The past couple of days, I’ve been feeling like a total screw up. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong; I’m feeling shame. There are also some things that I’m avoiding because I know/feel as if I’m going to mess it all up. I don’t know where these feelings are coming from. I’m reading into everything that people say; somehow, I can find negative things about myself when others are talking. The “funny” part about it is that people don’t even have to be talking about me for me to find something negative about myself.

I think a lot of it comes from my weight gain. I look in the mirror, and I automatically feel sad and pathetic. All I see is the person I don’t want to be. I feel like I can’t talk to others properly, I can’t stay organized, I can’t workout well enough, I can’t cook right, I can’t get things done, I just can’t do anything right. I wish I knew how to get rid of this feeling. This overwhelming feeling is taking control of my mind and body.

Even though I know that I don’t do everything wrong, I still feel as if I do. I don’t know why that is. For instance, I know I’m a good cook; so why do I feel like the dinners I’m making suck? I’m also a very organized person, but I feel like my house is unorganized and I don’t know how to fix it. I know the truth, but what I don’t know is why I still feel this way even though I know it’s false.

15 thoughts on “Feeling Shameful and Screwed Up

  1. Wow. Just wow. I can relate whole heartedly to this post. I lived for years like this, actually, probably my entire life. I recently found the strength and hope to get out of this funk. I would always feel like less than human, a scum, waste. These thoughts still surface but I have learned ways to escape my mind and find better meaning in life. Keep up the inspirational posts!

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  2. I am so sorry you are feeling like this. It sucks.
    May I ask – what would you say to someone who told you they were feeling like this, perhaps in their post, or in a conversation? Can you offer that same patience and kindness to yourself? I know it is easier said than done…

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    1. That’s a good point. I would probably ask someone to talk about things they enjoy. For me, that would be cooking. I enjoy it and I know I’m a good cook. But the feelings are still there. These emotions don’t necessarily make sense. The emotions are there even when I know that they’re not right.

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  3. I hate having those times like you are now. I empathize with what you’re going through. I wish I had some sage advice to give you, but I don’t other than to remind you that if you just ride it out you know it will eventually go away. I know, I know, not real helpful right now

    Liked by 2 people

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