I don’t wear short. Even in the horrible heat of the Arizona summer, when it’s 115 degrees out or more, I continue to wear blue jeans. And when I’m in my pajamas hanging out at home, either by myself or with my husband, I still wear pajama pants. I’ve never been comfortable wearing shorts, whether it’s in public or private. I don’t like my legs; they have always been bigger than others my own age. I don’t like to wear bathing suits, go swimming, or do anything else that would show my legs. I’m extremely self-conscious.
However, over the past couple of days, I have worn pajama shorts around the house by myself and when my husband was present. I even wore the pajama shorts out on a walk late at night, which was a huge step for me. I’m hoping that I can continue to move forward with this issue. I’m already wearing Capri pants. Maybe next year I’ll even allow myself to wear shorts during the summer.
It feels as if all I do is eat, sleep, blog, and go to doctor appointments. At least I have a vacation coming up. So the next couple weeks, I’ll add in packing to my list of crap that has to get done. Of course, since I’m going back east and I’ve gained some weight, making me more self-conscious than normal, I probably need to find some new, warmer clothes.
I went through my closet today to find some winter clothes, and it didn’t go as bad as I thought. I found five sweaters and one long-sleeved shirt that fit, which is more than I thought I would find. Over the next two weeks, I’m going to go shopping to find some more long-sleeved shirts. I generally don’t like to go shopping because I hate trying things on that are too small, but I go when I have to. To possibly avoid clothes being too small, I pick things out that are a size bigger than I think I am; that usually works out well for me.
I slept horribly last night. I woke up 3 times in the middle of the night. I think the trouble I’m having sleeping is related to the sadness and difficulties I’m having with my weight. My weight gain causes my depression to get works. Of course, when I’m sad and depressed, I tend to eat more. It’s a vicious cycle.
I hate wearing jeans. I only have a couple of pairs left that even fit me. It was suggested to me to try wearing skirts or dresses. It was a great suggestion. I have a lot of skirts that fit me very well, and they are extremely comfortable. I may need some new shirts, but at least I have some clothes to wear that I am comfortable in. I wish I had thought of this sooner. I think that since I will be comfortable in the clothes I’m wearing, it will help with the depression and crying.
I’m looking forward to the day next week that I can contact my psychiatrist again for help with my weight gain. He said that there are several measures he could take to help me. I eager to find out what they are and see if any of them will work.