Yesterday was a slow day. I wasn’t feeling very well, so I pretty much laid on the couch all day. It was a very long and boring day. I’m feeling better today, so I need to get back on track. I need to go grocery shopping today and workout (Zumba).
I’ve been eating healthy and working out for a little while now. I lost 3 pounds in the first 3 days, but then my weight has stayed steady since then. It makes me feel like I’m doing all of this work for nothing. I know the results will show up eventually, I just don’t have a lot of patience. Patience is one of the most important things I need to keep right now. I don’t want to give up before the results show. I’m doing all the right things, the results will show eventually.
I did well yesterday with my food. I don’t know why, but the hardest time for me is right before bed. That’s when I want to snack, even when I’m not hungry. It sucks, because I make it through the entire day and then struggle late at night. Today I’m going to the grocery store so I can buy everything I need for my block food plan. I’ve used that meal plan to lose weight before and it worked wonderfully.
My husband and I took a walk yesterday to Walmart to buy a Christmas gift for our granddaughter. It was about 2.5 miles round trip. We’re going to try walking more. We would love to do it every day, but we’re trying to be realistic. It sucks that we can’t bring the dog with us on long walks. He gets tired pretty easily; he’s 11 years old and needs to take it easy. Either way, I think I’m off to a good start.
I’m back in Phoenix, but I’m not so sure I want to be here. I was enjoying my time with my family. There was still so many people to see and so much to do. There’s never enough time to do everything you want. However, I was ecstatic to see my dog when I got home. I missed him clearly.
I seriously have to lose some weight. I’ve never been this big before. The seats on the second flight were so skinny that I almost didn’t fit in them. That was extremely depressing. The seat was so tight that my leg was hurting because the armrest was cutting off circulation to my leg. I think it’s time to do something about my weight. My weight has been up and down my whole life. I guess it’s time to lose some weight again. I’m sure it would make me feel better both physically and mentally. I hope I can lose weight, some of the meds I’m on cause weight gain. I won’t know unless I try.
Just like everything else in my life, things only work for me if I do it on a regular basis. I need patterns to get things done. For example, I get up and do the same activities every morning. I run errands around the same time every day. I keep my doctor appointments around the same time. The same is true for working out.
I started a workout routine last week. I workout at least 3 days a week. Eventually, I want to get to 5 days a week. I try to start my workout, usually Zumba videos, shortly after my husband goes to work. I also go to the gym once or twice a week with my husband. I have to make sure that this becomes a regular activity, otherwise the workouts will not stick. I have to find some way to workout while I’m traveling. Even if it’s as simple as taking a walk.
This week has been the slowest week I’ve had in a very long time. I’ve only had one doctor’s appointment this week, it was this past Wednesday. That appointment, therapy, went pretty well. Normally, life is only this slow when I go away on vacation. I normally have multiple doctor’s appointments and other engagements throughout each week. Having such a slow week has thrown off my routine. I like it, but it’s different from normal, and different can be difficult.
The free time has given me the opportunity to start working out again. I’ve worked out at home and at the gym on my free days, which for this week has been often. I’m glad that I was able to do something positive with my free time.
Yesterday I worked out again, which makes that two days in a row. I probably won’t be able to workout again today because my brother-in-law is coming over. My goal is to work out anywhere from 3 to 5 days a week. I think that’s possible. I don’t want to set the bar too high in the beginning and feel as if it’s unattainable, so I’m starting out easy. I’m trying to live in the moment, which is a lot easier for me to do. Normally, I plan way ahead and then I can’t reach the unrealistic goal I set.
My brother-in-law comes over so my husband and him can play games on the PlayStation, which is great because it’s important for my husband and his brother to spend time together. The only thing I don’t like about that, is that they get very loud and yell back at the game. I know that pretty much anyone who plays the games they play also yell. The yelling just bothers me, so I go in the bedroom and turn the TV up loud. It’s a simple solution.
Yesterday, I said that since I didn’t have much to do, I would possibly do some Zumba and/or clean the house. I didn’t do all of these things, but I did do one of them. I did a Zumba workout video! That was probably the best thing that I could have done for myself. I need to get back into a routine of working out regularly. It felt great when I finished the video, but after it was done, I had no energy left to clean the house (the house was already pretty clean anyway). I also contacted a few family members that I don’t talk to all of the time. It was nice to chat with them. I can’t wait see all of them when I go home at the end of this month.
I don’t have a lot to do today. My to-do list is very short, just a couple of activities and that’s all. I don’t like having a short to-do list, it makes me feel lazy. Maybe I should clean the house as well. Maybe I could do a Zumba workout. Both of those things sound good to me and would take about 5 hours to complete. It would also make my to-do list a lot longer. When I clean, I write each individual task on my list. It makes me feel more productive.
I could also work on choosing a new Medicare plan, but that is every confusing. I probably need help with that over the phone or in person, which doesn’t work well for Sundays. I will do all the research I can and write down all of my questions so I’m prepared when I talk to someone who can help me.
I’ve thought about taking some form of martial arts or self-defense class for the past couple months. I think it may make me feel a little safer in my life. It used to make me feel safe when I studied martial arts 12 years ago. It would also help me get in shape and be healthy. The only problem is that I’m too scared to do it on my own. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll probably think about it for approximately 3 months before doing something. I just want to feel empowered, I want to feel like I can take care of myself. I don’t want to be terrified for my life every time someone knocks on the door. I want to know that I can take my dog for a walk by myself and not feel threatened by others around me. I’m not sure if this will ever happen, but at least I know I’m thinking about it, which is the first step in the process.
I’ve been working out on a regular basis. I either do Zumba at home or I workout at the gym with my husband. Sometimes, like yesterday, I do both. It feels good to be able to push myself through these workouts; however, it would be nice if I was able to lose some weight. It doesn’t matter how much I workout or what I eat, my weight either stays the same or I gain weight. It’s extremely frustrating. I was going to give up, but my husbad reminded me that working out is not just about losing weight. It’s also about being healthy.
I know that the Clozapine is a big factor in the weight gain. It’s also what is making it almost impossible for me to lose weight. I really want to go off of if because of that; however, I made a committment to increase my dose until I get to 400mg. I want to keep my committment, but I also need to stay healthy. It’s very possible that once I stop increasing my dose, my body will get used to the Clozapine and the side effect of weight gain could go away.
I really want to try to wait this out. I want to have hope that the weight gain will stop. I want to hope that my working out will help me lose weight. Right now, I’m just trying to stay hopeful, which is extremely difficult.