I’ve finished everything that was on my to-do list for today. I finished early and I don’t really know what to do with myself. I’m hungry of course. It’s not because I’m actually hungry, it’s because I don’t have much to do. I still have things that need to get done, it’s just not necessary to do them today. These things involve too much thinking, and I’m not mentally up to all of that.
The better plan is to stretch out, which will help my body feel a little better. Right now, my muscles hurt while I’m sitting still. Maybe I should take the dog for a walk later this evening. I need to start working out again with Zumba, that and walking the dog usually helps me feel better physically.
I have some spare time since I’m on disability and can’t work, but I keep myself occupied. I make to-do lists at night to help me stay focused for the next day. My to-do list has required activities as well as optional activities. If it’s not on my list, it’s not going to get done. Getting to cross things off of my to-do list makes me feel good. I spend a lot of time going to doctor appointments, maintaining my life, maintaining my husband’s life, taking care of our home, running errands, cooking, and cleaning to name a few things.
When I’m at home, I always have the TV on in the background, whether I’m watching it or not. It helps me to have background noise. For some reason, my mind tends to wander when there’s silence. When I’m not doing something from my to-do list, I often explore various things online, play games, or watch TV. No matter what I’m doing, I try to find a balance between relaxation time and constructive time. I’m still working on it, but I think I’ll find the right combination at some point.
My to-do list from yesterday was small. Sometimes I add to it as the day goes on.
October 26, 2016
Go through my email
Check my blog
Go to the bank
Research medicare options
Cut up melons and pineapple
The past few days have been very difficult. Last week, I felt like I was passing time and going through the motions. Now, I seem to be fighting to get through each moment. I think it’s because I know I’m about to go on vacation. I know that I struggle when my schedule changes. However, my schedule hasn’t even changed yet. I’m just caught up trying to prepare for vacation. There’s too much to get done. I feel overwhelmed, like I’m drowning. But I do know that it will all work out; I just need to hang on and stay organized.
I have so much to do before I leave for vacation. It starts with making a packing list, and then a to-do list of all the errands and tasks I need to get done. I love to-do lists. If it’s not written down, then it’s not going to get done. I will probably start all of that tomorrow. The biggest task is figuring out all my medications for the trip. I’ll be gone for 10 days, and it would not be good if I run out of meds.
My husband has a lot of medical bills, not nearly as much as I do, but his are for his back. He has a herniated disc and a bulging disc as well as degenerative disc disease. He had back surgery last year, which helped a little, but not enough. I keep all of my important documents filed alphabetically. So if I can’t figure out these bills, then I don’t know any regular person that could.
I’m having problems keeping track of all the bills. He already met his deductible, but for some reason, we are getting bills and I don’t know what to do with them. I’m a very organized person, but I still struggle keeping everything in order. One of the bills we got in the mail says that we owe $400, but it doesn’t even say why. There’s no date of service on the bill or any explanation regarding the medical service provided. Obviously, I’m going to have to call the billing departments and dispute these bills. I really hate handling these types of issues.
I can’t seem to get moving today. I fell asleep on the couch this morning less than an hour after I woke up. I’m not sure why I’m so tired, I actually slept through the night last night. Normally, I wake up several times. There are so many things I need to get done today. In addition to everything on my to-do list, I also have to clean up my house. It’s technically clean, but messy. I don’t like having a messy house, so that has to be taken care of soon.
I have so many things I need to get done today, but I’m having a hard time doing them. I’m not being lazy; I’m just overwhelmed with things to do. I have already gotten my blood work done, went to the gym to workout, went bowling with my husband, played cards with my mother-in-law, and did a bit of blogging (not in that order). However, there’s so much more to do. I still need to shower, cancel my upcoming ECT appointment, meditate, clean/organize the house a bit, and contact a couple of friends. I just don’t know where to start; probably with the shower.
A couple of months ago I applied to be a blogger for the International Bipolar Foundation. Yesterday, I received a response from them. They said I can choose to be either a guest blogger or monthly blogger. I’m so excited. I need to get started on this as well. I feel honored that the IBPF organization wants me to write for them. Getting started on this is more important to me than cleaning and organizing my house. I think I will shower and then meditate. Hopefully, that will relax me enough to keep writing today.
I’m home and I’m trying to get some things done today. I just don’t seem to have the energy or desire. When I was in Connecticut visiting my mom, I could get up and start doing things without a problem; it wasn’t difficult for me. However, now that I’m home, I notice that it seems to take a lot more effort. Why is that? Why is life easier in one place and harder in another? I wish I had the same amount of energy and desire no matter where I am. When I’m home, I rely on my routine, which I’m having a hard time following so far today. I had this same problem with productivity before I left for vacation; I think I have this problem any time I’m home. I almost always get things done, but it’s extremely difficult. I usually feel as if I’m pushing myself close to my breaking point. When I’m away, I do what I want, when I want, but it’s all so much easier to do and I’m much more productive.
Maybe it will just take me a little time to get back in the swing of things, hopefully. It’s possible that I’m just overwhelmed because there’s so much to do. My husband does try to clean up before I come back home. The thought he puts in is enough for me, it shows that he cares. Plus, no one can clean up as well as I can, at least not to my standards. I know my husband tried because the bed was made and there were no dishes in the sink. There are papers all over the place, but it could be a lot worse. I want to be a productive person, I want to get things done without pushing myself beyond my breaking point; however, productivity requires energy and efficiency. Maybe I can just do one thing an hour. I could also spend 20 minutes coloring in my new adult coloring books in-between each task I get done.
I still have to email my doctor, go grocery shopping, unpack, pick up the papers all over the house, pick up my prescriptions, return a gift that doesn’t work, and call a doctor’s office to debate a bill that they billed incorrectly (I think). It’s a lot to do, but it’s all written down on my to-do list. I need to be productive, for myself. I need to feel useful. The more I get done, the better I feel about myself.
I leave tomorrow to go back home. I’m both saddened and excited at the same time. I don’t want to leave my mom and other family members; however, I miss my husband, his (my) family, my dog, and my routine. I’m close with my husband’s family, I feel like they are my family, not just my in-laws. I’ll be home tomorrow night. My husband is picking me up from the airport and I can’t wait to see him.
I have lots to do today so I can go back home tomorrow. I’m anxious because I have so much to do and I’m not sure if I can get it all done, but I’ll do my best. I wrote my to-do list last night. Besides writing my blog, I have to email my doctor, wash my hair, do laundry, pack, try to go see my grandma once more, go to the local farmer’s market, and look for secondary health insurance. I also have a few things to help my mom with, while I’m still here. I know it sounds obvious to wash my hair, but it’s such a huge task because it’s so long that I feel it’s worthy of being on my to-do list. I can tie my hair in a knot, like a bun, and it stays up. I’ve been meaning to look at secondary health insurance, it might help to have something in addition to my primary insurance. I figured I would do it while I’m here so my mom can help me figure it out. Sometimes, I just get overwhelmed and can’t figure out how to do even the simplest of things.
I got so many other things done already this past week and was able to visit with so many people. I met with two family friends yesterday and was able to catch up with them. I had a great visit with both of them. My brother and his awesome wife invited me over for dinner last night. I’m honored that they would invite me, and we had a great time. I love how happy they are together.
Now, I just have to get moving so I can get all of these things done on my list. I can’t put off washing my hair, laundry, or packing any longer.