I’m so overly tired the past couple of days. When I’m watching TV, I tend to fall asleep on the couch for hours. Yesterday, I fell asleep for 1 1/2 hours on the couch. I woke up, did a few things, and then fell back asleep for another 2 hours. Then, I slept for 8 hours through the night. I feel like I could sleep for 16 hours a day. I think that my medications might be one of the reasons I’m so tired, although none of my meds have changed. The other reason is because of all the stress.
I try to keep moving. When I’m moving, I can’t fall asleep. I’ve tried to drink energy drinks, but those only seem to last for about an hour or so. I don’t drink coffee, but maybe I should start.
I have been sleeping on the couch for the past couple of weeks. I didn’t want to leave Achilles alone in the living room. He’s not allowed on the furniture (we put pie plates up on the couch to keep him off of it). Two nights ago, he jumped up on the couch, despite the pie plates, and woke me up. We decided that he would have to sleep in the crate.
Last night, he slept in his crate and I slept in my bed for the first time in two weeks. I woke up at 4:30am and let him out because he was making a lot of noise. I decided to use the bathroom and then I would let him outside. When I came out of the bathroom, he had gotten sick all over the carpet. So I’ve spent most of my morning cleaning up the white carpet. It’s not an easy task.
I woke up extra early today for some reason, hours earlier than I planned on waking up. Of course, it happened on a day that I can’t eat or drink anything because I’m having ECT done later this morning. I’m always thirsty in the mornings when I can’t drink. Oh well, I’ll just have to deal with it for a few hours.
I can’t do much of anything today since I can’t drive due to the anesthesia. However, tomorrow is going to be an extremely busy day. Tomorrow, I’m supposed to clean the house, bring the dog in for a bath, go to a therapy appointment, go to the bank, get my blood work done, and pick my mom up from the airport. Maybe I’ll start a little early and I’ll begin cleaning the house today. I bet that would make things easier (especially since my husband is having someone over tomorrow to play video games and they say I get in the way when I’m vacuuming.)
Last week, after my last ECT, I came home and tried to sleep I couldn’t. That’s actually happened to me twice now. Maybe if I don’t try to go to bed after today’s treatment, then perhaps I’ll fall asleep on the couch when I’m not trying to. We will just have to wait and see.
I have my next ECT treatment in a couple of hours. I think they have been helping a little bit so far. Since I started the treatments, I am finally able to fall asleep quickly and stay asleep throughout the night. Prior to restarting ECT, I was not able to fall asleep easily, and when I did fall asleep, I woke up within a couple of hours. The progress with my sleep is huge! I wonder what will change next because of the ECT treatments. It would be nice if it could help my depression. I guess I just have to wait and see.
For the past two nights, I’ve finally been sleeping and staying in bed all night long. For the past month or so, I would wake up after being asleep for only an hour or so. Then, I would come out on the couch and attempt to sleep. Sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn’t. But the last two nights I finally got a full night’s sleep. I think it’s even helping me feel better during the day.
I’m still having weird dreams. I remember them when I wake up, but then I forget them after a few minutes, just like I forget everything else. I wish my memory would start improving soon. I feel uncomfortable around people because I’m afraid I’m going to ask them the same thing multiple times. I don’t want to bother people. I’m just doing the best that I can.
Last night I slept better than I have slept in months. I only got up once and I went back to sleep just under 30 minutes. Normally, I wake up once or twice, and I’m awake for anywhere between 1 and 3 hours. Sometimes, I wake up and can’t fall back to sleep at all. I’m happy that I was able to finally get the rest that need. Hopefully I can sleep like that again tonight.
I even remember the dream I had, which is very unusual for me. I remember handing out with an ex of mine. We met at school and then suddenly there were multiple tornadoes all over the place. The ex and I took cover and were safe. Just when we thought it was over, more tornadoes came. I don’t really believe that dreams mean something in our lives. I just find that dream interesting. The tornadoes were so real and scary.
My husband says I’m sleeping too much, but I don’t think I am. He says that any time we sit on the couch to watch TV, I fall asleep. It’s true, I do fall asleep in about 20 minutes, but I’m not sleeping all day. It’s not like a few weeks ago when I was sleeping approximately 12 to 16 hours a day. In fact, all day while he is at work, I’m trying to run errands, clean the house, cook, and manage both of our lives. I wake up usually between 4am and 6am and stay awake. Maybe that’s why I fall asleep so easily while we watch TV. Or maybe it’s the depression, or the medication. No matter what the reason is, I feel as if I’m doing something wrong by falling asleep, and it’s nothing that I can control.
Every night, I go to bed just a few minutes after my husband. He’s still awake when I come to bed. We have an adjustable, so he puts it so our feet and head are both up a little. We watch TV for a little and I try to fall asleep. It’s not that I’m not tired, I just can’t get comfortable, I think because of the position the bed was in. My husband gets comfortable, and that’s what matters to me.
If I wanted to, I could just go to the guest bedroom, which is empty. However, if I was in the guest bedroom, I wouldn’t have anything as background noise. When I’m in our bedroom or on the couch, I have the TV turned on so I have something to listen to as I fall asleep. I need background noise to drown out my own mind.
Even though I’m having problems sleeping lately, I still go to bed with my husband every night and try falling asleep. I don’t want to give up, so I do my best to fall asleep in my own bed and stay there. It will happen one day.