I don’t, I never give up.

I compliment those individuals who are able to live with these symptoms and the other bipolar and/or PTSD symptoms and continue living their lives entirely. Individuals that can go to work, take care of their families, maintain a home, and manage their symptoms are impressive; I admire these people. That used to be me. I had a full-time job, a full-time social life, and I maintained my own home. I miss being able to do that. I’ve been on disability since 2009, and I wonder every day if I’ll ever have that type of life back. Even my therapist is unsure if that will happen; he said so himself. He says that I’m working on learning to deal with these issues better.

I hope I’m not the only one that feels this way; I feel lost enough already, I don’t want to be lost and alone. Although at the same time, I really don’t want anyone, even someone I don’t like, to experience these situations and emotions. All I can do is to stay positive, even if it’s fake, I just think positively. I pretend that things will be okay; if you think something enough, eventually it could come true.

Talk Therapy: Difficult Yet Beneficial

Talk Therapy: Difficult Yet Beneficial

There are many forms of therapy that are known to help individuals with bipolar disorder and other mental health illnesses. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical-behavioral therapy (DBT), interpersonal therapy, psychotherapy (talk therapy) and family-focused therapy are just some examples. Therapy is a vital aspect of bipolar disorder treatment. I have been using therapy as a tool since I was 14 years old. As long as you have the right therapist, it is very helpful. The way I found the right therapist was just by trial and error. It was difficult, but I ended up very happy with my final choice.

I’m not really sure what form of therapy I’m using right now. I go in his office, he sits at a desk and I sit on the other side, it’s very informal and I like that. We have some things in common, for example, he is also from the east coast. I’m very comfortable with him and I’m comfortable in his office in general. Basically, I talk about what’s happening now, what happened in the past, and my fears, and he points out some patterns that I never noticed. Then, he provides some solutions and even gives me small easy steps to take to achieve these solutions. He holds me accountable. I suppose you could say that he helps me find and use tools to deal with situations that I encounter. He also helps me to have healthier relationships with anyone/everyone I know. He knows my triggers and makes sure to always respect them and my boundaries.

It took me a few years to be able to talk about the abusive relationship I was in. But one day, only a few months ago, I finally opened up. He was great about it. I didn’t feel judged or looked down upon. He doesn’t bring up certain aspects of it because he knows how much of a trigger it is for me. I think that the type of therapy I use is talk therapy, also called psychotherapy, but I could be wrong. No matter what, the therapy that I do is helpful; I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t. Therapy is very difficult; it’s hard to talk about your life, problems, and difficult situations, especially face to face with another person. If you can get past these difficulties and the fears of talking about some of your most sensitive issues with a stranger, you will gain the benefits at some point, just hang in there.