Headed Home To Arizona

My husband and I are on our way back home to Phoenix. We’re in Philadelphia on our 3 hour layover. I don’t really want to go back to Phoenix. I never have enough time in Connecticut with my family no matter how long I’m there for. Maybe I should stay for two weeks the next time I go. I would like to stay long enough that I actually want to go back to Phoenix.

The party for my mom’s birthday went wonderfully. Everyone was thanking me for putting it all together, but I couldn’t have done it without everyone else. It was a potluck, so the majority of the food came from the guests. The only thing I made was quiche and I ordered an edible arrangement (which was definitely a big hit). I liked organizing the party because I always had something to do. I didn’t have to worry about conversations with other people since I was always moving.

I had a few great visits with my grandmother. She’s 91 years old and is doing very well. I love the fact that I can speak openly with her. She does her best to understand my limitations. It’s nice that she things of my husband as well. Sometimes our conversations are weird and don’t make sense, but when they are fantastic when they do.

I got to visit with my brother and his wife. I always enjoy talking to him. Our relationship has improved over the years. I also visited with my sister and her husband. That went well. She and I both work at our relationship; it’s a tense relationship, but it’s there. We will be okay as long as we keep working at it. Her kids are growing up so quickly. I love seeing them any chance I get. I spent some time with my aunt, who I get along with very well and enjoy talking to.

There was a lot more that we did over the past week. We got a Christmas tree, decorated a bit, visited with some friends, helped my aunt out with her party, finished a jigsaw puzzle (I love doing those), and wrapped a bunch of Christmas presents. I went through a lot of Valium, much more than I normally do, but still not as much as I’m prescribed. Since I didn’t have the time to post every day like I normally do, I guess that’s a basic overview of the past week. I missed posting every day and I’m excited to get back to my regular schedule.

I Leave Tonight!

I had so much to do today before the SuperShuttle picks up me and my husband at 9:30pm. I had a doctor’s appointment, prescriptions to fill at two different pharmacies, several errands to run, and I still had to finish packing. Luckily, my husband offered to help out and take care of the car insurance renewal. Vacation is just around the corner! I’m so excited!

I slept about 7 hours last night and I’m very happy about that. I won’t get much sleep tonight on a red eye flight. I’m hoping to be able to take a nap before we leave. Hopefully, the airport won’t be too busy when we get there. I figured that I’ll need one Valium while traveling, but I don’t want to take any more that that. I don’t like having to take it on a regular basis. However, since life has been so busy lately, I have had to take more than I normally do.

My anxiety keeps increasing. The more I get done and get closer I get to completing all the packing, the more my anxiety rises. That’s weird. I think it should be the other way around; I should feel more relaxed with the more complete. It’s probably more excitement than anxiety; I can’t wait to be with my family.

Another Successful Get-Together Thanks To Valium

I made it through another family get-together. There were only a total of 10 people, but I only knew 2 of these people. This was a long overdue family reunion. I took a Valium on my way over there, and it kicked in just in time. I automatically introduced myself to people when I arrived, which is something I would never normally do; thank you Valium. I offered to help out in the kitchen, and I ended up doing a lot. I was even hugging people when I said goodbye at the end of the night. It’s amazing what 10mg of Valium will do.

A Successful Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving ended up going pretty well. There were 17 people there, which is less than I was expecting. I knew all but 6 people, and I only took one Valium. I stayed close to the people I knew. At one point, one of my cousins asked how I handle large groups of people because he could see that I was anxious. I told him some of my tricks, like sitting in a corner or staying close to my husband. After dinner, several of us sat around the fire pit. I sat next to one family member who I’m very comfortable with and had a great conversation. That was the only part of the day that felt natural and easy.

The important part to remember is that I made it through the day. In the beginning, I wasn’t so sure if I was going to make it, but I did. Staying close to those I’m comfortable with really made the day possible.

How Much Can I Handle

My days seem to be getting busier. Once I get moving, I don’t stop until about 2 hours before bed. I honestly feel like I have too much going on; I’m going to burn out soon. I think this is why I’m having anxiety attacks every day; it may not be the whole reason, but it’s definitely one of the reasons.

I’m trying to prepare myself for Thanksgiving, but I don’t know if that’s possible. I don’t exactly know what I’m going to be walking into. There will be so many people there that I don’t know, and I’m extremely uncomfortable with that. I will know about 10 or 15 of the people there, the rest will be strangers to me. I can offer to help out in the kitchen, which can help reduce my anxiety, as long as there aren’t too many people in the kitchen already.

Valium will also help. Lately, I wish I could take Valium all day, every day. I won’t; I know it’s not safe, especially for me. I just need to get through the next couple weeks. I have to get through Thanksgiving, the family reunion, packing and traveling to Connecticut, a party in Connecticut, a friend’s party after I get back home, and then of course there is Christmas and New Years. After writing all of this out, it feels like there’s more to stress out about than I can handle.

Family Gatherings

Not only is Thanksgiving just around the corner, but we’re also having a family reunion next Sunday with my father-in-law’s side of the family. My husband is helping me prepare for Thanksgiving. I now know whose house it will be at and when we have to be there. I also know that there are going to be some people I don’t know, but I will just stick by the people that I know.

There are also going to be a lot of people at the family reunion that I haven’t met. I’m nervous about it, but also excited. I’ve heard stories about these people, but never met most of them. As long as I have my husband by my side, I should be okay. The Valium will also help. It’s a lot to deal with in such a small amount of time, but I think I’ll be able to manage.

Then shortly after that, my husband and I fly to Connecticut to spend a week with my family. I’m not anxious or worried about being with my family. Actually, I’m excited to spend time with family. The only thing I worry about is the traveling; I’ve done it before, I can do it again.

Adult Coloring Books

Earlier this year, my mom gave me the coolest gift, an adult coloring book. She thought it would help with my anxiety, and she was right. She knows how perfect I like everything to look and she thought that this would be the perfect way for me to do that. Coloring allows me focus on one thing and gives my mind a break. I love it! I haven’t been able to color in a several months due to an injured arm/wrist, but I can do it again.

When I’m coloring, I lose track of time. Nothing else seems to matter. The only thing that I’m thinking of and concentrating on is the coloring. I plan on doing more coloring. It works just as good as Valium. When I’m home and having an anxiety attack, I will color. I will only use Valium when I’m not home and not able to color.

Coping with Anxiety

Since I’ve been having an increase in the amount of anxiety attacks I’ve been having, I figured I would write about my coping skills and how I get through each episode. My anxiety toolbox includes:

Cleaning/organizing my house
Count my breathing
Calling/texting an understanding friend/family member
Coloring in an adult coloring book
Listen to comedy that makes you laugh
Listen to calming music, possibly from your childhood
Taking Valium as prescribed
Workout

These techniques are the main tools that I use when I’m having an anxiety attack. I do my best to take care of the anxiety without taking Valium, but I do take it if necessary. Many of the anxiety solutions are just a distraction from the reason for your anxiety attack. These distractions simply give your mind a break so you can calm down. Most of the time, all I need is a moment and a little bit of help to calm down.

Another Coyotes Hockey Game

I went to another Coyotes game last night with my husband. We actually left early. He was in so much pain and we forgot to bring him medicine. I told him it wouldn’t be smart to stay and suffer through the next two periods. Also, I was having problems with claustrophobia. The person sitting next to me was so close, it felt like he was rubbing up against me. I took some Valium, but that was only keeping me from jumping off the ledge, it wasn’t helping me feel better like it normally does.

Normally, my husband wouldn’t leave anything early. I’m glad I convinced him that it was the best solution. We listed to the rest of the game on the radio and it was fantastic. It was a nice evening we had together.

Trick-Or-Treating with my Granddaughter

I did more than I thought I would do last night. My plans were just to go to my mother-in-law’s house and see the kids in their costumes. However, I saw them in their costumes and then walked around a couple of blocks with them as they went trick-or-treating. It was so adorable to see the kids enjoying themselves. Once there got to be more people and more lights, I decided that I had enough. I said my goodbyes to everyone and walked back to my car.

On my drive home, I drove by the church that the kids were headed to, and it was packed. There were probably about 500-800 people there. I’m very happy that I left when I did. I was already having anxiety before seeing that large group of people, and I had already taken Valium.

It’s important for me to go outside my comfort zone and try new and/or different things, especially when they are family events. Lately, I’m having to take Valium to do most things out of the house, whether they’re family or not. I think that when I make commitments, they should be small ones. Then, if I’m feeling up to it, I can do more than I agreed to do, but if I’m not feeling okay, I can just do the small part I committed to and be comfortable when I’m ready to leave.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Category: Valium