Tag: Causes

Depression Triggers

Depression Triggers

This depressive episode has me dealing with some depression symptoms that are not normal for me. My symptoms include weight gain, hopelessness, inability to feel pleasure, lack of interest, sadness, extreme fatigue, sleeping more than normal, excessive hunger, restlessness, and suicidal ideations. I push myself to get through this every day. I make myself get out of the house because I know it’s good for me. Just because it’s good for me doesn’t mean it’s easy to do.

I’m trying to figure out why this depressive episode is even happening. Normally, I can pinpoint the reason or trigger for an episode, either depressive or manic. Some of the reasons are medication induced, situational, or emotional. The problem is that I can’t find the reason for this depressive episode. I’m wondering if it’s possible that my recent ECT treatment could have caused this depression. I had already started to feel slightly depressed when I had the treatment, but I have felt so much worse ever since I woke up from it. It feels like ECT was a jumpstart into depression.

Does it even really matter what the cause is for any episode? I suppose the reason to know what triggered an episode is to help for the future. If you know what caused a depressive episode, then you can avoid that trigger in the future. I’ve been doing ECT treatment for over a year, and this is the first time I’m having problems like this. It may not be a trigger for me, but it may have been the thing that pushed me over the edge. Other things I’ve been experiencing that can cause depression are poor sleep habits, poor diet, weight gain, other health problems, and feeling home sick. I wonder, with this such as weight gain and poor diet, which was first. Did they occur first as a symptom of bipolar depression or were they triggers for the bipolar depression?

Overwhelmed and Anxious

Overwhelmed and Anxious

I have so many things to get done in a limited amount of time. So many things, such little time to do it in; we’ve all heard that before, we’ve all probably said that before. Right now, that seems to be my life, except I feel frozen. I’m struggling to get things done, even some of the smallest things. All I can think about is all of the other tasks I need to complete. It’s weird to have your brain running so fast but also be frozen at the same time. What do I do now? Where do I start? Sometimes I feel as if I’m outside of my own body. I feel as if I’m looking at myself and all the things I need to do, and still can’t get it all done.

I feel off, something feels off and I can’t pinpoint it. Is it because I forgot to take my Clozapine two nights ago? Maybe it’s because I’m on a time schedule? It could be because I’m dealing with what appears to be a minor depressive episode, hopefully it doesn’t get worse. It could just be because I’m about to go on another trip to visit my family. I love my family and we get along wonderfully, but it’s still stressful. I’m really looking forward to seeing my family. I can’t wait to have one-on-one time with my mom, nieces, nephew, aunt, grandma, and more. There are so many people to see, and I have only one week to get it all done in.

My best friend from high school just reached out to me and she wants to get together for lunch while I’m back where I grew up. I haven’t seen or talked to this girl since I was 17 or 18 years old. Now, she wants to catch up and that worries me. Now that I think about it, this is probably why I’m having so many issues right now. This is overwhelming. I tend to have anxiety attacks when I go visit my friends that I see regularly, what will happen when if I visit with someone I haven’t seen or talked to in over a decade. Thank goodness for Valium. I don’t take it that often when I’m in my normal surroundings, but I know I will go through quite a lot while I’m away. I won’t take more than I’m supposed to, but I’m allowed two 10 mg pills a day, and that is a lot to me.

What Caused My Bipolar Disorder?

What Caused My Bipolar Disorder?

No one really knows what causes bipolar disorder, but there are several known possibilities. Some of the circumstances include genetic inheritance, brain chemistry, life events, substance abuse, and childhood trauma. I’ve always wondered what caused my bipolar disorder and if it was it something that could have been avoided. In my case, and in most cases, there are multiple situations that cause bipolar disorder. For me, I think that all of the known possible causes had something to do with the reasons for my bipolar disorder.

Genetic inheritance definitely had a part in my bipolar disorder. My father had a brother and a sister that both had some form of mental health disorder. I don’t know what the diagnosis was, if any, but I do know that they used to and still do struggle with mental health. There is also at least one person on my mother’s side that deals with depression. Having family members that deals with mental health makes it more likely that I would have some form of mental illness because it’s something that could have been inherited.

Individuals with bipolar disorder also often have different brain chemistry than those without bipolar disorder; their brains often work differently allowing them to be predisposed to both manic and depressive episodes. The brain structure of those with bipolar disorder is different from those without bipolar. This may help doctors diagnose and treat bipolar in the future.

Certain life events can also be a cause of bipolar disorder because of the stress that they cause. I had a fantastic childhood with loving parents. I felt loved every moment of every day. The only life event that could have had an effect was the diagnosis of my father’s cancer when I was 12 years old and his death when I was 18 years old. It was very hard for me; my father was my best friend. Stressful life events can cause manic or depressive episodes; they can also influence kids, such as myself, to turn to drugs or alcohol.

Substance abuse most likely played a huge part in my mental health diagnosis. I did anything and everything that was available; all I wanted to do was forget how I was feeling. I used drugs and alcohol to the extreme from the ages of 12 to 19, when I got sober. Gratefully, I’m now coming up on 12 years sober, which probably makes a big difference in the treatment of my bipolar disorder.

Childhood trauma is also a factor for many. The traumatic events I experienced were in my teenage years. I lost my father at age 18. I was also in a physical and emotionally abusive relationship from the age of 17 to 18. That year and a half was difficult for me; it has also made the rest of my life exceptionally difficult. I still have many fears and am hesitant to do a lot of things because of events that occurred during that relationship.

Over the years, I wondered what happened; how could such a happy childhood turn into such a difficult life. I had a wonderful childhood; I was pretty popular in school, I had a great relationship with my entire family, and we were lucky enough to have more than necessary. I used to wonder if maybe I did something differently in my life, then I wouldn’t have ended up with this diagnosis. I used to think that it was my fault, that I was to blame for my mental health problems. However, after writing this post, I realized that I experienced most of the possible circumstance that could cause mental illness. It wouldn’t have mattered what I did, I was bound to end up diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It’s no one’s fault. No one is responsible for their mental health diagnoses. What we are responsible for is helping ourselves get better over time. We can take control of our disorders; it’s not easy, but it is possible.