For more than a week now, I have had allergies off and on that are extremely annoying. I don’t remember having allergies when I was growing up, but then again, I don’t remember much of anything anymore. My symptoms tend to come and go. I’ve been really tired too. I took a two hour nap this evening, and I’m still tired. The allergies on top of the depression is making life even more difficult. I worry about taking OTC allergy meds, I’m not sure if they will react with the meds I’m already on.
Speaking of medication, I have been tapering off of a couple of my meds. I’m already off the Inositol. I finish taking the Mirapex Monday night, and I finish taking the Donepezil Friday night. I’m hoping that I don’t have any bad reactions by coming off these meds.
This is the first time I’ve written in over 5 weeks. My depression is continuing to control my life. I’m at the point in my depression where I don’t care about much of anything. I could stare at the wall most of the day and not care. My family has been extremely supportive and caring. Honestly, I wouldn’t have gotten through the past many weeks, as well as other times, without them. My mom, aunt, and husband have been wonderful and are always there for me to lean on.
I saw my psychiatrist today and we agreed to taper off a couple of my medications. That was my goal for that appointment. However, no matter how good the changes could be, they also bring up the unknown, which is scary. I’m nervous as to what the med changes could do to me. I know that mania is a possible side effect, but I’m willing to try going off of meds to make sure that I’m not on anything unnecessary.
I’m going to do my best to keep blogging on a regular basis. I know that it’s a great way for me to express myself, plus I always feel good afterwards. I also find other people’s blogs useful.
I’ve only had two ECT treatments so far and my memory is already getting worse. I’m already forgetting where I put things, what movies I’ve seen, and other normal day-to-day things. Last night, I made a to-do list for all of the things I have to do today; however, I’m looking at my list and I don’t know what everything means. I wrote Cigna on my list, but I have no clue what I’m supposed to do with that. Neither me or my husband is insured by Cigna. I’m hoping that eventually it will come to me.
My psychiatrist started me on medication for Alzheimer’s. He prescribed two medications. One is Donepezil, which I will start tonight. The other prescription is not ready yet. I’m hoping that these new meds will help with my memory loss.
My psychiatrist emailed me to let me know that my blood work has improved, but it’s still not where he wants it to be. I take Cytomel, a thyroid medication, even though I don’t have a thyroid problem. There have been some studies in the past few years that show high doses of thyroid hormones can act as a mood stabilizer for bipolar depression patients. However, taking this medication has thrown off my thyroid level, so we’re working at finding the right dose that will help as a mood stabilizer and not mess up my thyroid levels. He is increasing my Cytomel and I will do more blood work in one month to see if it has helped. I always get nervous every time there is a medication change or dose increase/decrease.
It hasn’t even been a week since I went back on Mirapex, yet I think I see some improvements already. Instead of sleeping all day and night, I’m only taking about one nap a day. I’m also actually getting some things done. I’ve been able to run errands a lot easier than it has been. I’m tired, I don’t care much about anything, I cry randomly, and I’m feeling a lot of guilt and hopelessness. It’s still difficult, but I think I see some changes, I’m starting to be able to see things again in a good way.
The depression has made it hard for me to blog. I don’t have the energy to write, and when I do, I don’t really have much to say. I’m doing my best to keep my blog updated. I know that it’s helpful for me while I try to get through this depression.
I had a medication change two weeks ago. I went off my Mirapex, as directed by my doctor, because I stopped caring about things. I was numb, and had been for a while. I started to go deeper into a depression about a week ago. I started sleeping a lot, taking naps (which is very abnormal for me), having a hard time getting things done, forgetting a lot, and caring even less. I waiting to hear back from my psychiatrist as to what my next step is.
I’ve had a hard time getting things done this past week. My regular tasks seem to be more difficult that normal. Even just keeping my house organized is hard. I can’t figure out how to clean things up or where to put them. I let things slide for one day, and then it just piles up to the point where I’m overwhelmed and don’t know where to start.
A couple of days ago I was worried that I was on a downward spiral, but today I’m pretty sure that is not true. I think I’m still stuck, emotionless. Hopefully, that will be changing soon. I took my last dose of Mirapex today. I will check in with my psychiatrist next week after being off the Mirapex completely for one week.