Author: My Side of the Pole

I'm a 32 year old married woman who has been dealing with Bipolar disorder since the age of 14. This is all about my life, diagnoses, and treatments. If you have any questions, just ask me. I hope that others with Bipolar Disorder or PTSD can relate to my blog and find it helpful.

Long-Term Side Effects

Long-Term Side Effects

I have been taking medication for a long time at this point in my life; it’s been more than 17 years. Every now and then, depending on what medication I’m taking, I will have to deal with some side effects. Some of those side effects cause side effects of their own. It’s a very difficult and complicated issue that appears to have no end.

Right now, a couple of my medications are causing myoclonic twitches, and the twitches have been getting worse over the last few months. I’m still wondering exactly which medications are causing the twitching and I’m curious as to whether or no the twitching will continue to get worse or if it will continue to go away. I wonder the same thing with my nausea and heart burn; will it improve or get worse. What other side effects will I experience since I’m on long-term mental health medications? Are there some precautions I should be taking?

Sick and Tired of Treating My Mental Illness

Sick and Tired of Treating My Mental Illness

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder at a young age. I was 14 the first time I started treatment for mental health issues. It was my first visit to an inpatient behavioral health hospital. I have taken medication every day ever since that time in January of 1999 at the age of 14. I know that I will be on medication for the rest of my life; I don’t time mind as much when the medication is working. Bipolar is a treatable disorder, but it’s easier to treat for some than it is for others. My diagnosis includes treatment-resistant bipolar 1 disorder with psychosis. I give it all I’ve got, to treat my bipolar disorder.

No matter what, I do the best I can to feel okay with my current status, as long as I’m always working towards a healthy state. For me, that means taking my meds as my psychiatrist prescribes, going to support groups, communicating with friends and family, going to talk therapy appointments, and following all suggestions by doctors. I always do what I’m supposed to do, and I am sick and tired of doing it. Especially when what I’m doing isn’t effective or helping me in the way it’s supposed to.

I work hard every day and it feels as if my efforts go unnoticed by my bipolar disorder. I wish I could just stop my meds and I would somehow slip into a healthy state of mind, but I don’t have luck like that. Instead, I’m the kind of person whose mind and body would lose any mental status they had. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. Of course it’s going to be exhausting from time to time, and of course I’m going to want to give up now and then, but every time, I will remind myself that I am far better off than I am without the treatments. One day, the treatments and everything will work. I will finally get the break that I need.

Coping with Anxiety

Coping with Anxiety

Since I’ve been having an increase in the amount of anxiety attacks I’ve been having, I figured I would write about my coping skills and how I get through each episode. My anxiety toolbox includes:

  • Cleaning/organizing my house
  • Count my breathing
  • Calling/texting an understanding friend/family member
  • Coloring in an adult coloring book
  • Listen to comedy that makes you laugh
  • Listen to calming music, possibly from your childhood
  • Taking Valium as prescribed
  • Workout

These techniques are the main tools that I use when I’m having an anxiety attack. I do my best to take care of the anxiety without taking Valium, but I do take it if necessary. Many  of the anxiety solutions are just a distraction from the reason for your anxiety attack. These distractions simply give your mind a break so you can calm down. Most of the time, all I need is a moment and a little bit of help to calm down.

Wedding Anniversary

Wedding Anniversary

Yesterday was the 3 year wedding anniversary for my husband and myself. He took the day off of work. He brought me beautiful flowers a couple days ago. We did a little shopping, played some card games, and went to the Improv to see Christopher Titus. It was a great day!

This past year has been a difficult one, and I wouldn’t have been able to make it through without him. He said the same thing to me. He also said that since we got through such difficult things in the past couple years, the rest of life should be a breeze. He always knows the right thing to say to make me smile. I look forward to many more years together.

Mystery Blogger Award

Mystery Blogger Award

Thank you so much to Aunt Tabbi from Wallflower or Butterfly for nominating me for the Mystery Blogger Award. Please check out her blog, it’s great.

What is a Mystery Blogger Award?

“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve any recognition they get. The award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion.

-Okoto Enigma

The Creator of this amazing award: Okoto Enigma, check out their blog here.

Rules: 

  • Put the award logo/image on your blog.
  • List the rules.
  • Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog!
  • Mention the creator of the award and provide a link to their blog as well.
  • Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
  • You have to nominate 10-20 people.
  • Notify each of your nominees by commenting on their blog.
  • Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify).
  • Share your link to your best post(s).

The things about myself:

  1. I grew up riding horses.
  2. I left high school and went to college when I was 16.
  3. I can’t stand it when my house is dirty; I actually enjoy cleaning.

I nominate the following bloggers:

The Manic Years
Decoding Bipolar
Mixed Emotions
The Bipolar Architect
CrazySoberGirl
BlackGirlDown
2 Angels and a Black Dog
Discoveringsooz
Therapy Bits
Anonymously Autistic

My Answers:

  1. What’s your best part about your personality?
    I pay attention to people and what they say, which makes me an excellent gift giver for birthdays and holidays.
  2. What’s one thing you would change in the world to make it better?
    The first thing that comes to mind is that I would make sure everyone has access to affordable and quality health care.
  3. If you could have 3 wishes, what would they be and why?
    1. My family would live closer to me, I miss them all the time.
    2.I would have horses again, that always brought me so much joy.
    3. I wish my dad got to see me sober before he died. That’s always been my biggest regret.
  4. What’s the last blog post (before this one) that you read? Post the link.
    The last post I read was Speak Louder by The Manic Years
  5. If you could paint someone else’s nails, who would it be and what color would you pick?
    I would do either of my niece’s nails in whichever color they want. It would just be nice spending time with them.

My Questions for My Nominees:

1. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and who would you go with?
2. What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you actually do that?
3. What’s your greatest achievement?
4. Who is your personal hero?
5. What motivates you?

The rules ask to post links to your best posts. I think that this one post, Dual Diagnosis, is my best most recent post.

Boy Who Cried Wolf

Boy Who Cried Wolf

We all know the story of the boy who cried wolf. Well, that story has just occurred in my life. Someone I know was just admitted to the hospital, but no one believed him at first and no one wanted to visit in the beginning. He is always going to the hospital for things like a stomach ache. So, we all figured that it was the same type of thing. However, we found out that this is something serious. We plan on visiting him today. I feel bad for not believing him or visiting sooner, but that’s how it goes when you cry wolf all of the time.

Can’t Sleep In My Bed

Can’t Sleep In My Bed

Every night, I go to bed just a few minutes after my husband. He’s still awake when I come to bed. We have an adjustable, so he puts it so our feet and head are both up a little. We watch TV for a little and I try to fall asleep. It’s not that I’m not tired, I just can’t get comfortable, I think because of the position the bed was in. My husband gets comfortable, and that’s what matters to me.

If I wanted to, I could just go to the guest bedroom, which is empty. However, if I was in the guest bedroom, I wouldn’t have anything as background noise. When I’m in our bedroom or on the couch, I have the TV turned on so I have something to listen to as I fall asleep. I need background noise to drown out my own mind.

Even though I’m having problems sleeping lately, I still go to bed with my husband every night and try falling asleep. I don’t want to give up, so I do my best to fall asleep in my own bed and stay there. It will happen one day.

Dual Diagnosis

Dual Diagnosis

Dual diagnosis is something that affects so many people. Dual diagnosis refers to a person that has a drug and/or alcohol addiction that also has a mood disorder, such as bipolar disorder, depression, and more. I am a recovering drug and alcohol addict. In 2004 I got help; I went to a year-long treatment center that treated both my addiction and my bipolar disorder, and it completely turned my life around. I am now 12 years sober and proud of it. I’m not sure if I’m still considered dual diagnosis since I’ve been sober. I know the addiction never goes away.

Mental health disorders often lead to individuals abusing drugs and/or alcohol. It’s considered self-medicating. Someone may use drugs and/or alcohol to help make themselves feel better, which it may for a very short period of time. However, the euphoria only lasts a short while before the horrible despair sets in. I did this to myself for years before getting help. The causes of my PTSD are from the times that I was actively in my addiction.

 

Juicing Difficulties

Juicing Difficulties

I’m having a hard time staying on my Juicing diet. I just keep slipping up, but I don’t give in. I just wish it was easier, or I wish there was no other food in my house that I wanted to eat. I really want to follow the juicing plan, but I’m extremely stressed out lately. Since I don’t drink alcohol or do drugs, I go straight to food to make me feel better. Food does not work to make me feel better. I have always had problems with food, once I start eating, I can’t stop. I need to find a healthy way to work through any emotional distress. I wonder what that will be.

My Wonderful Husband

My Wonderful Husband

My husband brought home 3 beautiful roses for me, one for each year of marriage. Our anniversary isn’t until the third, I suppose he’s just getting a head start. As of tomorrow, we will be married 3 years. We were also engaged a little over a year, and we were dating for about a year and a half before that. Before all of that, we were best friends for about 5 years. He always said we would end up together. I insisted that wasn’t so, but now look at us, we’re happily married.

We’ve had a lot of difficult times thrown at us this past year. Between my mental health and my husband’s excruciating back pain, it’s been more than hard, but we made it through together, we support each other. I am hoping for some easier times in the future.