This is the first time I’ve written in over 5 weeks. My depression is continuing to control my life. I’m at the point in my depression where I don’t care about much of anything. I could stare at the wall most of the day and not care. My family has been extremely supportive and caring. Honestly, I wouldn’t have gotten through the past many weeks, as well as other times, without them. My mom, aunt, and husband have been wonderful and are always there for me to lean on.
I saw my psychiatrist today and we agreed to taper off a couple of my medications. That was my goal for that appointment. However, no matter how good the changes could be, they also bring up the unknown, which is scary. I’m nervous as to what the med changes could do to me. I know that mania is a possible side effect, but I’m willing to try going off of meds to make sure that I’m not on anything unnecessary.
I’m going to do my best to keep blogging on a regular basis. I know that it’s a great way for me to express myself, plus I always feel good afterwards. I also find other people’s blogs useful.
My Side of the Pole 
i feel for you. you don’t have to be told that depression is a cruel partner. i get the whole staring at the wall thing. i fall into that trap when things are seemingly doing well. mean, mean depression.
i’m glad you have a supportive family. i say support doesn’t fix the problem, but it sure makes the trip a who.e lot easier.
again, you don’t have to be told that meds are a tricky beast. i had a friend and we seemed to rub ourselves to a friction related fire every 2 weeks. because of one of those fires, we ended up taking a break for each other. i don’t know exactly what is was but they went through a med change. through the course of life, we reconnected. they are a whole new person. the contention that happened every two weeks is gone. they also have became one of the most loving and caring people i know. i am honored to call them friend. i hope you med changes can bring you such radical and positive change.
know that i judge you not if you can’t blog on a regular basis. i’ve had breaks of 5 months and another of a 18 months! my advice, do what is healthy for you; do what you can. if blogging is truly an aid it will happen naturally.
in closing, know that i miss your story. recently, i’ve dropped out of even reading blogs. every once in a while, i’d read blogs of people i could really relate too. i kept feeling like i was missing your posts and i felt a little more empty because of it. do not take offense if i say i’m glad i didn’t miss your post. i look forward to reading what you can write because i relate to your story.
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Support can’t get us through the problems, but they’re definitely helpful. I appreciate your kind words, and I understand what you mean when you say that you are glad you didn’t miss my posts. That’s a wonderful compliment. I look forward to reading your blogs as well; it often feels like talking and listening to friends.
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I am sorry that you are going through a sucky time. All I can wish for you is that you find and get to the light at the end of the tunnel and that it doesn’t feel like train that was on the tracks but that it feels like sunlight. I understand the fear associated with any med change, on or off or just a dose change – they can all cause a shift. Sometimes ( not saying this is true for you) different is better. It may not be exactly where you want to be, but it isn’t where you are and that helps. So maybe these changes will make a difference. I hope so.
I also have missed your posts. Write when it works for you. Blessings and wishing you peace.
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I hope that different is better for me this time. I suppose that it’s the fear of the unknown with my med changes. However, I do know the signs to look out for in case I slip into a deeper depression or possibly even mania. Knowing what to look out for does make it easier. Thanks for your support and compliments. It’s nice knowing that people actually like to read what I write.
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