I have so many things to get done in a limited amount of time. So many things, such little time to do it in; we’ve all heard that before, we’ve all probably said that before. Right now, that seems to be my life, except I feel frozen. I’m struggling to get things done, even some of the smallest things. All I can think about is all of the other tasks I need to complete. It’s weird to have your brain running so fast but also be frozen at the same time. What do I do now? Where do I start? Sometimes I feel as if I’m outside of my own body. I feel as if I’m looking at myself and all the things I need to do, and still can’t get it all done.

I feel off, something feels off and I can’t pinpoint it. Is it because I forgot to take my Clozapine two nights ago? Maybe it’s because I’m on a time schedule? It could be because I’m dealing with what appears to be a minor depressive episode, hopefully it doesn’t get worse. It could just be because I’m about to go on another trip to visit my family. I love my family and we get along wonderfully, but it’s still stressful. I’m really looking forward to seeing my family. I can’t wait to have one-on-one time with my mom, nieces, nephew, aunt, grandma, and more. There are so many people to see, and I have only one week to get it all done in.

My best friend from high school just reached out to me and she wants to get together for lunch while I’m back where I grew up. I haven’t seen or talked to this girl since I was 17 or 18 years old. Now, she wants to catch up and that worries me. Now that I think about it, this is probably why I’m having so many issues right now. This is overwhelming. I tend to have anxiety attacks when I go visit my friends that I see regularly, what will happen when if I visit with someone I haven’t seen or talked to in over a decade. Thank goodness for Valium. I don’t take it that often when I’m in my normal surroundings, but I know I will go through quite a lot while I’m away. I won’t take more than I’m supposed to, but I’m allowed two 10 mg pills a day, and that is a lot to me.

6 thoughts on “Overwhelmed and Anxious

  1. We’re so similar. My anxiety does the same thing – my thoughts go crazy and I freeze up. In general I’m not so good at interacting with others…a few years ago my anxiety was so severe I couldn’t even talk on the phone or see people. I don’t think many people realize how debilitating anxiety can be. t hope everything goes well with your family and friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Remember – you are allowed to say “no”. Just because your best friend from high school wants to see you, doesn’t mean you have to make time on this trip. Your time is precious to you while you are home and you already have lots to do. If it is too much pressure – just tell her your schedule is already really booked up and it can’t be worked out on this trip, but that you would love to catch up by Skype sometime. That way you can see her and talk to her and do it from the safety of your home – at a time that works for you both. Saying “no” doesn’t have to be shutting a door, it can be taking control and deciding when, more like saying “not now”.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I left it open with her. I told her that I have a lot to do when I go back home to visit and I would let her know if I have the time. I didn’t say no (it was too difficult), but I didn’t say yes. I was proud of myself for that.

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