Category: Medication

When Is It Enough?

When Is It Enough?

At this point, Clozapine is causing a few side effects such as weight gain, drooling (increased salivation), and dystonia. I have to figure out when enough is enough. There are medications that can help with these side effects, but I’m already taking enough meds. I’m currently on Lithium, Tegretol, Cytomel, Deplin, Mirapex, Clozapine, Inositol, Depo-Estradiol, and Depo-Testosterone regularly. I also take Zofran, Percocet, and Valium as needed. I’ll probably be adding Cogentin to this list after I talk to my doctor today about the dystonia.

How many more medications can I add to this list? Every medication has side effects, even the ones that I’m taking to fix side effects of other medicines. It’s a vicious cycle. I know I need to take something, I’m assuming Cogentin for the dystonia, because I can’t handle the pain and discomfort.

I’m trying to decide when enough is enough with a medication. I believe that the Clozapine is helping me; however, it is the cause of the three side effect weight gain, drooling, and dystonia. I just can’t figure out if I should stop the medication or not. I made a decision earlier that I would keep taking this medication through the next two months of dosage increases. I have been told that once I stop increasing the medication, my body may adjust to it and the side effects may lessen. It’s hard to make decisions like this. I’ve gone through a long list of meds that didn’t work. Now, I may have found a medication that actually helps, and it causes all sorts of other problems. I know that my other option is IV Ketamine, and I really don’t want to do that. I suppose I will put up with these side effects for as long as I can.

Another Side Effect of Medication

Another Side Effect of Medication

The side effect I’m experiencing is from taking Clozapine. It is a side effect I’ve experienced before from a different medication, Seroquel, so at least I know what’s going on; I’m not scared or nervous, I’m just frustrated. The side effect is called Dystonia. It is a movement disorder that can cause muscle cramping and can effect as small as one muscle group or as large as your entire body. I’m lucky because the dystonia only has an effect on my lower legs, specifically my ankles. At night, or whenever I get tired, the muscles in my ankles start cramping and causing pain. I used to take Cogentin to counteract this issue, but I stopped taking it when I went off the Seroquel because I didn’t think I needed it anymore.

This past week, I have been especially tired because I haven’t been sleeping that well. This past week is when I first started to notice the dystonia acting up again. When it first started, it was just annoying. As each day passes, it gets more and more uncomfortable until it gets too painful to deal with. Maybe it’s part of what is keeping me awake at night. It’s hard to sleep when you’re in pain and can’t sit still because of the cramping. Last night, I went through my medicine cabinet and found my old pill bottle of Cogentin from a few months back. I took 0.5mg last night, and I took a dose about 30 minutes ago. Tomorrow, I will email my psychiatrist and let him know what’s going on with this issue. I will also ask him if I can take 1mg because the 0.5mg does not seem to be working.

Sometimes, it seems as if some medications can cause more problems than they can help. Clozapine has many side effects, and I’m lucky enough to get several of those side effects (that’s sarcasm, just so you know). Although, I suppose I am pretty lucky. The dystonia could have an effect on my entire body, but luckily it is only a problem in my ankles. I try to remind myself that things could be worse. I try to remember to be grateful for what I have.

Clozapine Prescriptions

Clozapine Prescriptions

My psychiatrist mailed me two months worth of prescriptions. These scripts, for Clozapine, will get me from my 200mg dose up to my target 400mg dose. Each script is for one week worth of medications (because I still have to do the weekly blood work). He sent me everything that I would need to get through the next two months. The scripts are pre-dated, so I can’t fill them until Wednesday of each week.

I will be starting the increase soon, either Wednesday or Thursday of this week. I’m a little concerned about the possible side effects, but I mostly think it will all work out.I’m increasing my dose slowly to hopefully avoid side effects. I guess only time will tell.

I can still contact my psychiatrist any time I need, but hopefully everything with the dosage increase will go smoothly and I won’t have to. My next appointment with him is on August 25th. Until then, I can contact him via email or text if necessary. He will still get my weekly blood work results. If he sees a problem with my blood tests, then he will contact me.

Lessons I’ve Learned: Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness

Lessons I’ve Learned: Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness

Another one of the many lessons I’ve learned is that money doesn’t buy happiness. Having money may make life a bit easier. For example, if I had an unlimited amount of money, it would be no problem to pay all of the bills I received. I wouldn’t have anxiety attacks when receiving large bills. There wouldn’t be any stress when it came to figuring out how to pay every bill. Based on that information, money can make things less stressful, but that isn’t happiness. Money doesn’t last, but your emotional state is something that does last. I know that having more money wouldn’t make me happy.

Even though I don’t have that much money, it doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. It may mean that I’m stressed and overwhelmed. In fact, I don’t even think that money has anything to do with my current depression or any of my depressions. Depression is an internal feeling; it is something that goes on within me that I have no control over. For me, a part of happiness lies in the relationships I have with my family and friends and with my capabilities to do certain things. Personally, I would say that love and support from family and friends is a big aspect of happiness for many.

Talking about “happiness” is very difficult because of my depression. For those of us that sadly have to deal with depression, know that no one thing can fix it. Knowing that my family loves and supports me is nice, but it doesn’t change my emotional state. Most of the time, medication doesn’t even make a difference. However, when you find the right medication, it changes everything.

My Weight Gain Is Out Of Control

My Weight Gain Is Out Of Control

I have been gaining weight over the last six months. It has become especially bad in just the last few months. I’ve gained about a total of 40 pounds. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, I just keep gaining weight. I’m doing my best to control it, but I seem to be wildly hungry almost all of the time. There are even times that I’m full, but I still want to eat for some reason. I also tend to have difficulties sleeping. I’m hungry every time I wake up, which happens at least two times a night, sometimes as often as four times a night. I have a feeling that it is a medication issue, but I have to be very careful about my medication changes.

I’m working out with my husband at the gym. I’m also buying healthier foods to keep in the house. That way even if I do snack more often than I should, at least I’m eating healthier. Over the years, I have had several periods where I gained a large amount of weight. The weight gain is always difficult to handle, but every time I eventually lose the weight and get back to my normal size. I know that I will be able to lose the weight eventually, but it’s hard to live with the weight gain. Luckily, I’m blessed with a husband that doesn’t care about my size. He supports me no matter what; he is always willing to help me once I’m ready to get back in shape. Working out together is a fun activity for the two of us. It’s something we used to do together five days a week before we even started dating.

I wish I didn’t have to go up and down with my weight to such extremes. I know that it is part of the bipolar disorder and the medications that go along with it, but it’s very difficult to deal with. Depression can increase the weight gain, and the weight gain can worsen the depression. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m looking forward to the end of this brutal period. I know I can lose the weight and feel better about myself again, I just don’t know how long it will be until that happens.

Insomnia…

Insomnia…

I’ve probably mentioned before that I’m an insomniac. However, the Clozapine I take at night helps me fall asleep with 20 minutes, I just don’t stay asleep. I wake up at least twice every night. It would be nice to sleep through the night, but I don’t know if that will ever happen. My mind is always running extremely fast. It goes from one thought, to the next, and so on. I never catch a break; I never get a moment of peace from my own brain. This happens when I’m manic, depressed, and even when I’m not experiencing an episode.

There are many aspects in life that affect my ability to sleep. These aspects include keeping a routine, medications, my anxiety level, and my honesty. Keeping a routine is important, but it’s something that I’m not very good at. I almost never go to bed at the same time every night. I pretty much go to sleep whenever I feel like it, so that isn’t very helpful. Several of my medications, including Lithium and Tegretol XR, can cause insomnia in patients. I’m sure this worsens my ability to sleep. My anxiety level is high quite often. Even when it’s not high, I deal with anxiety on a regular basis, especially when I’m outside of my home. For me, it’s important to remain honesty. I have a hard time living with myself if I’m not honest. I truly believe that honesty is the best policy; it’s important that when we interact with others, you should treat them the way you want to be treated.

There are many reasons why I could struggle with insomnia. I wonder if this is something I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life. When I was a young child, I would fall asleep anywhere. Now, I have to force myself to fall asleep. And to make matters even worse, I tend to have nightmares when I finally do fall asleep. My husband says that he can tell when I’m having a bad dream because I talk very loudly in my sleep and I’m constantly tossing and turning. When I wake up, I don’t always remember my dream/nightmare, but I do remember feeling terrified. I wonder if there’s anything I can do to help get rid of these nightmares.

IBPF: Honesty Between Patients And Psychiatrists

IBPF: Honesty Between Patients And Psychiatrists

Today, I had my biography and my first blog posted on the International Bipolar Foundation (IBPF). My first blog talks about the importance of honesty between patients and psychiatrists. It explains how I have learned over time what a big role honesty and respect play in the relationships between patient and doctor.

You can find my first post on the IBPF website here.

You can find my biography on the IBPF website here.

How Much Medication Is Too Much?

How Much Medication Is Too Much?

I take a lot of medication, and I really mean a lot. I take medication for both my mental health and my physical health. I already take Lithium, Tegretol XR, Deplin, Clozapine, Mirapex, Cytomel, Valium, and Inositol all for my mental health. I also take Zofran, Percocet, Depo-Estradiol, and Depo-Testosterone for my physical health. This doesn’t even include my multiple inhalers and breathing treatments. I’m hoping that I can decrease the meds over time. The first medication I want to go off of is the Deplin. It’s really expensive and I don’t think it’s been doing me any good. I have to wait until I’ve been off of ECT for a while before making any changes to my mental health medications.

A doctor told me this past week that a certain medication may help my bladder condition, but it would be a lifelong medication. I laughed, sarcastically, and told her that wouldn’t be a problem for me. I’m already on a lot of other meds that are lifelong ventures, adding one more to that list is no big deal. Plus, it would be awesome if I could eventually stop getting bladder installations done every week. The new medication is called Elmiron, and the problem is that it’s very expensive. The cheapest I found it was $224 a month. Luckily, my aunt found a patient assistance program that I’m qualified for. I have already filled out my portion of the paper work. I will have my doctor fill out the rest of the documents (which isn’t much) and then I can send it in. I’m excited to find out how much this program will help me.

I often wonder how much is too much. It’s hard to get off medications once you start them because everything has to be done slowly in order to know what medication is causing or helping each issue. Most of my medications are for my mental health, but there are still many that I take because of my physical health. Also, a couple of my meds from both physical and mental health are taken only as needed, so I don’t take them every day. For example, I only take the Zofran when I’m nauseous, the Percocet for pain, and Valium for anxiety attacks. I try to take these meds as little as possible; I don’t want to become dependent on them. I’m sure that I’ll always be on medication, but maybe one day I won’t have to take as much as I do right now. I wonder how many other people take as much medication as I do.

Do You Have Negative Thoughts Like I Do?

Do You Have Negative Thoughts Like I Do?

I always do everything I’m told, and I think it’s catching up with me. I don’t want to cause any problems, but I feel like I need a vacation from my life, from myself, from my health. Just out of curiosity, I’m wondering how many people have had the same thoughts as the following:

  1. I’m always compliant with my medications and my treatments. Sometimes I just want to say screw it all and not take my meds. I wonder how much they’re really helping anyway. What’s the point of taking all these meds without knowing that they are definitely working?
  2. I’m an insomniac. The Clozapine has been helping me sleep for the most part lately, but I still wake up several times throughout the night. Why do I keep forcing myself to fall asleep? For some reason, I’m always hungry when I wake up. Maybe I should try to see if I get tired on my own. I’m an insomniac; I have problems sleeping, not getting tired.
  3. Sometimes, I’m get tired of doing the reasonable or rational thing. On occasion, I just want to do whatever I feel like doing without people saying it’s because of my mental health.

These are just a few of the things that have been going on in my mind lately. I think I’m just a bit frustrated with everything, and I’m wondering if other people have similar thoughts as I do. If others do have these thinking issues, what do you do to get through them?

Managing My Health

Managing My Health

Sometimes I feel like all I do is go to doctor appointments, pick up my prescriptions, and manage my prescription refills. This week, I have two doctor appointments and another appointment for blood work. That’s about how many appointments I have each week. I feel pathetic. Most of my life is spent attempting to manage my health, especially my mental health.

My current meds are: Lithium 450mg twice a day, Tegretol 200mg one in the am and two at night, Cytomel 37.5mcg in the am, Clozapine 200mg at night, Deplin 15mg at night, Mirapex 1mg three times a day, Inositol 500mg in the am, Depo Estradiol injection weekly, Depo Testosterone injection monthly, Valium 10mg twice daily as needed, Percocet 10mg as needed up to four times a day, and Zofran 4mg once daily as needed. It’s difficult to manage this many medications, but I do it pretty well. I’ve gotten used to it; I’ve developed a system so I get all my meds filled on time without missing a day.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Thursday to discuss my Clozapine dosage. I’ll probably end up with more than one medication change. I’m hoping to get off the Deplin. It’s really expensive and it doesn’t appear to be making a difference. We’ll see what happens on Thursday.