Author: My Side of the Pole

I'm a 32 year old married woman who has been dealing with Bipolar disorder since the age of 14. This is all about my life, diagnoses, and treatments. If you have any questions, just ask me. I hope that others with Bipolar Disorder or PTSD can relate to my blog and find it helpful.

Bringing In The New Year With My Granddaughter

Bringing In The New Year With My Granddaughter

Babysitting my granddaughter went really well. She’s such a good baby. There was some trouble falling asleep, but once she fell asleep she slept through the night, 9 1/2 hours. I can’t believe she does that, it’s so awesome. She only cries when there’s a reason, such as being hungry, needing a diaper change, or being tired. The rest of the time she just plays and is a very happy baby. Hopefully we’ll get to babysit more often. It was a great year to begin the new year

Ready To Babysit

It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m lucky enough to spend my night with my husband and granddaughter. It’s the first time we babysit for her. I’ve just finished baby proofing the house, I cleaned everything yesterday, the high chair and the play pen are set up. I’m ready for her to come, although she won’t be here for another 7 hours.

While I wait for her to arrive, I can do some more cleaning, do laundry, and try to exhaust the dog by taking him on a really long walk (if it’s not raining). My dog gets a little excited when Lacey comes over and I don’t want him to push her around, so hopefully I have the chance to make him tired.

42 Questions

My thoughts are not flowing today making it difficult to write a post, so I thought I’d do something different. I’m answering these questions to the best of my ability (my memory is messed up from ECT). I borrowed this from I Am My Own Island. If you want to, please feel free to post your answers as well.

42 Questions You’ve Probably Never Been Asked:

1. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Grey

3. Do you plan outfits? No

4. How are you feeling right now? Pathetic and anxious

5. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red?A picture of my granddaughter

6. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? I have no clue, I can’t remember.

7. Did you meet anybody new today? Nope

8. What are you craving right now? Junk food

9. What comes to mind when you think of cabbage? Gross

10. Have you ever counted to 1,000 before? No

11. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Bite

12. Do you like your hair? Yes, but it’s a huge pain in the ass

13. Do you like yourself? Not really

14. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? No

15. What are you listening to right now? The tv

16. Are your parents strict? No

17. Would you go sky diving? I already did, it was awesome

18. Do you like cottage cheese? Somewhat

19. Have you ever met a celebrity? Not that I can think of

20. Do you rent movies often? Redbox occasionally

21. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? No

22. Have you made a prank phone call? Yes, when I was a kid

23. Ever been on a train? I can’t remember

24. Brown or white eggs? White

25. Do you use chap stick? Yes

26. Can you use chop sticks? No

27. Are you too forgiving? No

28. Ever been in love? Yes

29. Last time you cried?  This afternoon

30. What was the last question you asked? How was your day?

31. Favorite time of the year? Fall

32. Do you have any tattoos? Yes, six.

33. Are you sarcastic? Almost always

34. Ever walked into a wall? Yes

35. Favorite color? Blue

36. Have you ever slapped someone? I’ve been in fights, but I can’t remember if I actually slapped someone or not.

37. Is your hair curly? Very much so

38. Do looks matter? Somewhat, but I believe you are or are not attracted to who the person is and not what they look like.

39. Do you like your life right now? No

40. Do you sleep with the TV on? Yes

41. Can you handle the truth? Yes

42. Do you have good vision? Yes

 

Another Birthday Get-Together

Another Birthday Get-Together

Another family get-together today. It’s my step-daughter’s boyfriend’s (the father of my granddaughter) birthday today. I think he turns 27. This time I’ll be going to the gathering alone since my husband is working. I really like this guy; he’s a great father. Plus, I’m going to ask him a bunch of questions about my granddaughter since she sleeps over tomorrow night. I want to know everything about her schedule; how often she eats, when she sleeps, what helps her sleep, etc.

I set up the play pen in our bedroom yesterday. It fits perfectly. Hopefully I can borrow the high-chair from my mother-in-law and bring it home with me today. I want to be as prepared as possible.

Another Day – Still Holding On

Another Day – Still Holding On

I’m staying busy today; running errands, cleaning up, cooking, etc. It’s just another day, nothing special, same old crap. I’m feeling pretty down, feeling as if I don’t matter. I wish I could get those thoughts out of my head. I keep beating myself up, emotionally. At least I haven’t cried yet today. That’s something to be happy about.

I’m getting ready for my granddaughter to sleep over on Saturday night. The play pen is all set up. I’ve been putting things away. Now all I have to do is clean. I can’t wait to have her here. It’s what has been keeping me going this week.

Ultimatum From My Doctor

Ultimatum From My Doctor

Today has been unusually rough. I reached out to my psychiatrist because I wanted to change my meds. Specifically, I want to get off of the Clozapine and possibly try IV Ketamine. However, his response was not as I hoped it to be. Basically, it was an ultimatum. Either I go back on ECT or possibly try IV Ketamine, but it would be in addition to Clozapine. If I go off of Clozapine, he will no longer be my psychiatrist; he would only continue to see me for 30 days or until I find a new doctor.

I’m going to come up with a list of questions to ask him at our next appointment on January 11th. My husband will be coming with me. I don’t know what I’m going to do.

I’m off to go see a Coyotes game; hopefully that will make me feel a little better.

Something To Look Forward To

Something To Look Forward To

I had a really nice Christmas yesterday with my husband and his family. The molasses cookies were a hit with everyone. Everything went well at his mother’s house and at his father’s house. It was a busy day, we were gone from 10am until 6:30pm. I miss my family in Connecticut very much, but I’m lucky to have family to spend my holidays with in Arizona. I have family no matter where I am.

My stepdaughter asked if my husband and I could babysit our granddaughter overnight on New Year’s Eve. We’re both very excited.  This is the first time they’ve asked us to watch her. I’ll have her on my own for a couple hours until my husband gets home from work. I’m a little nervous, but extremely excited. This gives me something to look forward to all week long. Maybe they’ll even have us babysit more often. I can’t wait!

Molasses Cookies

Molasses Cookies

I’ve decided to bake molasses cookies for my husband today. They’re not just any molasses cookies, they’re his favorite cookies that his grandmother would make for him every holiday (she passed away several years ago). I’m really hoping that these cookies turn out right and make him smile when he gets home from work tonight.

Happy Holidays!!