Decorating

I did a little bit of decorating today. I put up our small prelit Christmas tree and our stockings, that’s all. I also wrapped all of the Christmas gifts. I don’t feel a need to put up anything more. We don’t do Christmas Eve or Christmas Day at our house and we don’t have small children, so there’s no need for us to decorate unless we want to. I just haven’t had the energy to do so. Plus, we’ve helped both my mom and my mother-in-law put up decorations. That’s enough for me, at least for now.

Intensity

I struggle when people around me get intense. There are a couple of people in my life that get very intense when they are upset. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and it can even start an anxiety attack. I don’t always know how to get those people to calm down. My husband got very intense the other day, so I asked him to try to calm down and to do it for me. I told him that I couldn’t handle it. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn’t. That method would only work for my husband. I don’t know how to do that for other people. Most of the time, I’m too freaked out to even try to ask someone to relax.

My Food Was Good Yesterday

I did well yesterday with my food. I don’t know why, but the hardest time for me is right before bed. That’s when I want to snack, even when I’m not hungry. It sucks, because I make it through the entire day and then struggle late at night. Today I’m going to the grocery store so I can buy everything I need for my block food plan. I’ve used that meal plan to lose weight before and it worked wonderfully.

My husband and I took a walk yesterday to Walmart to buy a Christmas gift for our granddaughter. It was about 2.5 miles round trip. We’re going to try walking more. We would love to do it every day, but we’re trying to be realistic. It sucks that we can’t bring the dog with us on long walks. He gets tired pretty easily; he’s 11 years old and needs to take it easy. Either way, I think I’m off to a good start.

I Need To Lose Weight

I’m back in Phoenix, but I’m not so sure I want to be here. I was enjoying my time with my family. There was still so many people to see and so much to do. There’s never enough time to do everything you want. However, I was ecstatic to see my dog when I got home. I missed him clearly.

I seriously have to lose some weight. I’ve never been this big before. The seats on the second flight were so skinny that I almost didn’t fit in them. That was extremely depressing. The seat was so tight that my leg was hurting because the armrest was cutting off circulation to my leg. I think it’s time to do something about my weight. My weight has been up and down my whole life. I guess it’s time to lose some weight again. I’m sure it would make me feel better both physically and mentally. I hope I can lose weight, some of the meds I’m on cause weight gain. I won’t know unless I try.

Headed Home To Arizona

My husband and I are on our way back home to Phoenix. We’re in Philadelphia on our 3 hour layover. I don’t really want to go back to Phoenix. I never have enough time in Connecticut with my family no matter how long I’m there for. Maybe I should stay for two weeks the next time I go. I would like to stay long enough that I actually want to go back to Phoenix.

The party for my mom’s birthday went wonderfully. Everyone was thanking me for putting it all together, but I couldn’t have done it without everyone else. It was a potluck, so the majority of the food came from the guests. The only thing I made was quiche and I ordered an edible arrangement (which was definitely a big hit). I liked organizing the party because I always had something to do. I didn’t have to worry about conversations with other people since I was always moving.

I had a few great visits with my grandmother. She’s 91 years old and is doing very well. I love the fact that I can speak openly with her. She does her best to understand my limitations. It’s nice that she things of my husband as well. Sometimes our conversations are weird and don’t make sense, but when they are fantastic when they do.

I got to visit with my brother and his wife. I always enjoy talking to him. Our relationship has improved over the years. I also visited with my sister and her husband. That went well. She and I both work at our relationship; it’s a tense relationship, but it’s there. We will be okay as long as we keep working at it. Her kids are growing up so quickly. I love seeing them any chance I get. I spent some time with my aunt, who I get along with very well and enjoy talking to.

There was a lot more that we did over the past week. We got a Christmas tree, decorated a bit, visited with some friends, helped my aunt out with her party, finished a jigsaw puzzle (I love doing those), and wrapped a bunch of Christmas presents. I went through a lot of Valium, much more than I normally do, but still not as much as I’m prescribed. Since I didn’t have the time to post every day like I normally do, I guess that’s a basic overview of the past week. I missed posting every day and I’m excited to get back to my regular schedule.

Not A Moment To Rest

Life has been so busy, I haven’t had a moment to rest. Yesterday was the party for my mom’s birthday, and it was wonderful! Of course, my quiche didn’t turn out right. Every other time I make them, they are fantastic, but this time they took a lot longer to cook than ever before. However, the best part is that everyone got along and had a good time. Everyone thanked me for putting the party together; that made me feel good.

Saturday was also very busy. My husband and I helped my aunt get ready for a party she was hosting. I enjoy helping people out. It’s helpful to me when I have something to do. We also had dinner with a close friend.

Today has been a somewhat lazy day. We’re hanging out and putting up Christmas decorations. I can’t believe we leave in a day and a half. We’ve been extremely productive, but no matter how much we get done, there will always be more to do. I have to go now to run some errands.

A Quick Check-In

So far, we have been going non-stop. We have gotten a lot done and have still have lots more to do. I haven’t had much time to check in here. I had a couple of minutes, so I thought I would say hello. Today and tomorrow will be very busy days. I get to see my aunt today and tomorrow is the party for my mom. My day is already off to a good start. My husband just came downstairs and gave me a kiss and a neck massage; that always makes me feel special.

Arrived In Connecticut

I made it to Connecticut without any problems. I like traveling with my husband; it’s so much easier than traveling by myself. He helps me feel comfortable and safe when I’m in the airport and on the plane. I’m so happy to be back home with my family, even if it’s just for a week. I will be spending time with everyone; there’s lots to do. I already got to see several people, and I’ve only been here for half a day. I’m hoping it snows at least once while I’m here. I would love for my husband to be able to see and experience that.

I always call Connecticut my home. Even though I live in Arizona now, and have for many years, Connecticut will always be my home. However, it does get confusing, because I call Arizona my home as well. They’re just different types of homes.

I may not be posting as much as I normally do because I’ve got lots to do. I want to spend as much time with my family as possible. I’m still here, just not as much.

Chaos Of Flying

I’m writing this while on my first flight; there are no direct flights from Phoenix to Hartford. My husband and I are traveling through the night. We have a 4 hour layover in Charlotte. I’d rather have a long layover than a short one; I hate the stress of thinking I might miss my second flight. My first flight was late due to some kind of maintenance issues (I think). If I had chosen the shorter layover, I probably would have missed my second flight.

The Phoenix airport was busier than I thought it would be, causing my anxiety to rise. I can’t stand it when people just walk all over the place. People should walk on one side of the hallway to go one direction and the opposite side to go the other way, like when driving. However, people don’t do that. They just walk wherever they feel like, pushing their way through the crowds.

I’m sitting in an aisle seat on the plane. People keep bumping into me every time they walk past me. There is no such thing as personal space when traveling via commercial plane. I did fall asleep on my husband’s shoulder for about 45 minutes. At least I got some sleep, it’s better than nothing; I’m not going to count on getting any more. I wonder how busy the Charlotte airport with be. All the chaos and anxiety of flying are completely worth it because I get to see my family at the end of my travels.

I Leave Tonight!

I had so much to do today before the SuperShuttle picks up me and my husband at 9:30pm. I had a doctor’s appointment, prescriptions to fill at two different pharmacies, several errands to run, and I still had to finish packing. Luckily, my husband offered to help out and take care of the car insurance renewal. Vacation is just around the corner! I’m so excited!

I slept about 7 hours last night and I’m very happy about that. I won’t get much sleep tonight on a red eye flight. I’m hoping to be able to take a nap before we leave. Hopefully, the airport won’t be too busy when we get there. I figured that I’ll need one Valium while traveling, but I don’t want to take any more that that. I don’t like having to take it on a regular basis. However, since life has been so busy lately, I have had to take more than I normally do.

My anxiety keeps increasing. The more I get done and get closer I get to completing all the packing, the more my anxiety rises. That’s weird. I think it should be the other way around; I should feel more relaxed with the more complete. It’s probably more excitement than anxiety; I can’t wait to be with my family.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Author: My Side of the Pole