I got to spend time with my granddaughter yesterday. Lacey is 22 months old. She is fun to spend time with, but at the same time it’s hard for me emotionally. I never had any kids. It was my choice, but it wasn’t an easy one. I decided that since I can’t even take care of myself on a regular basis due to my bipolar disorder, then I shouldn’t have children. I didn’t think it was a good thing for me to bring kids into this world.
That decision was a rough one, but I still think that it was the right choice for me. I regret that choice every day, but if I got the chance to do it all over again, I would do the exact same thing. I’m not sure if that makes any sense or not. Because I don’t have my own children, it can make it emotionally difficult for me when I’m with my husband’s (and my) granddaughter.
My Side of the Pole 
I struggle with that decision SO MUCH. If you’d ever be willing to talk about it, I’d love to hear from you (hazelhillboro@gmail.com). All of my friends are having kids right now, and my husband and I have chosen not to for the very reasons you mentioned. But so many bp people do have kids, and sometimes I wish I could….ugh. I’m 28, so technically I could try if I wanted to. But mostly I think it would be a terrible idea. I would love any insight you have into that decision/how you handled the pain of watching everyone else have kids. Sorry you have to go through this, but I’m right there with you.
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