I always do everything I’m told, and I think it’s catching up with me. I don’t want to cause any problems, but I feel like I need a vacation from my life, from myself, from my health. Just out of curiosity, I’m wondering how many people have had the same thoughts as the following:

1. I’m always compliant with my medications and my treatments. Sometimes I just want to say screw it all and not take my meds. I wonder how much they’re really helping anyway. What’s the point of taking all these meds without knowing that they are definitely working?
2. I’m an insomniac. The Clozapine has been helping me sleep for the most part lately, but I still wake up several times throughout the night. Why do I keep forcing myself to fall asleep? For some reason, I’m always hungry when I wake up. Maybe I should try to see if I get tired on my own. I’m an insomniac; I have problems sleeping, not getting tired.
3. Sometimes, I’m get tired of doing the reasonable or rational thing. On occasion, I just want to do whatever I feel like doing without people saying it’s because of my mental health.

These are just a few of the things that have been going on in my mind lately. I think I’m just a bit frustrated with everything, and I’m wondering if other people have similar thoughts as I do. If others do have these thinking issues, what do you do to get through them?