Today I go see my PCP to get a physical so I can start ECT again. I don’t like my doctor, especially since she was so disrespectful at my last appointment regarding my weight. However, I have lost about 5 pounds since I saw her, so maybe she won’t comment about my weight this time. Maybe she’ll even give me something to get rid of this head cold, I’ve had it since Friday and nothing seems to be helping it.
A few days ago I started to feel a little off, physically. I had no energy, hot and cold flashes, and had a bit of the sniffles. After two days, I thought it was getting better. Sunday night, I went to sleep thinking that I would wake up feeling back to my normal self. However, I woke up yesterday even worse. I have some type of head cold; runny/stuffy nose, scratchy throat and ears, and total exhaustion. Normally, when I get sick like this, it goes straight to my lungs. Thank goodness that hasn’t happened this time! Maybe it’s because of the pneumonia vaccine or maybe because I don’t smoke anymore. I’m sure those two things have definitely helped. I’m still not feeling any better today, but at least it’s not in my lungs. I’m hoping to feel better by tomorrow because I’m supposed to meet up with an old friend.
The juicing seems to be going well. Today is day five and I’m following the plan strictly. I found a couple of juice recipes that aren’t completely disgusting. I’m still not sure how long I’m going to do this, at least 10 days; 30 or 45 days would be fantastic. When I’m at home, I always have the TV on even when I’m not watching it. I like the background noise. I’ve noticed over the past several days how many commercials there are for food. The commercials are extremely tempting. However, it’s not too bad because I’m not hungry most of the time. The juice and water keeps me full.
It also seems that this juicing plan is helping my bladder issues, which is amazing! It has also helped to clear up my complexion and lose a few pounds. The improvement in my bladder disorder is my favorite result.
So my husband and I started juicing today. We’ve been planning this for a while now. We both want to get healthy and lose weight. My first ‘juice’ today consisted of green apples, oranges, and spinach. It wasn’t horrible, but it definitely wasn’t good. I had to chug it to get it down. I’m also supposed to drink a lot of water, somewhere around 6 or 8 bottles of water a day. The water will help keep me full.
I went shopping yesterday to get all of the ingredients needed for juicing. I got spinach, romaine lettuce, oranges, apples, pineapple, cantaloupe, honeydew, lemons, carrots, bananas, strawberries, kale, and grapes. I don’t normally eat fruits and vegetables, and when I do eat them, it’s in very small amounts. I think this will be very good for my physical health. I also hope the weight loss will help with the depression.
My body is just as screwed up as my brain. I had my first surgery when I was 16 years old; it was a cardiac ablation. My heart rate would randomly jump from normal up to 200 or more, and I would pass out. A year later, I had a tonsillectomy. In 2009, I had surgery on both of my knees. A year after that, I had a tubal ligation, which I will explain. I had a total hysterectomy in 2014.
The tonsillectomy is pretty much self-explanatory. I chose to have my tubes tied in 2009 when I was living in Connecticut. This was after my total breakdown. My psychiatrist had to write a letter explaining that I knew what I was doing and was making a sound decision. I decided that I have a hard enough time managing my life. I’ve had ups and downs; no matter how hard I try, I can’t always take care of myself. I’ve seen many people struggle with being a parent; it weighed on them so heavily. I didn’t want that to happen to me or my child. I decided it was better for me not to have a child. For me, this was the right decision, but it has been really hard. It’s been extremely difficult for me to not be able to have children. I often cry uncontrollably because of that fact. A year later, I ended up having to have a total hysterectomy because of severe endometriosis.
I pretend to be okay with the fact that I can’t have kids of my own. I’m a 31 year old grandma, who has never been a mother. Of course I wish I could have kids, but if I had to do it all over again, I would still make the same choice. I made the decision because it was the right thing to do for me, not because it was easy.
Right now, the most difficult problem I deal with physically is the interstitial cystitis. I currently get treatments every week; sometimes I can stretch it out to as much as every 3 weeks. The treatment involves getting catheterized so the doctor can put medicine directly into my bladder. This problem has been getting worse over time. I also have chronic bronchitis and pneumonia among other conditions, but luckily that’s not acting up as well.
I know that I’m luckier than many people, but I’m also worse off than a lot of others. Why do I have to have both physical and mental health problems? Why are all my problems chronic? Living with and managing physical pain as well as mental health is exhausting.