Too Much At Once

I just got back from the vet with good news; they did not need to redo the stitch that Cash pulled out last night. The vet said that the incision site looked good. And even better than that, it didn’t cost anything.

I’m back home now and have a million things to do. I’m having problems getting my Clozapine prescription filled. The pharmacy keeps saying they don’t have my blood work, even when I called the lab and had them fax it over again. I’m going to wait a couple of hours and then try calling the pharmacy again. It’s extremely frustrating.

I also have more tax stuff to do today. It’s the last thing I want to do, but I’m hoping that it will be easier if I do just a little bit at a time.

I feel like I’m being pulled in many different directions. How do I handle all of this? There’s too much going on right now. I need a vacation from myself. I’m just going to do a little bit at a time until everything is done. I wonder when that will be.

He Ripped Out A Stitch

Today has been a productive and frustrating day. I worked on my taxes by starting to figure out some of my deductions such as medical expenses (which is a lot), I did all of the laundry including the bed sheets, I went grocery shopping, and I took and shower and washed my hair (which has been difficult during this depression).

While I was at the grocery store, the dog ripped out and ate one of his stitches. I was only gone for 40 minutes, and he had his e-collar on. I have no clue how he reached his back leg. The incision had only one stitch, it was a small incision. I cleaned it with hydrogen peroxide and wrapped it in gauze and vet wrap. I’ll call the vet tomorrow and see what they want me to do. I’m so frustrated. I’ve taken Cash to the vet more times in the past week than I have in the past couple of years.

Feeling The Depression, Mentally and Physically

Today my depression is extremely bad. Moving at all, even just to get up and go to the bathroom, is more than difficult. My body hurts, my mind is sad, and I don’t believe that anything can help me, at least not today. I’m still waiting for ECT to call me to schedule my first session back with them. Waiting is so hard. ECT feels like my last hope, and it’s hard to have hope and wait at the same time. Hopefully, today will go by a little quicker than it has been.

I’ve been so busy for the past six days taking care of and worrying about my dog. Now that he’s improving, I no longer have to worry so much. He doesn’t require my full attention all of the time, and that allows the depression to get worse. My husband asked what I’m depressed about and I tried to explain that there’s no reason, it’s just a part of the bipolar disorder that I have. He didn’t quite explain, but he tries and I couldn’t ask for anything more than that.

Finally Improving

Cash is doing better now. We brought him to the vet yesterday and had one of the techs show us how to properly bandage him. It really made a huge difference. I’ve been pretty stressed out over everything that has been happening with Cash. I’ve had him since he was 6 months old and now he’s 11 years old. I worry a lot. But I can tell that he’s finally feeling a little better because he picked up and chewed on his bone/toy for a bit. This is the first time he’s done that since his surgery last Thursday.

I got a lot of stuff done today including a therapy appointment, blood work, and grocery shopping. My husband stayed home with the dog while I was out. I don’t want to leave the dog alone, just in case he starts bleeding again. We went to play cards at my mother-in-law’s house yesterday and we brought Cash with us because we didn’t want to leave him at home by himself. I’m really glad we brought him because he bled through his bandages twice in just a few hours. Things are finally starting to look up.

Emergency Vet Visit

I tried not to go to the emergency vet visit, but I ended up having no choice. When I went to go check on Cash, there was another puddle of blood in his bed. This time, I was having a hard time controlling the bleeding. I did my best to wrap him up and bring him to the emergency vet. Of course, by the time we got there the bleeding had stopped. However, according to the vet, the bleeding would have started again the next time he went to lay down. Because this incision was on his chest/belly, gravity was causing fluid to fill where the lump used to be and it would keep bleeding because there was too much pressure. Luckily he didn’t need to have a drain put in. He’s now on antibiotics and has the most adorable bandage that makes him look like a superhero dog. I will have to change his bandages tonight and probably once or twice a day after that for a while. I’ll call my regular vet’s office tomorrow and let them know what happened. I’m so glad he’s okay. I freaked out when I was trying to gather everything to get him to the vet. Good thing my husband stays calm.

Cash Is Having A Problem Recovering

I woke up this morning to a puddle of blood in Cash’s dog bed. It freaked me out, but at least the blood is dry. I found the incision where it’s coming from and it appears to have stopped or at least slowed down to almost nothing. Of course this happens on a Sunday when my vet’s office is closed. They do have an emergency office I could bring him to if necessary, but I think he’s okay for now since the bleeding stopped. He doesn’t seem to be in any pain right now. I’ll call my vet’s office tomorrow and let them know what happened and see what they want to do about it.

Flower Food

The flowers my husband gave me 9 days ago are still beautiful. I use a do-it-yourself flower food and I also cut the stems of the flowers about 0.5 to 1 inch every few days (depending on how long the stems are). For the flower food, I use:

a few pinches of sugar
a couple squeezes of lemon juice
a small splash of bleach
luke warm water

I trim off any dead or dying leaves when I see them and I replace the water and flower food every few days when I trim the stems. I just thought I would share this with you because it has made my flowers last twice as long.

Check out the following website, which is where I got the flower food recipe from. The recipe I use is a little different (I only changed it because my vase didn’t have enough room for the suggested recipe).

Kitchn: How To Keep Cut Flowers Longer

Tax Time Is Coming

Life is starting to get back to normal, now that Cash is starting to feel better. I’m exhausted from all of my extra anxiety and worrying over the last few days. I’m trying to do a few things that I’ve been putting off for a while. The biggest thing is gathering all of my information for taxes. Tax time is pretty overwhelming, especially since I know I’m going to owe money this year. I’m trying to gather my tax documents a little bit at a time in order to reduce the stress.

Cash’s Update

The vet’s office called and told me to stop by and pick up some pain medication for him, which I did immediately. My husband also mentioned inflatable e-collars, which I did not know they have. The regular plastic e-collars are so difficult for both humans and dogs. The inflatable ones are awesome!

Cash can now lay down and get somewhat comfortable. The pain meds are helping, but I know he’s still sore. I’m starting to feel a little better. I’ve been so anxious, worried, overwhelmed, and afraid for the past couple of days. All of that is finally starting to subside so I can be anxious and overwhelmed about my everyday life again.

Waiting For The Vet

Last night, I couldn’t get Cash to lay down. I could tell it was painful for him. Eventually, he laid down because he fell asleep and fell over. I’m waiting for the vet to return my phone call. Cash shouldn’t be this uncomfortable.

I slept out on the couch so I could be close to him in case he needed anything. Other than not being able to lay down, he’s doing great. Hopefully, the vet will give him some pain meds.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Month: February 2017