“You create your opportunities by asking for them.” – Patty Hansen
Standing up for yourself is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Taking initiative is what provides possibilities in our lives. I have a hard time asking for anything, especially for help, but it is something that I’m working on.
I find myself isolating more and more. I feel the depression getting worse as each day goes by. I have no desire to talk to people, and when I do talk to people, it’s difficult. Writing is also difficult. I guess I just don’t have anything I think is worth sharing with others. That is not normal for me; that’s the depression. Usually, I’m a very talkative person, but now. Right now, I would prefer to stay home and do nothing, but that’s not always possible. I do the best I can when I’m out in public and when I’m talking to others, but it’s getting harder as each day passes.
My husband came home last night with a bouquet of flowers for me. He said he got them just because I wasn’t feeling well and he wanted to help me feel better. It definitely brought a huge smile to my face. My husband does this from time to time; when he thinks I need some cheering up or sometimes just because. I’m very lucky to have so much support. He’s always trying to look out for me.
In fact, my entire family supports me. This afternoon I received a card in the mail from my aunt. It was just to let me know that she supports me and loves me. It was the perfect card. It’s a good feeling knowing that my family supports me unconditionally. It helps with the depression.
I got my physical done over a week ago. Now, I’m just waiting for a call from the ECT unit. My psychiatrist told me they would call me to schedule me for ECT, but I have no clue when this will happen. I hate the waiting game. If they haven’t called me by Monday, then maybe I’ll call my psychiatrist to make sure the results of my physical are okay. Until then, all I can do is wait. I know that I will be doing ECT twice a week, Mondays and Fridays. I know that I want to start on a Monday so my husband can be there with me.
Every time I think I’m feeling better, I come to realize that I’m still sick. I felt better yesterday, only to wake up this morning with more symptoms of a cold, but at least I’m not coughing today. It’s been almost two weeks of being sick; it won’t go away no matter what I take.
I’ve had several opportunities for things to do today, but I decided not to do any of them. I passed up meeting some friends for coffee, playing cards with family, and going to the Coyotes game with my husband. It was probably the smart decision not to do any of these things. I’m hoping that staying at home and relaxing will help me feel better quicker.
I want to thank Elizabeth Fredrickson Health Coaching for nominating me for this award!! I really appreciate it!If you haven’t already checked out her blog, please do so. It has fantastic information about health and fitness.
I was talking with my aunt about how I was struggling with my bipolar depression episode. I was feeling lost and didn’t know what to do, and my aunt always has great suggestions. We talked about all sorts of things that were going on in both of our lives. She suggested that I start a blog and write about what I was going through. She even came up with the name, My Side Of The Pole, which we both liked. She explained that I didn’t even have to publish it if I didn’t want to. I looked into starting a blog for the next few weeks, but I did nothing except research. Finally, one day in March 2016, I started my blog. It’s been a fantastic outlet and resource for me.
My advice to new bloggers would be…
Here are the 15 bloggers that I have nominated:
Everything we well yesterday with my father-in-law’s surgery. We were at the hospital for 10 hours, but the time went by fast. We kept each other company while we waited to hear how the surgery went and then while we waited to go back and see him. At one point, some woman came and sat next to us (we were sitting in a corner of the waiting room by ourselves). It got pretty uncomfortable then, especially since she inserted herself into our conversation. However, I think she was just trying to pass the time while she waited for her husband. There were four of us waiting for my father-in-law, and she was all alone. He gets to go home today if all goes well. We won’t know how successful it was for at least a couple of weeks.
I fell asleep early on the couch since it had been a long day. I woke up at 2am coughing, so I stayed on the couch. I didn’t want to go to bed and wake my husband up with my coughing. I thought I might be able to fall back asleep, but that didn’t work out very well. I’m not sure if we’re going back to the hospital today or not. Maybe I’ll stop by before my doctor’s appointment.
I woke up early today so I could go to the hospital to support my father-in-law as he has surgery. I’m also here to support the rest of the family while we wait for the surgery to be over. I’m not used to being on this side of things. I’m normally the patient having surgery. I’m sure that everything will go well. Now, it’s just a waiting game. I’m happy to be here to support my family. They are always here to support me.
There are a few activities that I do that help to keep my brain occupied. I use adult coloring books and a wide variety of puzzles including Sudoku and word searches. However, my favorite puzzles are jigsaw puzzles. I find that my racing thoughts slow down a little bit while working on jigsaw puzzles. My negative thoughts don’t disappear, but they seem more manageable. I don’t have to deal with my overwhelming negative thoughts every second. I let myself get lost in the puzzle. It doesn’t work every time, but it does help most of the times. I can even do jigsaw puzzles on my laptop or my phone. It’s probably the best solution I’ve found in a very long time.
I had to see my PCP this afternoon to get a physical so I can restart ECT. This is the same doctor that was very disrespectful at my last visit about my weight. I’ve lost a little bit of weight since I’ve last seen her. I was hoping she would say something, but she didn’t. Oh well. However, she did ask me if I was depressed. Are you kidding me!? If she looked at my chart she would notice that I’m diagnosed with bipolar mixed, plus I was seeing her so I could get approved to restart ECT. People don’t do ECT for the fun of it. So I answered her question and said, “Yes, I struggle with depression.” Then she asked me if it was bad or if it was mild. I didn’t even answer that question. She sees that I take 9 psych meds. It’s like she didn’t even look at my chart!
I’m pretty unhappy with my PCP, but I don’t think I’m going to change doctors. It’s easier for me to stay with my current PCP and be unhappy than it is for me to go to a new doctor. I don’t like anything new, it terrifies me. Maybe I will change at some point, but for now I’m going to stay where I am.
My Side of the Pole 