I have been trying my hardest to help myself feel better, both mentally and physically. Over the past 6 to 8 months, my depression has helped me to gain weight and feel worthless. I’ve lost some weight, but I’ve been stuck at the weight for over a month now. It doesn’t help that I enjoy cooking and eating (of course). Cooking helps me feel useful. It’s something that I’m good at and I even enjoy it. I’ve decided to cut back on my cooking; and when I do cook, I will be cooking healthier. I think that I should try to find another activity that I can do and want to do.
Today, my blood pressure was pretty high. I had my BP taken by the nurse before seeing my doctor. She first used an electric BP cuff, and it came out to be 167/147. I told her that it’s usually lower when done manually. I also tried breathing calmly while she was taking my BP manually. It worked! It got all the way down to 147/97. It’s still higher than it should be, but it’s lower than it was just a few minutes before. If you look at how stressful life is lately, it makes sense that my BP would be high. It’s something that I’ll keep working on, and hopefully it will get better. However, I can only work on so many things at one time.
It’s almost time for my vacation. I leave, in just one week from tomorrow evening, to go on vacation to Cape Cod. I’m really looking forward to seeing my family, especially the time alone I’ll have with my mom. I wish I would have lost some more weight before my trip. Oh well, I did the best I could, and I will keep trying every day, even while I’m out there on vacation.
I have another day filled with errands and stuff to do around the house. It does make the day go faster. I’m going to keep working out. I think I might even bring my Zumba DVDs to Cape Cod with me. I am losing weight, slowly but surely. I know how easy it is to fall back into bad eating habits. I have to remind myself that I can do this. I will reach my goal eventually. I think that if I keep a positive attitude towards weight loss, I will keep losing weight.
When I woke up this morning, I finally decided to make a much-needed change. I’m not exactly sure what has pushed me to make this decision, but am going to start working on losing some weight and getting healthier. I want to do this for many reasons, but the main reason is because I deserve it.
I’m going to start cooking and eating better. It all starts with a healthy grocery trip, which I did successfully this afternoon. I feel pretty good that I made it through my first day. It wasn’t easy. I’ve even been looking for some healthy recipes I’m willing to make. Most of all, there will be no more eating out of boredom, anger, or any other emotions. I also will be watching my portion sizes.
I expect this to be difficult, but I know I can do it because I’ve done it before, multiple times. I started out with today being a very successful day.
I’m struggling to lose weight. It’s such a pain in the ass. Oh well, it will happen at some point. I enjoy cooking for my husband, but it doesn’t help with weight loss. I’ve been trying some new recipes lately. Last night’s dinner definitely wasn’t healthy. Maybe I should look at some new, healthier recipes.
Right now, I should be focused on what’s currently happening and what’s coming up this weekend. My husband and I are going to Flagstaff for a couple of days. There’s a camping event that happens every year. I used to bring my dog with me and we would have a lot of fun. I’m getting nervous about being around that many people. It will be easier since I’ll be with my husband. Even though I know most of the people there, it still makes me nervous. I’m actually rethinking going to the event. Maybe we’ll still go away for a couple of days, but not go to the event. I’ll have to talk to my husband about it. I’ll let you know what we decide to do.
Today is going a bit better. I feel okay so far. I’ve been able to get some things done. Now, I’m about to get ready to go to the gym with my husband. I’m anxious, but at least I go. It’s better than not going. I’ve decided to go to Cape Cod, so I should probably try to lose a bit of weight. Now, I have a reason, a goal to lose weight for. Of course, I would want to look as good as possible in a bathing suit. It’s not for anyone else, it’s just for myself. I’ve learned over the years that the things we do are for ourselves, not for others. Doing the best we can is to please ourselves. I’m so proud of my niece, she’s 13 years old, she has learned that at such a young age when it took me so long to figure it out. She is a figure skater, and competes. She says that she competes against herself, not against the other people there. It’s such a great attitude and way to look at things.
There are many things on want to work on for myself besides my weight. I want to become more comfortable in public places. It would be nice if I could go to the gym on my own without my husband. Right now, it’s too anxiety provoking for me to go on my own. I still have anxiety when I’m there with my husband, but it has been getting better each time. Maybe, one day I could go on my own. Maybe I could go with him but not need him to be with me every second. Those are my goals for myself for now.