With racing thoughts, comes an assortment of emotions. Right now I’m stuck in jealousy. In 2010 I had my tubes tied. It was such a difficult decision. Every day I hate that I did it, but I’m also extremely grateful. I know that I can’t take care of myself or my dog when I go through manic or depressive episodes, how could I even try to take care of a child. It was the right thing to do for me. However, my jealousy comes out when I see any parent with their child. I tend to wonder what my life would be like if I didn’t make that decision. But seeing as how I’m still struggling with my mental health 6 years later, I suppose I did the right thing. I’m also dealing with a lot of regret. Is it normal to regret something that you are glad you did?
I miss the job I had before I went on disability. I was really good at it and my employer was very nice. I went on disability not too long after getting a huge raise and a promotion. The more time that goes by, the more I wonder if I’ll ever get back to where I was 8 or 9 years ago. These are just the most repetitive thoughts going through my mind lately. There are a lot of other racing thoughts, but they’re not as persistent as the ones I mentioned.