Late tomorrow afternoon, I have an appointment with my psychiatrist. I’m really nervous about this appointment. He is going to go over my Clozapine blood level with me and change my dose. I’ not really worried about that, but I have just decided that I don’t want to do ECT anymore. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but I finally made my decision (I think). Right now I’m going every four weeks. So at the very least, I could just start by taking an extra month off and seeing how that goes. If it’s a disaster, then I can think about going back on it.
I wrote down on paper what I want to say to him because I don’t normally stand up for my opinions.I don’t like any type of disagreements. Since I wrote it down, then I know I will be able to say exactly what I want to say. I’m going to tell him, ‘I am no longer willing to do ETC treatments. The stress on my body, the memory loss, and the loss of words in conversations is too much for me. It has been this way for a while. I tried putting it off, but I can’t wait any longer. I’m not willing to do the Ketamine treatments at this time.’ Hopefully I can stick by what I say. There’s a better chance of that happening since I wrote down what to say.’ I’ll let you all know how it goes.