I’m trying to prepare myself with the Fourth of July coming up. I’m not a big fan of large groups of people, so I usually stay home to celebrate. I’m not sure how Achilles would handle the fireworks. This will be our first experience with him during fireworks. I don’t think he will bark because he almost never does, but I’m not sure if he will be scared or anxious.
We just moved into a new house, and it is in a great neighborhood. Throughout the previous years, we had to deal with all sorts of people setting off their own fireworks as well as listening to gunshots. I would jump all the time because the noises made me so nervous. Luckily, we live in a much better neighborhood. We won’t hear gunshots in this new neighborhood, which is such a relief. There’s still some anxiety, but celebrating the holiday will be much easier this year.
I’m feeling a little better today, which is good because I have lots to do. My lawyer is going to call me in a few hours to explain how things are going with my case. I’m very curious and can’t wait to hear how it’s going. Then, my father-in-law and his girlfriend are coming over. Our house is a disaster because I already started packing. Hopefully they will understand that. I normally don’t let anyone in the house unless it’s clean, but cleaning and packing don’t really go together. My husband and I are going to take them too our new house shortly after they get here. I can’t wait to see the house again.
I also have a meeting to go to tonight, which I’m very nervous about. I’m meeting someone there, so I won’t be alone, but I’m still nervous. I used to go to these exact meetings (6pm Monday through Friday) every day until 2009 when I went on disability due to my mental health. I’m a little worried that people are going to ask me where I’ve been or why I haven’t been coming. My mom helped me out. If people ask where I’ve been, I can simply say, “Not here, how are you?” I think I can do that. I at least have to try.
Yesterday went well. I got everything done that I wanted to and I was able to visit with my friend. It really helps to be able to talk to someone who completely understands what I deal with on a daily basis. I slept fairly well again last night. I only one up once in the middle of the night and I was able to fall back asleep in about 30 minutes.
I’m preparing for my appointment with my psychiatrist that I have on Wednesday. I’ve written down all my questions for him. During my appointment I plan to stay calm and listen to what he has to say. I know he has my best interests in mind. I have a feeling I will be going back on ECT. I’m not excited about that, but I am open to it if he thinks that it will help me. Treatments and medications usually work for me for the first year or so, but then they stop working. It’s a pattern I’ve seen in lots of the treatments/meds that I try. That’s another thing that I plan on asking my doctor about.
Another family get-together today. It’s my step-daughter’s boyfriend’s (the father of my granddaughter) birthday today. I think he turns 27. This time I’ll be going to the gathering alone since my husband is working. I really like this guy; he’s a great father. Plus, I’m going to ask him a bunch of questions about my granddaughter since she sleeps over tomorrow night. I want to know everything about her schedule; how often she eats, when she sleeps, what helps her sleep, etc.
I set up the play pen in our bedroom yesterday. It fits perfectly. Hopefully I can borrow the high-chair from my mother-in-law and bring it home with me today. I want to be as prepared as possible.
I just realized that Thanksgiving is right around the corner! It’s next Thursday, November 24th. I don’t even know where I will be spending the holiday this year. My husband’s family take turn hosting holidays, thank goodness my house is too small to host a big holiday like that. I’m going to miss being at my aunt’s house for Thanksgiving. I always loved it so much; it was the perfect amount of love, laughter, family, and nuttiness. I know all of that will be at Thanksgiving at my in-law’s house, but it won’t be the same as what I grew up with.
It’s time that I start preparing for the holiday. I need to find out where it is and who might be coming. I just want to know how big the holiday celebration will be. I want to prepare myself as much as possible so I can have a good time at Thanksgiving dinner. The more I know, the more comfortable I may feel.
It’s getting to be that time of the year, where there’s all sorts of family gatherings, cooking, and shopping. Personally, I love gift-giving, but I don’t wait until November or December to start shopping. My holiday shopping begins in January. I start by simply paying attention to what people say and then I keep a gift idea list. I also buy one or two gifts per month, that way I don’t go completely broke at the end of the year. This method also helps with birthday gifts.
I actually prefer to give gifts than receive them. By paying attention to people, I can get them creative gifts that they love and I get to see the people I care about smile and be happy. Seeing them happy is a gift to me. For this holiday season, I have only one gift left to buy, but I already know what it is that I’m going to get. I’m all done with my family and my husband’s family.
As I prepare to go on vacation, I feel excitement begin to flow through my body. Very soon, I will be sitting on the beach and actually relaxing. I’ve made checklists of everything that has to get done before I leave. I have already counted all my meds and refilled the ones that would have run out while I’m away. I’ve started trying on some clothes to figure out what I want to pack. I was worried that trying on clothes would be difficult because of my weight gain, but more clothes fit me than I thought would. What a nice surprise!
I have to make sure everything gets done over the next couple of days. It’s a lot to do, but it will be a stressful vacation if I don’t get everything done that needs to be done while I’m away. I’m looking forward to relaxing. Part of me wonders if I even know how to relax anymore. Soon, when my view is the picture above, I’m sure I’ll figure out how to let go a little and relax.
The past few days have been very difficult. Last week, I felt like I was passing time and going through the motions. Now, I seem to be fighting to get through each moment. I think it’s because I know I’m about to go on vacation. I know that I struggle when my schedule changes. However, my schedule hasn’t even changed yet. I’m just caught up trying to prepare for vacation. There’s too much to get done. I feel overwhelmed, like I’m drowning. But I do know that it will all work out; I just need to hang on and stay organized.
I have so much to do before I leave for vacation. It starts with making a packing list, and then a to-do list of all the errands and tasks I need to get done. I love to-do lists. If it’s not written down, then it’s not going to get done. I will probably start all of that tomorrow. The biggest task is figuring out all my medications for the trip. I’ll be gone for 10 days, and it would not be good if I run out of meds.
My favorite quote comes from Franz Kafka, possibly from his book, “The Metamorphosis”, but it could have been from another one of his works. I’m not positive that it’s originally from him or not, but that’s as far back as I can trace it. Kafka said, “Better to have, and not need, than to need, and not have.” I actually try to live my life based off of this quote. I’m not sure exactly what the quote was originally meant to explain. To me, it means to plan and be prepared for life, because anything can happen at any time. It’s important to always be prepared for any situation. For example, I don’t always know how long I’m going to be out, so it’s best to bring my medications with me just in case. I also take pain medication and see my doctor every 3 weeks for treatment. Sometimes, I get a refill on my pain meds before I’m out, because I don’t want to run out before I see her again. It’s better to have them and not need them, than need them and not have them. I can apply this quote to just about any aspect of my life. Being prepared, in my opinion, is always helpful.
The quote is popular it was even made into a song called, “It’s better to have, and don’t need” sung by many different artists including Don Covay, Huey Lewis & The News, Barbara Lynn, Sam Moore & Bruce Springsteen to name a few. I can see than many people interpret this quote to be about protecting oneself. For me, the quote can mean something as simple as remembering to grab my keys when I leave the house, just in case my husband doesn’t have his. This quote reminds me to be prepared in every aspect of my life, which is something I struggle with, especially when I’m dealing with depression.
Franz Kafka (1883 – 1824) is from Prague; he was a German speaking novelist and also wrote many short stories. I had to read a lot of his works throughout college, and I actually enjoyed them, at least the parts that I understood. I’m curious what this quote means to others people. How do you feel about it? How can/do you apply it to your own life?
I’m trying to plan ahead, trying to get ready to go away again for 8 days. I always try to pack for any situation; you never know what you’ll need while you’re away. I’m even going to a different climate, making it even more difficult to pack. I have to go through my closets to find some long sleeve shirts in case it gets cold. I also have to find my suitcase that is somewhere in my garage. I’ve written out the list of everything I need to pack including toiletries, clothes, shoes, medicine, and extras. My plan is to lay everything out on the guest bed and check things off as I pack them in my suitcase.
I still have errands to run. My weekly prescription went through yesterday without any problems, which is the first time that happened problem free. I have to go grocery shopping and pick up my script today. I also want to go shopping for some clothes, mainly pants, if I have the time. All of that has to be done by the end of today. Tomorrow, I’m spending a good portion of the day with my in-laws; it’s my stepdaughter’s first Mother’s Day, and I won’t be available on Mother’s Day to be with any in-laws. I don’t like leaving things to the last minute. Tuesday morning I have to leave for the airport; I will need to be completely packed by Monday night and have my clothes for the day left out on the dresser. I plan on having everything laid out on the bed by the end of the day, and then simply packing everything by the end of the day tomorrow. A few things will be left out that I need in the morning; otherwise I will be ready to go.
While it’s important that I pack everything I could possible need, I also have to make sure I set my husband up so that he has everything he could need. I don’t have to do these things for my husband, but since he works and I don’t, I feel that I should do these things for him. I like to make sure my husband has all the food that he’ll need. I also have a couple of bills to take care of before I leave.
I’ve been told that I plan too much, but I don’t think that’s possible. I’ve been told that some things you can’t plan for, which is probably right, but there’s no harm in trying to plan. The way I plan is by making lists. I’m a very visual person and if it’s written down then it will get done. I try to think of every situation, like going out somewhere fancy and bringing back birthday/holiday gifts, to make sure I will have everything I need. I always believe it’s better to have something and not need it than need something and not have it.