Just like everything else in my life, things only work for me if I do it on a regular basis. I need patterns to get things done. For example, I get up and do the same activities every morning. I run errands around the same time every day. I keep my doctor appointments around the same time. The same is true for working out.
I started a workout routine last week. I workout at least 3 days a week. Eventually, I want to get to 5 days a week. I try to start my workout, usually Zumba videos, shortly after my husband goes to work. I also go to the gym once or twice a week with my husband. I have to make sure that this becomes a regular activity, otherwise the workouts will not stick. I have to find some way to workout while I’m traveling. Even if it’s as simple as taking a walk.
I’ve been working out on a regular basis. I either do Zumba at home or I workout at the gym with my husband. Sometimes, like yesterday, I do both. It feels good to be able to push myself through these workouts; however, it would be nice if I was able to lose some weight. It doesn’t matter how much I workout or what I eat, my weight either stays the same or I gain weight. It’s extremely frustrating. I was going to give up, but my husbad reminded me that working out is not just about losing weight. It’s also about being healthy.
I know that the Clozapine is a big factor in the weight gain. It’s also what is making it almost impossible for me to lose weight. I really want to go off of if because of that; however, I made a committment to increase my dose until I get to 400mg. I want to keep my committment, but I also need to stay healthy. It’s very possible that once I stop increasing my dose, my body will get used to the Clozapine and the side effect of weight gain could go away.
I really want to try to wait this out. I want to have hope that the weight gain will stop. I want to hope that my working out will help me lose weight. Right now, I’m just trying to stay hopeful, which is extremely difficult.
Today was a good workout at the gym with my husband. I’m doing the best I can to be okay during my workouts. I may feel like I’m freaking out, but I’m trying to remain calm. I don’t want to feed into my fears. I’m working on using the mirrors in the gym to my advantage. I’m using them to help me see things that are going on around and behind me. We are generally able to go to the gym when it’s slow, which is usually when most people are at work. That is a huge help to my anxiety.
I’m finally feeling better after being awake for two days. Yesterday, I was still feeling kind of messed up. It’s weird what happens to your body when you’re awake for 42 hours straight. Hopefully I won’t have any more problems sleeping. I think that the whole issue was caused by anxiety; probably from my dose increase and from stopping ECT. At least I’m feeling well enough to do my regular routine.
I’m trying to be grateful for what I do have and think positive about everything. This is easier said than done, but all that matters is that I keep trying. Just keep calm and carry on (as much as possible).
I have been gaining weight over the last six months. It has become especially bad in just the last few months. I’ve gained about a total of 40 pounds. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I just keep gaining weight. I’m doing my best to control it, but I seem to be wildly hungry almost all of the time. There are even times that I’m full, but I still want to eat for some reason. I also tend to have difficulties sleeping. I’m hungry every time I wake up, which happens at least two times a night, sometimes as often as four times a night. I have a feeling that it is a medication issue, but I have to be very careful about my medication changes.
I’m working out with my husband at the gym. I’m also buying healthier foods to keep in the house. That way even if I do snack more often than I should, at least I’m eating healthier. Over the years, I have had several periods where I gained a large amount of weight. The weight gain is always difficult to handle, but every time I eventually lose the weight and get back to my normal size. I know that I will be able to lose the weight eventually, but it’s hard to live with the weight gain. Luckily, I’m blessed with a husband that doesn’t care about my size. He supports me no matter what; he is always willing to help me once I’m ready to get back in shape. Working out together is a fun activity for the two of us. It’s something we used to do together five days a week before we even started dating.
I wish I didn’t have to go up and down with my weight to such extremes. I know that it is part of the bipolar disorder and the medications that go along with it, but it’s very difficult to deal with. Depression can increase the weight gain, and the weight gain can worsen the depression. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m looking forward to the end of this brutal period. I know I can lose the weight and feel better about myself again, I just don’t know how long it will be until that happens.
I’m so proud of myself today. My husband has been talking about going to the gym for a little while now, and he has been wanting me to go with him. Before we started dating, we used to go to the gym together 5 days a week. We were workout partners and we had a lot of fun working out together. Our workouts were what used to get me through my days at work. I always had something to look forward to. So we signed up at a gym so we could get back in shape together. Even though we have a workout room in our house, it’s different. Working out at a gym has a different atmosphere, making it easier and more encouraging to complete a workout than to do so in our own house.
I was scared to go to the gym because it’s something new, and I don’t do new things very well. I told my husband that I could do it as long as he doesn’t leave me alone. He makes me feel safe. Today, we worked out together and he didn’t leave me once. He knows exactly how to work out to get what we want because he used to be a personal trainer. We’re starting out slow, so we don’t overdo anything and then end up not going back. Our plan for now is to work out 5 days a week, like we used to do. We’re doing full body workouts. I’m so proud of myself for doing this. I think this will also help our relationship because it gives us something new to do together. He even told me, before he left for work, how much he enjoyed today.