Tag: Sad

My Dog Is Aging

My Dog Is Aging

My dog, Cash, has an appointment at the vet today for grooming and shots. He’s 11 years old now, so we’re seeing some changes in his capabilities. He was so excited to go on a car ride. I opened the door for him and he jumped in like he always does; however, this time he didn’t make it all the way in. I was able to pick up his hips and help him in the car. Luckily, he didn’t get hurt. This is the first time he wasn’t able to jump into the car. It’s sad and worrisome. I won’t be able to pick him up every time. He’s 88 pounds, which is a lot to carry. This is probably the beginning of some of the problems that senior dogs encounter. It was so hard to watch that happen, but I knew it would be coming soon.

Rest In Peace

Rest In Peace

I heard some bad news yesterday. My dad’s old business partner died. Since I found out, I’ve been a little off, a bit sad. It feels like losing another part of my dad. It brought back memories of my father, which made me smile and cry. I hadn’t talked to this guy in at least ten years, probably more like 15 years, but he was a memorable and wonderful part of my childhood. This news is racing through my mind. It feels odd to be this upset about the death of a guy I haven’t seen in over a decade.

Depression Triggers

Depression Triggers

This depressive episode has me dealing with some depression symptoms that are not normal for me. My symptoms include weight gain, hopelessness, inability to feel pleasure, lack of interest, sadness, extreme fatigue, sleeping more than normal, excessive hunger, restlessness, and suicidal ideations. I push myself to get through this every day. I make myself get out of the house because I know it’s good for me. Just because it’s good for me doesn’t mean it’s easy to do.

I’m trying to figure out why this depressive episode is even happening. Normally, I can pinpoint the reason or trigger for an episode, either depressive or manic. Some of the reasons are medication induced, situational, or emotional. The problem is that I can’t find the reason for this depressive episode. I’m wondering if it’s possible that my recent ECT treatment could have caused this depression. I had already started to feel slightly depressed when I had the treatment, but I have felt so much worse ever since I woke up from it. It feels like ECT was a jumpstart into depression.

Does it even really matter what the cause is for any episode? I suppose the reason to know what triggered an episode is to help for the future. If you know what caused a depressive episode, then you can avoid that trigger in the future. I’ve been doing ECT treatment for over a year, and this is the first time I’m having problems like this. It may not be a trigger for me, but it may have been the thing that pushed me over the edge. Other things I’ve been experiencing that can cause depression are poor sleep habits, poor diet, weight gain, other health problems, and feeling home sick. I wonder, with this such as weight gain and poor diet, which was first. Did they occur first as a symptom of bipolar depression or were they triggers for the bipolar depression?

Getting Ready To Go Home

Getting Ready To Go Home

I leave tomorrow to go back home. I’m both saddened and excited at the same time. I don’t want to leave my mom and other family members; however, I miss my husband, his (my) family, my dog, and my routine. I’m close with my husband’s family, I feel like they are my family, not just my in-laws. I’ll be home tomorrow night. My husband is picking me up from the airport and I can’t wait to see him.

I have lots to do today so I can go back home tomorrow. I’m anxious because I have so much to do and I’m not sure if I can get it all done, but I’ll do my best. I wrote my to-do list last night. Besides writing my blog, I have to email my doctor, wash my hair, do laundry, pack, try to go see my grandma once more, go to the local farmer’s market, and look for secondary health insurance. I also have a few things to help my mom with, while I’m still here. I know it sounds obvious to wash my hair, but it’s such a huge task because it’s so long that I feel it’s worthy of being on my to-do list. I can tie my hair in a knot, like a bun, and it stays up. I’ve been meaning to look at secondary health insurance, it might help to have something in addition to my primary insurance. I figured I would do it while I’m here so my mom can help me figure it out. Sometimes, I just get overwhelmed and can’t figure out how to do even the simplest of things.

I got so many other things done already this past week and was able to visit with so many people. I met with two family friends yesterday and was able to catch up with them. I had a great visit with both of them. My brother and his awesome wife invited me over for dinner last night. I’m honored that they would invite me, and we had a great time. I love how happy they are together.

Now, I just have to get moving so I can get all of these things done on my list. I can’t put off washing my hair, laundry, or packing any longer.