Putting Myself First

My step-son turns 25 today and my mother-in-law is throwing a last-minute party for him. I don’t like last-minute plans. Planning ahead helps me keep my anxiety down. The party is at 11:30, but I have a doctor’s appointment at 11:00am and blood work after that. I guess I will just show up late. Normally, I would reschedule my appointments, but I’m learning that I don’t have to drop everything every time someone invites me to something or asks me for help. I can take care of myself first. I have a hard time putting myself first, but the more I try, the easier it becomes.

Motivation

It’s so hard to get motivated lately. I got home from vacation and all my motivation is gone. There’s so much to do and I can’t seem to get myself to do it. I need to reorganize my closet; t-shirts come out and sweaters go in. I have to pick up prescriptions, I need to make an appointment at the vet so my dog can get a shot and a bath. I also need to contact my new prescription drug company and clean the house. Every time I get one thing done, it feels like I find two more things I need to do.

How can I get motivated? Normally, to-do lists work great for me. However, the past couple days I’ve been struggling to even make to-do lists. I’m getting a couple little things done, but I keep avoiding the big stuff like my closet.

Showing Up For A Friend

The other day I went to a friend’s house for a birthday party. The girl is a very close friend of mine and I wanted to show up and let her know that care about her. That’s what friends are for; we show up for each other. I took Valium to help me get through it. I stayed much longer than I expected and I had a good time. There were about 13 other people there. I wouldn’t have done that for anyone else, but I was happy to show up for her. It was good for me to get out of the house on my own.

Decorating

I did a little bit of decorating today. I put up our small prelit Christmas tree and our stockings, that’s all. I also wrapped all of the Christmas gifts. I don’t feel a need to put up anything more. We don’t do Christmas Eve or Christmas Day at our house and we don’t have small children, so there’s no need for us to decorate unless we want to. I just haven’t had the energy to do so. Plus, we’ve helped both my mom and my mother-in-law put up decorations. That’s enough for me, at least for now.

Intensity

I struggle when people around me get intense. There are a couple of people in my life that get very intense when they are upset. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and it can even start an anxiety attack. I don’t always know how to get those people to calm down. My husband got very intense the other day, so I asked him to try to calm down and to do it for me. I told him that I couldn’t handle it. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn’t. That method would only work for my husband. I don’t know how to do that for other people. Most of the time, I’m too freaked out to even try to ask someone to relax.

My Food Was Good Yesterday

I did well yesterday with my food. I don’t know why, but the hardest time for me is right before bed. That’s when I want to snack, even when I’m not hungry. It sucks, because I make it through the entire day and then struggle late at night. Today I’m going to the grocery store so I can buy everything I need for my block food plan. I’ve used that meal plan to lose weight before and it worked wonderfully.

My husband and I took a walk yesterday to Walmart to buy a Christmas gift for our granddaughter. It was about 2.5 miles round trip. We’re going to try walking more. We would love to do it every day, but we’re trying to be realistic. It sucks that we can’t bring the dog with us on long walks. He gets tired pretty easily; he’s 11 years old and needs to take it easy. Either way, I think I’m off to a good start.

I Need To Lose Weight

I’m back in Phoenix, but I’m not so sure I want to be here. I was enjoying my time with my family. There was still so many people to see and so much to do. There’s never enough time to do everything you want. However, I was ecstatic to see my dog when I got home. I missed him clearly.

I seriously have to lose some weight. I’ve never been this big before. The seats on the second flight were so skinny that I almost didn’t fit in them. That was extremely depressing. The seat was so tight that my leg was hurting because the armrest was cutting off circulation to my leg. I think it’s time to do something about my weight. My weight has been up and down my whole life. I guess it’s time to lose some weight again. I’m sure it would make me feel better both physically and mentally. I hope I can lose weight, some of the meds I’m on cause weight gain. I won’t know unless I try.

Headed Home To Arizona

My husband and I are on our way back home to Phoenix. We’re in Philadelphia on our 3 hour layover. I don’t really want to go back to Phoenix. I never have enough time in Connecticut with my family no matter how long I’m there for. Maybe I should stay for two weeks the next time I go. I would like to stay long enough that I actually want to go back to Phoenix.

The party for my mom’s birthday went wonderfully. Everyone was thanking me for putting it all together, but I couldn’t have done it without everyone else. It was a potluck, so the majority of the food came from the guests. The only thing I made was quiche and I ordered an edible arrangement (which was definitely a big hit). I liked organizing the party because I always had something to do. I didn’t have to worry about conversations with other people since I was always moving.

I had a few great visits with my grandmother. She’s 91 years old and is doing very well. I love the fact that I can speak openly with her. She does her best to understand my limitations. It’s nice that she things of my husband as well. Sometimes our conversations are weird and don’t make sense, but when they are fantastic when they do.

I got to visit with my brother and his wife. I always enjoy talking to him. Our relationship has improved over the years. I also visited with my sister and her husband. That went well. She and I both work at our relationship; it’s a tense relationship, but it’s there. We will be okay as long as we keep working at it. Her kids are growing up so quickly. I love seeing them any chance I get. I spent some time with my aunt, who I get along with very well and enjoy talking to.

There was a lot more that we did over the past week. We got a Christmas tree, decorated a bit, visited with some friends, helped my aunt out with her party, finished a jigsaw puzzle (I love doing those), and wrapped a bunch of Christmas presents. I went through a lot of Valium, much more than I normally do, but still not as much as I’m prescribed. Since I didn’t have the time to post every day like I normally do, I guess that’s a basic overview of the past week. I missed posting every day and I’m excited to get back to my regular schedule.

A Quick Check-In

So far, we have been going non-stop. We have gotten a lot done and have still have lots more to do. I haven’t had much time to check in here. I had a couple of minutes, so I thought I would say hello. Today and tomorrow will be very busy days. I get to see my aunt today and tomorrow is the party for my mom. My day is already off to a good start. My husband just came downstairs and gave me a kiss and a neck massage; that always makes me feel special.

Arrived In Connecticut

I made it to Connecticut without any problems. I like traveling with my husband; it’s so much easier than traveling by myself. He helps me feel comfortable and safe when I’m in the airport and on the plane. I’m so happy to be back home with my family, even if it’s just for a week. I will be spending time with everyone; there’s lots to do. I already got to see several people, and I’ve only been here for half a day. I’m hoping it snows at least once while I’m here. I would love for my husband to be able to see and experience that.

I always call Connecticut my home. Even though I live in Arizona now, and have for many years, Connecticut will always be my home. However, it does get confusing, because I call Arizona my home as well. They’re just different types of homes.

I may not be posting as much as I normally do because I’ve got lots to do. I want to spend as much time with my family as possible. I’m still here, just not as much.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Tag: Bipolar