Personally, I mostly think of how much my bipolar disorder affects my life. Bipolar disorder causes my personality and capabilities to change over time. I can be happy one moment, and then suddenly I’m crying. It’s not always this extreme, but my moods do shift without having the power to control them or even know when they’re coming. I’m lucky to have family and a couple friends that are extremely supportive of me. However, no one is perfect. Sometimes one of them may say or do something that upsets me and my mind automatically thinks, ‘Don’t they know what I have to deal with? And they’re complaining because of how my disorder affects them?’ It takes me a little while, but then I realize that my disorder has a huge influence on those around me, especially those I’m close with.
I have to work very hard at remembering that I’m not the only person my bipolar disorder has an impact on. Even when my loved ones are educated, they’re still human, and some of my symptoms can be extremely difficult to live with. This is true especially when I’m in a manic or depressive episode. Recently, I was experiencing a mixed episode, some of my manic symptoms included constant fidgeting, increased talking, and was barely sleeping. It took me a while to realize that my symptoms were also affecting my family, especially those I live with. One family member recently said something that hurt my feelings. All I could think was how I didn’t have control over what I was doing, and I felt as if this person was blaming me for that. It took me a while, but now I realize that my family has to live with bipolar disorder as well.
Many individuals diagnosed with bipolar disorder at some point struggle to work. Personally, I went through a huge manic episode with psychosis that caused me to be unable to work at all. I have been on Social Security Disability since 2009. I still bring in some money thanks to SSDI, but I don’t make the money that I used to make. For many people, this type of situation often causes problems in families and couples. Our support systems often feel helpless because they can’t fix us, and they often can’t even understand us when we’re manic. But they’re not helpless. They can help to make sure we are taking our medication, help us come up with strategies to reduce stress, encourage us to contact our doctors, and if necessary they can contact our doctors if given permission when we have failed to do so. These are things that my family helps me with.
It’s a lot of work to be the support system for someone with bipolar disorder, or any mental health illness. Our loved ones can experience emotional and financial distress, they often have interruptions to their routines, they have to learn to handle our unusual and sometimes reckless behavior, and the stress they experience can often cause health problems. There are support groups and meetings for our loved ones, just as there are support groups that we can go to. It’s vital for our support system to receive support; otherwise, they won’t be able to be there for us. If we want someone to be patient with us, then we need to be patient with them. It’s much easier said than done.
My Side of the Pole 
Beautifully said – I try to keep in mind that unconditional love is about giving without expectation of receiving either money, accolades, or anything in return. Your support system of family and friends loves you, unconditionally (well or not, healthy or not), and do not measure you value as person or as a loved one in terms of what you are capable of returning, producing, or giving.
That said, we are all human. Even puppies and babies can make us short and irritable and sometimes our emotions and behaviors are not about them but about other things in our lives that get displaced. When that happens we may say the wrong thing, act out, displace our emotions, … I find it best to keep a person’s overall behavior and support in mind when I perceive some slight or implied judgement in their comments – I have to keep in mind that they are human too.
I agree – when in emotional distress we should not try to act and live alone – support groups help.
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Do you ever feel like a burden on your family? I’ve been having some pretty bad anxiety lately and I’m often calling my husband to help calm me down from a panic attack. He always answers the phone or calls back within 5 minutes. What makes me feel burdensome is that he will do this while at work or in lieu of going out with friends. He says I’m not a burden and that he knows I will one day return the favor but I just fear that in the future he will begin to eye roll whenever he sees an incoming call from me.
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I do feel like a burden to my family, especially my husband. I have the same type of experiences as you do, but I still worry that I am a burden for him. My friends remind me that he knew exactly what he was getting into when we first started dating. No matter what, the fear of being a burden to those you love is understandable. That is why it’s important for our loved ones to have some kind of support, either through their friends or a support group of their own. Our loved ones need to take care of themselves by supporting one another.
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