“There are two ways to face the future. One way is with apprehension; the other is with anticipation.” – Jim Rohn
You can either face the future with fear or confidence. I do my best to have confidence, but my anxiety often takes over causing apprehension. All that matters is that I keep trying and don’t give up. The confidence will come in time.
I went to the Celebration of Christmas yesterday with my husband and his father’s side of the family. There were seven of us. I already knew everyone, so that made it more comfortable for me. We also had the best seats in the house. I didn’t realize how big the show was. There were hundreds of people there, maybe even more than a thousand. We got there early. I took a half of a Valium, just enough to take the edge off the anxiety. It worked perfectly and I was able to enjoy the fantastic show. Then we all went out to dinner together. It was really nice to spend that time with my father-in-law’s side of the family. We don’t spend enough time together, but we’re working on it.
My psychiatrist prescribes me Valium 10mg twice a day as needed for my anxiety. I do my best not to take it that often. My last one month prescription of Valium last me six months. I take it only when necessary and only the amount that I need. Valium can be addictive and I don’t want to risk my sobriety. It’s better safe than sorry. Plus, the less often I take it, the better it works.
“Every accomplishment begins with a decision to try.” – Edward T. Kelly
Nothing can be accomplished until you try; put in a little effort and then you can see what you have created.
With the holidays just around the corner, there are a lot of family gatherings and obligations I have to uphold. They family stuff starts today. We’re going to a church to see a musical theater Christmas production with my father-in-law. I may not be a big fan of holidays and churches, but I definitely love the theater. My father-in-law and his girlfriend have invited us to this event for several years and this is the first time we are able to go. I expect to have a lot of anxiety leading up to this event, but once I’m there and in my seat I will feel much better.
We have several gatherings to attend over the next 8 or 9 days. Some I’m more excited about that others. I wish that some of the people we saw on Christmas or Christmas Eve were my side of the family, but I know that’s not possible. I did just spend a week back in Connecticut with my family, but I always miss every single person when the holidays come around.
My mother-in-law called. I answered and had a nice talk with her. She told me about one of our cousins who lives close by. He just graduated from college and his wife is throwing him a party tonight at 7pm. My mother-in-law asked me if I wanted to go to the party. My heart started racing and my anxiety rapidly increased. I almost never say ‘no’ to people, but this time I did. I honestly said, ‘It would be too much for me’. I was worried that my mother-in-law would be upset or disappointed, but she wasn’t at all. Her exact response was ‘Good for you for knowing your boundaries.’
I finally set boundaries and did the right thing for myself! And even better, I didn’t disappoint or upset anyone while doing so. I always think I need to say ‘yes’ to everything, even if it would be too difficult for me to do. I’ve been working on setting boundaries for a while now. Today is the first time that I said ‘no’ right away and with ease. I’m so proud of myself right now. Practice makes perfect.
There is a Meet and Greet today thanks to Danny from Dream Big, Dream Often. It’s a great way to get to know new bloggers.
Thank you to all of those who participate in any way.
“Acknowledging a mistake just means that you are wiser today than you were yesterday.” – Kelly Ann Rothaus
If that’s true, than I must be brilliant 😉 I do my best to acknowledge my mistakes when I see them. I think that’s one of the best ways to learn.
I don’t like disagreements, fights, altercations, disputes, or arguments of any kind. I get extremely uncomfortable in any type of confrontations. There are many arguments that occur without yelling. Sometimes there are just harsh yet passive aggressive remarks. When confrontations occur, my anxiety quickly starts as I usually end up getting very quiet and try to find somewhere that private and without noise. I don’t respond well to others at that time.
I really need to learn how to handle confrontations. I need to stand up for myself at times, and also admit when I’m wrong.
“We’re not meant to fit in. We’re mean to stand out.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach
As a child, all I wanted to do was fit in, but it seemed like I was trying to put a square peg in a round hole. It’s better to be yourself. My bipolar disorder is one thing that may make me stand out, but that’s a good thing. It’s good that every person is unique.
I’m trying to follow through on an appeal that I sent into the Marketplace a couple of months ago. I received a letter basically saying that I need to pay back the tax credit we received in 2016. Fine, it was only a little bit each month. But I still don’t agree with their overall decision and I want to make sure that the same thing doesn’t happen for 2017. I gathered all of my information and called the number in the letter, but they weren’t very helpful.
I get so anxious over these type of issues and calling in to resolve issues. I don’t mind the first phone call because I can prepare myself for what I want to say. However, I don’t know how to respond when they answer or don’t answer my questions. I always end up saying, “Thanks for your help.” My anxiety prevents me from thinking on my feet. I’m going to get some help from my mom, she’s great at this kind of stuff. But I still need to work on responding to people on the spot.
My Side of the Pole 