Not knowing how you feel can be exhausting. For me, I spend chunks of time trying to figure out how I’m feeling, just to end up realizing that I’m depressed, lonely, or confused. I don’t have much to say anymore, to my friends, family, therapist, or even to myself. I don’t have much to write about. How am I supposed to respond to people when they ask me how I’m doing? I feel like I’m lost inside of myself. I usually have way too many emotions to deal with at one time, or no emotions at all that I can recognize. I can’t find a happy medium. It would be nice if I could come close to an emotional balance, but I have no clue how to even begin that course of action.
My Side of the Pole
I'm a 32 year old married woman who has been dealing with Bipolar disorder since the age of 14. This is all about my life, diagnoses, and treatments. If you have any questions, just ask me. I hope that others with Bipolar Disorder or PTSD can relate to my blog and find it helpful.
My Side of the Pole 
I can understand what you mean. At times I feel numb and lost as to what I should be feeling at any given moment. Lately, I have come to realizations in my life regards to my mental health, family, and life in general. I realized that I am going to have to make some serious decisions in regards to to my sanity. I feel like I have been stuck for long time and I am trudging through some muddy water. In order for me to move my legs and feet , I am going to have to do some emotional house cleaning and figure out what is important to me as far as my life is concerned. So I made the decision with some serious thought to actually stop taking my psych meds and rely solely on my own cognition, moral support of my hubby David, 12 step meetings and my Higher Power, God. I have been feeling physically sick due to all of my psych meds and tired of not really getting any results. I know this sounds a bit crazy but I came to the realization that the doctors were filling me up drugs for more than a decade and I could never be sure if the meds were actually were working or not. I have become so dependent on drugs for everything that went wrong in my life and finally the truth that I am addict. Now, I am starting a phase of my life with the help of God, 12 steps, family and David. I pray all goes well. So do not give up. I know emotions can flood are minds all too much and make us confused. I came to believe that I have become powerless to my drug use and to my emotions so in that I will give my self to the will and power of God, Himself.
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Thanks for sharing. I think it’s great that you have the support of your husband and 12 step meetings. We’re so lucky to have all of that support; many people do not have family, friends, and groups that support them and their recovery.
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