I always do everything I’m told, and I think it’s catching up with me. I don’t want to cause any problems, but I feel like I need a vacation from my life, from myself, from my health. Just out of curiosity, I’m wondering how many people have had the same thoughts as the following:
- I’m always compliant with my medications and my treatments. Sometimes I just want to say screw it all and not take my meds. I wonder how much they’re really helping anyway. What’s the point of taking all these meds without knowing that they are definitely working?
- I’m an insomniac. The Clozapine has been helping me sleep for the most part lately, but I still wake up several times throughout the night. Why do I keep forcing myself to fall asleep? For some reason, I’m always hungry when I wake up. Maybe I should try to see if I get tired on my own. I’m an insomniac; I have problems sleeping, not getting tired.
- Sometimes, I’m get tired of doing the reasonable or rational thing. On occasion, I just want to do whatever I feel like doing without people saying it’s because of my mental health.
These are just a few of the things that have been going on in my mind lately. I think I’m just a bit frustrated with everything, and I’m wondering if other people have similar thoughts as I do. If others do have these thinking issues, what do you do to get through them?
My Side of the Pole 
I get it. Also what you were saying in your last post about over analyzing what people say. I’ve been told many times that I “take things too personally”. How should I take them when they are said to me? Anyway, I don’t have the insomnia, but I am also compliant with my meds and PT after surgeries etc. In many ways it has helped, but I have also watched people who say screw it and jump back to activities a week after the same surgery when I waited the 6 weeks I was told and then I worry about what people think about me. Do they think I am a wuss?
I don’t think I ever turn my mind off. It is always going. Sometimes good, a lot of time self- destructively. I tend to have the TV on 24/7 so that there is always something to distract me and maybe get my mind to stop the “stinkin’ thinkin’ ” for a few minutes.
Many years ago I found that guided relaxation and meditation helped me a lot. Even though it doesn’t turn my mind off, it is peaceful and lets me breathe and find some downtime when I don’t feel like I need to be in control. I even loved listening to inspirational speakers recordings for hours they did not necessarily need to be meditations.
Another thing I loved many many years ago was floating in the isolation tanks. It was safe and warm and peaceful. I have not seen them for almost 25 years and last week someone told me they have just opened a center an hour from me – I might go.
The other things I do to get through are to play with my dogs. They love me unconditionally and they don’t judge.
So TV, meditation, speakers, float tanks, and dogs, are just some of my ways of coping with life.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone. I really appreciate it. We share some of your coping methods. I also keep the TV on all the time so there is background noise, and my dog is a great distraction from life.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I don’t really have anything profound to say other than I have these thoughts too. I haven’t figured out a way to work through them very well but I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I used to feel the same way about being compliant with my meds and I used to stop them when I felt good or under control, then I would realized, how much they were actually helping me. I too wake up many times in the middle of the night and for some weird reason, I’m hungry and I eat whatever I find. Sometimes I don’t even remember the next day, until my wife and kids tell me about it. I used to feel that I had to do reasonable or rational thing, now I’m just myself… as long as I don’t go over the limits, I’m OK with it. That’s the reason for my blog, just to get my crazy thoughts out of my head.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks for sharing that; it’s very helpful. I’m glad I’m not alone with these things.
LikeLike
I love your blog so much, that I have nominated it for the “Liebster Award”. Check it out my cuz! Keep up the excellent work cuz!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for the nomination. I was nominated a while ago, but the fact that another person thinks I deserve it makes me feel really good. I’m glad that you have been nominated; you’ve definitely earned it.
LikeLike