Improving Bit by Bit

I don’t quite understand why the days go by so quickly, but the weeks and months seem to drag on and on. I keep trying to get everything done on my daily to do lists. I keep trying, even though I’m not always successful. Blogging is one of my daily tasks that I don’t seem able to complete, but at least I’m doing it today.

I feel like I’m doing a lot better since I started the IV Ketamine. I do the treatments every other week at this point. I’m actually interested in doing all sorts of activities and I enjoy myself when doing them. I feel better about myself in general and my negative thoughts have decreased a large amount. I hope it keeps going this way, improving bit by bit.

Productivity

Yesterday was an extremely productive day. I got everything done on my to-do list by 3pm. I even had time to do extra tasks. I probably should have given myself a break, but I felt that I should continue my productivity since I had the energy. Today is going to be a day where I get to rest a lot. I have another ECT treatment at 9:45am. I’ll probably be home by 11am and I’ll get to take a nap. Then, my husband and I meet his father for a late lunch date. I plan on getting as much rest as possible tomorrow.

I spent a good amount of time with Achilles yesterday. We cuddled on the floor, played catch inside, and went on a nice long walk at night (as always). He really seems to be settling into his new home. He’s getting used to his new schedule, he’s taking all of his medication like a champ, he’s getting healthier, and he’s getting stronger. Having Achilles around gives me a reason to get up. I feel lucky to have him as the newest part of my family.

Struggling with Daily Motivation

I’ve been having some problems with motivation lately. It has been a struggle to get my normal household activities done. Whether it’s cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking, or grocery shopping; I seem to have a difficult time doing any of it. I’ve been writing everything on my to do list. Having everything written down really helps me be productive. I even ordered a new journal, called a bullet journal, that will help me be even more organized. I can’t wait until it gets here!

Not only do I struggle with completing daily tasks, I also struggle with reaching out to friends and family. I even put making a phone call to someone in particular on my to do list. If I don’t write it down, then I won’t remember to do it, no matter how much I really want to talk to that person. I tend to isolate when I’m feeling down. In fact, I tend to isolate all the time, no matter how I’m feeling. When I’m by myself, no one can tell me that I’m wrong.

I still have a lot to do while I wait for my new journal to arrive. Today has been a very productive day. I’ve done everything that is written on my list (I don’t like it when I’m not able to cross everything off). I try to motivate myself by creating to do lists. It is helpful, but only to the extent that I allow. I often leave multiple things off of my to do lists because I don’t think I’ll be able to complete them and I don’t want to have something on my list that is not crossed off. I’m hoping that this new journal will help me be a little more productive. I’ll let you know how it goes when I receive it.

Medication For Memory Loss

I’ve only had two ECT treatments so far and my memory is already getting worse. I’m already forgetting where I put things, what movies I’ve seen, and other normal day-to-day things. Last night, I made a to-do list for all of the things I have to do today; however, I’m looking at my list and I don’t know what everything means. I wrote Cigna on my list, but I have no clue what I’m supposed to do with that. Neither me or my husband is insured by Cigna. I’m hoping that eventually it will come to me.

My psychiatrist started me on medication for Alzheimer’s. He prescribed two medications. One is Donepezil, which I will start tonight. The other prescription is not ready yet. I’m hoping that these new meds will help with my memory loss.

Motivation

It’s so hard to get motivated lately. I got home from vacation and all my motivation is gone. There’s so much to do and I can’t seem to get myself to do it. I need to reorganize my closet; t-shirts come out and sweaters go in. I have to pick up prescriptions, I need to make an appointment at the vet so my dog can get a shot and a bath. I also need to contact my new prescription drug company and clean the house. Every time I get one thing done, it feels like I find two more things I need to do.

How can I get motivated? Normally, to-do lists work great for me. However, the past couple days I’ve been struggling to even make to-do lists. I’m getting a couple little things done, but I keep avoiding the big stuff like my closet.

Can’t Sleep

Why am I awake? I have so much to do tomorrow. There are only two days until I leave and I have way too much to get done. My to-do list is so long, I hope I can get it all done. A good night’s sleep would really be helpful, but of course that’s not going to happen tonight. I would like to get started on my list right now, but that would make too much noise and wake up my husband.

I can’t wait to be with my family, I miss them all so much. I’m overly excited to spend time with my mom, siblings, aunt, grandma, nieces, nephew, and some good friends. Maybe it’s the excitement that is keeping me from sleeping. That seems like a good explanation.

Not Much To Do

I don’t have a lot to do today. My to-do list is very short, just a couple of activities and that’s all. I don’t like having a short to-do list, it makes me feel lazy. Maybe I should clean the house as well. Maybe I could do a Zumba workout. Both of those things sound good to me and would take about 5 hours to complete. It would also make my to-do list a lot longer. When I clean, I write each individual task on my list. It makes me feel more productive.

I could also work on choosing a new Medicare plan, but that is every confusing. I probably need help with that over the phone or in person, which doesn’t work well for Sundays. I will do all the research I can and write down all of my questions so I’m prepared when I talk to someone who can help me.

All Finished… Now What

I’ve finished everything that was on my to-do list for today. I finished early and I don’t really know what to do with myself. I’m hungry of course. It’s not because I’m actually hungry, it’s because I don’t have much to do. I still have things that need to get done, it’s just not necessary to do them today. These things involve too much thinking, and I’m not mentally up to all of that.

The better plan is to stretch out, which will help my body feel a little better. Right now, my muscles hurt while I’m sitting still. Maybe I should take the dog for a walk later this evening. I need to start working out again with Zumba, that and walking the dog usually helps me feel better physically.

Passing Time

I have some spare time since I’m on disability and can’t work, but I keep myself occupied. I make to-do lists at night to help me stay focused for the next day. My to-do list has required activities as well as optional activities. If it’s not on my list, it’s not going to get done. Getting to cross things off of my to-do list makes me feel good. I spend a lot of time going to doctor appointments, maintaining my life, maintaining my husband’s life, taking care of our home, running errands, cooking, and cleaning to name a few things.

When I’m at home, I always have the TV on in the background, whether I’m watching it or not. It helps me to have background noise. For some reason, my mind tends to wander when there’s silence. When I’m not doing something from my to-do list, I often explore various things online, play games, or watch TV. No matter what I’m doing, I try to find a balance between relaxation time and constructive time. I’m still working on it, but I think I’ll find the right combination at some point.

My to-do list from yesterday was small. Sometimes I add to it as the day goes on.

October 26, 2016
Go through my email
Check my blog
Doctor appointment
Grocery Store
Go to the bank
Research medicare options
Cut up melons and pineapple

Getting Ready To Prepare For Vacation

The past few days have been very difficult. Last week, I felt like I was passing time and going through the motions. Now, I seem to be fighting to get through each moment. I think it’s because I know I’m about to go on vacation. I know that I struggle when my schedule changes. However, my schedule hasn’t even changed yet. I’m just caught up trying to prepare for vacation. There’s too much to get done. I feel overwhelmed, like I’m drowning. But I do know that it will all work out; I just need to hang on and stay organized.

I have so much to do before I leave for vacation. It starts with making a packing list, and then a to-do list of all the errands and tasks I need to get done. I love to-do lists. If it’s not written down, then it’s not going to get done. I will probably start all of that tomorrow. The biggest task is figuring out all my medications for the trip. I’ll be gone for 10 days, and it would not be good if I run out of meds.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Tag: To-Do Lists