Coping with Anxiety

Since I’ve been having an increase in the amount of anxiety attacks I’ve been having, I figured I would write about my coping skills and how I get through each episode. My anxiety toolbox includes:

Cleaning/organizing my house
Count my breathing
Calling/texting an understanding friend/family member
Coloring in an adult coloring book
Listen to comedy that makes you laugh
Listen to calming music, possibly from your childhood
Taking Valium as prescribed
Workout

These techniques are the main tools that I use when I’m having an anxiety attack. I do my best to take care of the anxiety without taking Valium, but I do take it if necessary. Many of the anxiety solutions are just a distraction from the reason for your anxiety attack. These distractions simply give your mind a break so you can calm down. Most of the time, all I need is a moment and a little bit of help to calm down.

Wedding Anniversary

Yesterday was the 3 year wedding anniversary for my husband and myself. He took the day off of work. He brought me beautiful flowers a couple days ago. We did a little shopping, played some card games, and went to the Improv to see Christopher Titus. It was a great day!

This past year has been a difficult one, and I wouldn’t have been able to make it through without him. He said the same thing to me. He also said that since we got through such difficult things in the past couple years, the rest of life should be a breeze. He always knows the right thing to say to make me smile. I look forward to many more years together.

Mystery Blogger Award

Thank you so much to Aunt Tabbi from Wallflower or Butterfly for nominating me for the Mystery Blogger Award. Please check out her blog, it’s great.

What is a Mystery Blogger Award?

“Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve any recognition they get. The award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion.

-Okoto Enigma

The Creator of this amazing award: Okoto Enigma, check out their blog here.

Rules:

Put the award logo/image on your blog.
List the rules.
Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog!
Mention the creator of the award and provide a link to their blog as well.
Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.
You have to nominate 10-20 people.
Notify each of your nominees by commenting on their blog.
Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; with one weird or funny question (specify).
Share your link to your best post(s).

The things about myself:

I grew up riding horses.
I left high school and went to college when I was 16.
I can’t stand it when my house is dirty; I actually enjoy cleaning.

I nominate the following bloggers:

The Manic Years
Decoding Bipolar
Mixed Emotions
The Bipolar Architect
CrazySoberGirl
BlackGirlDown
2 Angels and a Black Dog
Discoveringsooz
Therapy Bits
Anonymously Autistic

My Answers:

What’s your best part about your personality?
I pay attention to people and what they say, which makes me an excellent gift giver for birthdays and holidays.
What’s one thing you would change in the world to make it better?
The first thing that comes to mind is that I would make sure everyone has access to affordable and quality health care.
If you could have 3 wishes, what would they be and why?
1. My family would live closer to me, I miss them all the time.
2.I would have horses again, that always brought me so much joy.
3. I wish my dad got to see me sober before he died. That’s always been my biggest regret.
What’s the last blog post (before this one) that you read? Post the link.
The last post I read was Speak Louder by The Manic Years
If you could paint someone else’s nails, who would it be and what color would you pick?
I would do either of my niece’s nails in whichever color they want. It would just be nice spending time with them.

My Questions for My Nominees:

1. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and who would you go with?
2. What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you actually do that?
3. What’s your greatest achievement?
4. Who is your personal hero?
5. What motivates you?

The rules ask to post links to your best posts. I think that this one post, Dual Diagnosis, is my best most recent post.

Can’t Sleep In My Bed

Every night, I go to bed just a few minutes after my husband. He’s still awake when I come to bed. We have an adjustable, so he puts it so our feet and head are both up a little. We watch TV for a little and I try to fall asleep. It’s not that I’m not tired, I just can’t get comfortable, I think because of the position the bed was in. My husband gets comfortable, and that’s what matters to me.

If I wanted to, I could just go to the guest bedroom, which is empty. However, if I was in the guest bedroom, I wouldn’t have anything as background noise. When I’m in our bedroom or on the couch, I have the TV turned on so I have something to listen to as I fall asleep. I need background noise to drown out my own mind.

Even though I’m having problems sleeping lately, I still go to bed with my husband every night and try falling asleep. I don’t want to give up, so I do my best to fall asleep in my own bed and stay there. It will happen one day.

Dual Diagnosis

Dual diagnosis is something that affects so many people. Dual diagnosis refers to a person that has a drug and/or alcohol addiction that also has a mood disorder, such as bipolar disorder, depression, and more. I am a recovering drug and alcohol addict. In 2004 I got help; I went to a year-long treatment center that treated both my addiction and my bipolar disorder, and it completely turned my life around. I am now 12 years sober and proud of it. I’m not sure if I’m still considered dual diagnosis since I’ve been sober. I know the addiction never goes away.

Mental health disorders often lead to individuals abusing drugs and/or alcohol. It’s considered self-medicating. Someone may use drugs and/or alcohol to help make themselves feel better, which it may for a very short period of time. However, the euphoria only lasts a short while before the horrible despair sets in. I did this to myself for years before getting help. The causes of my PTSD are from the times that I was actively in my addiction.

Juicing Difficulties

I’m having a hard time staying on my Juicing diet. I just keep slipping up, but I don’t give in. I just wish it was easier, or I wish there was no other food in my house that I wanted to eat. I really want to follow the juicing plan, but I’m extremely stressed out lately. Since I don’t drink alcohol or do drugs, I go straight to food to make me feel better. Food does not work to make me feel better. I have always had problems with food, once I start eating, I can’t stop. I need to find a healthy way to work through any emotional distress. I wonder what that will be.

My Wonderful Husband

My husband brought home 3 beautiful roses for me, one for each year of marriage. Our anniversary isn’t until the third, I suppose he’s just getting a head start. As of tomorrow, we will be married 3 years. We were also engaged a little over a year, and we were dating for about a year and a half before that. Before all of that, we were best friends for about 5 years. He always said we would end up together. I insisted that wasn’t so, but now look at us, we’re happily married.

We’ve had a lot of difficult times thrown at us this past year. Between my mental health and my husband’s excruciating back pain, it’s been more than hard, but we made it through together, we support each other. I am hoping for some easier times in the future.

Another Coyotes Hockey Game

I went to another Coyotes game last night with my husband. We actually left early. He was in so much pain and we forgot to bring him medicine. I told him it wouldn’t be smart to stay and suffer through the next two periods. Also, I was having problems with claustrophobia. The person sitting next to me was so close, it felt like he was rubbing up against me. I took some Valium, but that was only keeping me from jumping off the ledge, it wasn’t helping me feel better like it normally does.

Normally, my husband wouldn’t leave anything early. I’m glad I convinced him that it was the best solution. We listed to the rest of the game on the radio and it was fantastic. It was a nice evening we had together.

My Wandering Mind

My mind wanders all the time; it’s like a circus wheel. It keeps going over and over again without any rest. Normally, all of my thinking results in a lot of talking, but not so much lately. I still have a million thoughts in my head, but I can’t seem to put those thoughts into words. I also struggle to put my thoughts into written words for my blog. I even go into therapy sessions and I have nothing to talk about. I have no clue what is going on with my mind, this is not normal for me.

My inability to put thoughts into words started around the same time that my anxiety attacks increased. All of it began approximately about a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t realize either of these issues were happening until this past week. Maybe they’re connected, maybe not. My mind is still running all the time, it’s just running in all different directions instead of running one way like a circus wheel.

Managing My Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is hard to maintain, whether you have any mental health disorders or not. I can’t say how it is for those that don’t, but for me, a woman with bipolar 1 and PTSD, it is really hard to keep up my self-esteem. I tend to blame myself for anything that goes wrong or even slightly incorrect. On top of the every day reasons for my low self-esteem, I even blame myself for my mental health disorders.

Self-esteem is described as respect and confidence in your own abilities. I don’t feel as if I have any good abilities, never mind having any confidence in them. I tell myself to think more of myself and to believe in myself, but it’s easier said than done. I know my family would say something different. It’s easier to see things in other people than it is to see things in yourself.

I’m such a perfectionist, so when I don’t do something perfect, I get down on myself. For example, when I graduated college, I had a 3.94 GPA. All I could think, and still think, is that it’s not a 4.0. I should have had a 4.0. I know that these emotions are unreasonable, but most emotions with bipolar disorder are unreasonable.

I do the best that I can, I have positive influences in my life, and I am appreciative for others (such as my friends and family), but it still doesn’t help me to feel better about myself. I need to find an emotional purpose.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Category: Bipolar