Confrontation scares me, I hate it; it puts me into a panic attack. I keep everything inside and I do my best never to let it out. I would rather hold it all in and be a complete mess, than confront someone about any situation, whether it’s serious or not. I don’t show my anger, I just keep stuffing it down, holding it all in, although I am a pretty sarcastic person. I know that one day I’m probably going to explode, but I just don’t know what else to do with it all.

When I was in rehab, we had to confront each another in a large group setting using the form, ‘When you…I feel…’ format. It may sound somewhat corny, but it does work, when you have the guts to actually do it. I remember when I would have to confront someone, my heart would race so fast and I would start sweating; I would even forget my words, why I was confronting someone, and even how it made me feel. I would do it while I was in rehab because I had to. Now, I do everything I can to avoid it.

I guess I’m afraid to upset other people. I don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings or make someone mad. I would prefer to be extremely uncomfortable if it would make other people happy. That sounds weird when I say it out loud, but it’s just how I am. My therapist is trying to get me to work on this, but it’s not as simple as he explains it. Even admitting to myself that I’m angry is difficult for me, why would I be able to tell someone else how I feel?

There are several things that I deal with, such as my anxiety and fears, and I know where those things originate. I think my fear of confrontation probably comes from the same place as my other fears. My ex used to get very physically and emotionally abusive when I would get upset with him. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I just shouldn’t confront him on anything. I guess I just let that issue seep into every other part of my life. At some point, I need to start taking control again. Right now, that’s too scary for me, but I’ll keep it in my mind as an option.

I'm a 32 year old married woman who has been dealing with Bipolar disorder since the age of 14. This is all about my life, diagnoses, and treatments. If you have any questions, just ask me. I hope that others with Bipolar Disorder or PTSD can relate to my blog and find it helpful.

4 thoughts on “I Hate Confrontation”

  1. Maya Angelou said “you can only do better if you know better” so I believe in open and honest communication. When something is not working for me – personally or professionally, I address it it, usually head on. I don’t think that means it has to involve anger – to me, it means addressing the issue or concern or communication – rather than holding it in, or ignoring it, or shoving it under a rug.
    I have tried to do it in a softer way as I have aged – regardless, what I consider communication, other people have called confrontation. Yet some of my closest friends and business associates have told me that they wish more people were direct and straightforward in communications like I am, without the games and hidden agendas, so that interactions with others were simpler.
    What I am trying to say is that whether you call it communication or confrontation, there will be people who will respond well to it and others who won’t. That is their issue, not yours. The task for you (or I should really say me) is to be able to communicate/confront in a way that is within your/my integrity and feels right.

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    1. I definitely agree that confrontation is not necessarily anger, it is concern or communication. I think it turns into anger for me because I don’t confront my issues. I wish it was easier for me; I wish I could communicate with others as you described. I’m sure it would make life a lot easier. It’s something to at least work towards.

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  2. We are very much the same in this area. I think it may have something to do with anxiety, as well as personality. I shut down when there is a confrontation or argument. I’m a big avoider. I know I make it harder on myself and fill my head with worries and thought (as if I need more of those!), but I care way too much about what other people think and I never want to hurt anyone. I need to learn to be more assertive. But whenever my anxiety gets really bad I basically revert back to this fearful state. The only time I’m really assertive and unafraid is when I’m manic.

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    1. I relate to everything you said 100%. That probably isn’t a good thing, but it is what it is. Even though we shouldn’t be making decisions when in a manic state, that is when I can actually get past my fears and stand up for myself. Hopefully, I can learn to get past my fears at other times as well.

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