Feeling Useless; I’ve Felt Like This Before

The past few days have been pretty rough. My husband hasn’t been feeling well, and we don’t know what’s wrong. At first, we thought it was just the flu. Some blood work came back, and we’re afraid it may be an autoimmune disease, liver disease, or something else more serious. So now, we’re waiting for more blood test results. I hate waiting.

The past few days have been hard for me, even though I’m not the one that’s ill. I keep trying to find ways to help my husband feel better, but there’s nothing that I can do to help. It reminds me of when I was a kid. My dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was 12 or 13. He was pretty sick fairly often, especially from chemo and dialysis. I remember hanging around my dad when he was sick and feeling completely useless. He wasn’t feeling well and there was nothing I could do to help. That same feeling is coming back now. My husband isn’t feeling well, and nothing I do is helping.

Overwhelming Week

Overwhelming Week

This past week has been overwhelming. I’ve been feeling useless, hopeless, and worthless. I’ve been doing the best I can, but it doesn’t seem to be enough to make me feel worthwhile. No matter what, I keep trying, whether I want to or not. I want to give up, but I keep holding on. I don’t do it for myself, I do it for my family. My main reasons are my husband and my mother. I suppose it doesn’t really matter why I keep trying, what matters is that I keep doing it. I know that some days are better than others, which means that I will have better days than I’m having today. That means, I have to give myself the opportunity to have better moments/days. These crappy feelings will go away. I even feel a little bit better after writing this post than I did when I started writing today.