I don’t know why, but for some reason I always remember the things I don’t want to remember and I forget the things I do want to remember. Why do I always remember the things/events that cause me anxiety and pain? I wish I could change that. I would like to remember things that would allow my life to be a little easier, but that’s not going to happen. For example, I asked the bug inspector guy lots of questions when he was at my house. He answered all of my questions thoroughly, and I can’t remember any of his answers. Now I need to call him and ask him some of those questions again.

I get nervous when I need to make phone calls to anyone other than family. I don’t want this added anxiety.  My heart races when I have to talk to someone I don’t know, whether it’s on the phone or in person. When will this ever go away?

12 thoughts on “Remembering

  1. i been pondering memories recently, too. why can i remember the esoteric stuff but not the important stuff? why can i remember my third grade teacher’s name, but not the name of the person sitting across me in group for the last month? there are some even more wide ranging example, but i can remember them right now.

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  2. In my experience, my memories tend to be those I wish not to remember too. It can be difficult and frustrating at times. Why? We all ask that question. First, it’s our past most likely resulting from a traumatic experience. Second, perhaps it’s something we haven’t resolved in our lives (guilt, shame, etc.) For me, through my recovery program, I have learned “not to regret the past; nor shut the door on it”. There were terrible things I did in my past both done to me and things I’ve done to other people. The past can’t be changed. We have to accept it happened but we don’t have to let it rule our lives today. For instance, it took years, even after her death, before I was able to forgive my Mother for what I did to her and what she did to me (physical, emotional abuse). One day, I just did. I looked at the whole picture and truly understood that we were both sick people (alcoholics). I still have shame and guilt over other things I’ve done in my life but I’ve accepted I can’t change it. However, what I can change is what I think about myself today and how I treat people. People annoy me on a daily basis through stupid, foolish acts. Do I get angry over it? Yes. But for a few seconds. I can’t change who they are. Nor will I belittle them for their behavior because if the roles were reversed, I would be hurt, so I (try) not to do it to others. I hope this helps start you resolve any issues you may have in your past 🙂

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