I have been sleeping on the couch for the past couple of weeks. I didn’t want to leave Achilles alone in the living room. He’s not allowed on the furniture (we put pie plates up on the couch to keep him off of it). Two nights ago, he jumped up on the couch, despite the pie plates, and woke me up. We decided that he would have to sleep in the crate.
Last night, he slept in his crate and I slept in my bed for the first time in two weeks. I woke up at 4:30am and let him out because he was making a lot of noise. I decided to use the bathroom and then I would let him outside. When I came out of the bathroom, he had gotten sick all over the carpet. So I’ve spent most of my morning cleaning up the white carpet. It’s not an easy task.
The past few days have been pretty rough. My husband hasn’t been feeling well, and we don’t know what’s wrong. At first, we thought it was just the flu. Some blood work came back, and we’re afraid it may be an autoimmune disease, liver disease, or something else more serious. So now, we’re waiting for more blood test results. I hate waiting.
The past few days have been hard for me, even though I’m not the one that’s ill. I keep trying to find ways to help my husband feel better, but there’s nothing that I can do to help. It reminds me of when I was a kid. My dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was 12 or 13. He was pretty sick fairly often, especially from chemo and dialysis. I remember hanging around my dad when he was sick and feeling completely useless. He wasn’t feeling well and there was nothing I could do to help. That same feeling is coming back now. My husband isn’t feeling well, and nothing I do is helping.
The past two or three weeks have been extremely busy, emotional, difficult, and anxiety provoking. Due to my new busy schedule, writing my blog every day got pushed out of my daily duties. Once I stopped writing a couple of days in a row, it because a pattern. I stopped writing it on my to do list, and I even stopped thinking about it. Luckily, a follower of mine commented on one of my last posts, reminding me how important it is to keep writing. Blogging is not only beneficial for myself, but it apparently also helps others.
I went for a hike this afternoon with my husband and mother-in-law. We hiked a place called Thunderbird Mountain, which is where we used to take Cash for walks. Cash would always wear his backpack (he was a big dog, 88 pounds). He would carry his water and ours. Every time he saw another person or another dog, it seemed as if he was showing off his backpack, like he was proud to be wearing it. My husband and I spread his ashes over a lot of different places all the way up the hiking trail. This way, he can continue to enjoy hiking. It was extremely emotional; saying goodbye to Cash again, for the final time, was hard. I held onto his ashes all day. Letting go of him was difficult, but it was actually a little easier than I expected because of the way we decided to say goodbye.
Over the past week, I have been getting a rash that seems to keep growing every day. It’s extremely itchy and annoying. My doctor doesn’t know what it is, but it’s not contagious. They do know that it’s not chicken pox, mumps, measles, or shingles. We’re trying to figure out what the cause could be. The rash didn’t start until a week after we moved into our new house. Oh well, I just have to put up with it and try not to scratch until it goes away.
I had to take my dog, Cash, to the emergency vet earlier today. Cash was having problems walking, his temperature was 2 degrees low, his gums were pale, his abdomen was enlarged, and he refused to eat dog food or treats (even when they were brought to him). I waited, for what felt like hours (but it was really only 45 minutes), and the vet came into the room to tell me about the results of the tests. It turns out that his blood work shows him as anemic, with some type of big infection (his WBC is twice what it should be), a tumor near his abdomen, and there is also some lose fluid in the abdomen.
I’m so worried about him. He’s 11 years old, I’m not sure if he can make it through this. I’m sleeping out in the living room with him this evening. I’m worried that this will be his last night tonight. Tomorrow, I will be bringing him and all of the tests/paperwork back to my regular vet. I feel more comfortable seeing how it goes with my regular vet (who knows Cash very well). I’m hoping for some better news, but I’m not counting on it. I’m going to stick by his side so he’s not alone. It’s bad enough that he’s in pain, I don’t want him to be alone either. The employees at vet that I went to, were extremely helpful, polite, and nice.
I’ve been feeling like crap since I woke up this morning. It’s just my sinuses; I can barely breathe. I’ve been feeling like this for a few days, but today it has gotten much worse. I’ve been taking all sorts of medication; Mucinex, Sudafed, Alka Seltzer, etc, and nothing seems to be working. I feel like shit. I’m hoping that I feel better by tomorrow evening so I can go to the meeting with my friend/sponsor.
Earlier this afternoon, I drove my step-daughter a couple towns over to pick up her new car. My mother-in-law bought her a new vehicle because the one she had was not safe enough and did not have working air conditioner for our granddaughter. The hardest part of this task, was going over to her house and not picking up my granddaughter. I didn’t want to spread any of my germs.
I’ve been packing a couple of boxes a day. I figure, that a little bit at a time will be a whole lot easier than trying to do it all at once. Due to my husband’s back, I’m doing most of, if not all of the packing. My step-daughter’s boyfriend is going to help us move everything from one house to the next.
Every time I think I’m feeling better, I come to realize that I’m still sick. I felt better yesterday, only to wake up this morning with more symptoms of a cold, but at least I’m not coughing today. It’s been almost two weeks of being sick; it won’t go away no matter what I take.
I’ve had several opportunities for things to do today, but I decided not to do any of them. I passed up meeting some friends for coffee, playing cards with family, and going to the Coyotes game with my husband. It was probably the smart decision not to do any of these things. I’m hoping that staying at home and relaxing will help me feel better quicker.
Today I go see my PCP to get a physical so I can start ECT again. I don’t like my doctor, especially since she was so disrespectful at my last appointment regarding my weight. However, I have lost about 5 pounds since I saw her, so maybe she won’t comment about my weight this time. Maybe she’ll even give me something to get rid of this head cold, I’ve had it since Friday and nothing seems to be helping it.