Extra Layover Time

My flight landed 15 minutes early. It went well, no problems. I have 2 hours and 15 minutes until my next flight boards, that’s a long layover. It’s a crowded airport, but I was able to find a seat with my back against a wall. I know I can’t stay here the whole time. I’ll have to get up at some point to get a snack for my next flight. That’s when my heart starts racing again because I’m back in the crowd. I hate crowds. I wish there was a better way to travel alone.

I’m trying to figure out when to take my next Valium. I only get 2 a day, and I can feel the first one wearing off. I don’t want to take the next one too soon because it will wear off when I need it. If I take it too late then it won’t kick in on time. I think I’ll take it in about an hour. That way, it can help me with the boarding process for my next flight, which is the hardest part of it all. I’ll just have to deal with part of the flight, which is over 4 hours long. I have a very hard time being that close to others. I guess I’ll just do the best that I can.

I really just want this day to be over with. I want to sit on the couch with my husband and simply relax (as much as I can relax). It will be soon.

Getting Ready To Go Home

I leave tomorrow to go back home. I’m both saddened and excited at the same time. I don’t want to leave my mom and other family members; however, I miss my husband, his (my) family, my dog, and my routine. I’m close with my husband’s family, I feel like they are my family, not just my in-laws. I’ll be home tomorrow night. My husband is picking me up from the airport and I can’t wait to see him.

I have lots to do today so I can go back home tomorrow. I’m anxious because I have so much to do and I’m not sure if I can get it all done, but I’ll do my best. I wrote my to-do list last night. Besides writing my blog, I have to email my doctor, wash my hair, do laundry, pack, try to go see my grandma once more, go to the local farmer’s market, and look for secondary health insurance. I also have a few things to help my mom with, while I’m still here. I know it sounds obvious to wash my hair, but it’s such a huge task because it’s so long that I feel it’s worthy of being on my to-do list. I can tie my hair in a knot, like a bun, and it stays up. I’ve been meaning to look at secondary health insurance, it might help to have something in addition to my primary insurance. I figured I would do it while I’m here so my mom can help me figure it out. Sometimes, I just get overwhelmed and can’t figure out how to do even the simplest of things.

I got so many other things done already this past week and was able to visit with so many people. I met with two family friends yesterday and was able to catch up with them. I had a great visit with both of them. My brother and his awesome wife invited me over for dinner last night. I’m honored that they would invite me, and we had a great time. I love how happy they are together.

Now, I just have to get moving so I can get all of these things done on my list. I can’t put off washing my hair, laundry, or packing any longer.

I Arrived!

I finally made it to my destination, and the stress of the trip was completely worth it. Some of the things I fear when traveling occurred, the rest of my fears were just thoughts that never took place. When standing in line to get on and off the planes, I made sure to wear my backpack to keep some distance between me and the person behind me. This worked a couple of times, but the other times I could feel the people behind me pushing up against my backpack. I was lucky to have polite people sitting next to me on the plane. However, the people behind me on the 4 hour flight were loud, obnoxious, and most likely drunk. I took medication as necessary; I did my best to time it all well.

I won’t take more than two pills of Valium in a day, that’s what my prescription is for, but I wanted to make sure that they would be effective when I needed them. I left my home at 9:20am and I arrived at my destination at 10:40pm. There’s no way that my Valium would be effective all day long. I had to choose when to take them so they would be most effective and helpful. I think I did a pretty good job today. It was all worth it when I got to hug my mom; she was waiting for me at baggage claim. Then we had over an hour drive back to her house to chat and share stories. We stayed up even later talking, probably because it’s so easy for us to talk to each other. I’m very blessed to be here with my mom and the rest of my family. I can’t wait to see everyone else starting tomorrow. I better start making a list of everything I need/want to do. Just because I’m on vacation, doesn’t mean I should stop making to-do lists; they really help me stay organized and focused.

Layover

I made it through my first flight. It wasn’t that bad. The people next to me were polite; the people behind me were loud and obnoxious. I’m halfway through my layover already. I had to walk from gate B to gate F. I wasn’t in a rush, so it was no big deal. Plus, it’s always nice to be able to stretch your legs after a 4 hour flight.

The rest of my layover and my next flight should be no problem. Then I get to see my mom! I’m hoping not to have to take another Valium, but the airport is extremely busy and starting to make me nervous and it is starting to be overwhelming. I’m not sure if I will take it or not, but at least I have it if I need it.

I can do this, positive thinking, keep saying it. It helped last time, it sure can’t hurt.

Off To The Airport

I’m all packed and ready to go. My ride will be here soon and then I’m off to the airport. All of the sudden, my nerves are kicking up. I’m afraid that anything could go wrong. What if I don’t make it to the airport on time? What if I miss my flight? Will I be able to find a comfortable spot to sit down while I’m at the airport? Will I end up sitting next to someone who is polite or annoying? There are so many thoughts and possibilities bouncing around in my mind. I don’t know the answer to any of them. No one knows the answer, until they actually happen.

I’m trying to figure out when to take my first Valium for the day. It’s an entire day of flying for me, which means I want to make sure my Valium lasts as long as possible. The one thing that’s making me feel better is that I know at the end of the day, I will be with my mom. That makes everything better. I can’t wait to give her a hug. She makes all of the airport crap worth it.

Well, it’s time to pack my laptop. Here I go…

Planning Ahead For My Trip

I’m trying to plan ahead, trying to get ready to go away again for 8 days. I always try to pack for any situation; you never know what you’ll need while you’re away. I’m even going to a different climate, making it even more difficult to pack. I have to go through my closets to find some long sleeve shirts in case it gets cold. I also have to find my suitcase that is somewhere in my garage. I’ve written out the list of everything I need to pack including toiletries, clothes, shoes, medicine, and extras. My plan is to lay everything out on the guest bed and check things off as I pack them in my suitcase.

I still have errands to run. My weekly prescription went through yesterday without any problems, which is the first time that happened problem free. I have to go grocery shopping and pick up my script today. I also want to go shopping for some clothes, mainly pants, if I have the time. All of that has to be done by the end of today. Tomorrow, I’m spending a good portion of the day with my in-laws; it’s my stepdaughter’s first Mother’s Day, and I won’t be available on Mother’s Day to be with any in-laws. I don’t like leaving things to the last minute. Tuesday morning I have to leave for the airport; I will need to be completely packed by Monday night and have my clothes for the day left out on the dresser. I plan on having everything laid out on the bed by the end of the day, and then simply packing everything by the end of the day tomorrow. A few things will be left out that I need in the morning; otherwise I will be ready to go.

While it’s important that I pack everything I could possible need, I also have to make sure I set my husband up so that he has everything he could need. I don’t have to do these things for my husband, but since he works and I don’t, I feel that I should do these things for him. I like to make sure my husband has all the food that he’ll need. I also have a couple of bills to take care of before I leave.

I’ve been told that I plan too much, but I don’t think that’s possible. I’ve been told that some things you can’t plan for, which is probably right, but there’s no harm in trying to plan. The way I plan is by making lists. I’m a very visual person and if it’s written down then it will get done. I try to think of every situation, like going out somewhere fancy and bringing back birthday/holiday gifts, to make sure I will have everything I need. I always believe it’s better to have something and not need it than need something and not have it.

Overwhelmed and Anxious

I have so many things to get done in a limited amount of time. So many things, such little time to do it in; we’ve all heard that before, we’ve all probably said that before. Right now, that seems to be my life, except I feel frozen. I’m struggling to get things done, even some of the smallest things. All I can think about is all of the other tasks I need to complete. It’s weird to have your brain running so fast but also be frozen at the same time. What do I do now? Where do I start? Sometimes I feel as if I’m outside of my own body. I feel as if I’m looking at myself and all the things I need to do, and still can’t get it all done.

I feel off, something feels off and I can’t pinpoint it. Is it because I forgot to take my Clozapine two nights ago? Maybe it’s because I’m on a time schedule? It could be because I’m dealing with what appears to be a minor depressive episode, hopefully it doesn’t get worse. It could just be because I’m about to go on another trip to visit my family. I love my family and we get along wonderfully, but it’s still stressful. I’m really looking forward to seeing my family. I can’t wait to have one-on-one time with my mom, nieces, nephew, aunt, grandma, and more. There are so many people to see, and I have only one week to get it all done in.

My best friend from high school just reached out to me and she wants to get together for lunch while I’m back where I grew up. I haven’t seen or talked to this girl since I was 17 or 18 years old. Now, she wants to catch up and that worries me. Now that I think about it, this is probably why I’m having so many issues right now. This is overwhelming. I tend to have anxiety attacks when I go visit my friends that I see regularly, what will happen when if I visit with someone I haven’t seen or talked to in over a decade. Thank goodness for Valium. I don’t take it that often when I’m in my normal surroundings, but I know I will go through quite a lot while I’m away. I won’t take more than I’m supposed to, but I’m allowed two 10 mg pills a day, and that is a lot to me.

Home From A Trip

Returning from a trip is exhausting. There is so much to catch up on, but I still have to unpack. We got home late last night; my husband went to go lay in bed after helping to empty the car. I decided it would be a better idea to unpack right then, than waking up to all of that work. As I was unpacking, my husband realized that we forgot something, a very important something, in the hotel. He was very upset about it, and I understood. I think I will drive back there today to go get it, if they still have it. Every time someone gets upset, I automatically think it’s because of me; I always feel as if I’m responsible, even when I’m not. Just because we got home last night doesn’t mean I have to complete everything I missed while I was away in just one day. There’s nothing wrong with catching up on things over a two or three-day period.

We had a great trip; it was a lot of fun. We went for a hike and saw some really cool hieroglyphics, we went to a ghost town and did a lot of stuff there, we went and saw a couple of movies, and we went to a friend’s wedding. I think the trip was a success. It’s just getting back to your normal life that is the exhausting part. To make matters even more confusing, I’m leaving to go across the country to see my family in 5 days. I can’t wait to see everyone. I love going back home; however, it’s a lot to do in a short amount of time. It will all be worth it in the end. In order to make things easier for my next trip, I should probably start by making a list of everything I need to pack. I should also find my luggage and do the laundry. I should start doing anything that will make my final day or two before I leave a little less stressful.

I should probably take some time for myself today, easier said than done. I don’t really know what that means. Whenever someone asks me what I want to do, I always say, “Whatever you want” or “It doesn’t matter to me”. I do that because I don’t really know what I want to do. Today, I have 12 years sober. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long. I wish I could look back and remember various times in my life, but ECT has made that extremely difficult. I know that it was hell when I was first getting sober and various times throughout the years. Maybe it’s all for the best that I can only remember snippets of things. I still don’t know what I’m going to do for myself today, but it will be something, even if it’s as simple as taking the dog for a nice walk. I need to do something for myself that I enjoy, and not something that has to get done.

A Couple of Days Away

My husband’s friend is getting married in a couple of days and we’re going to the wedding, which is about an hour away. He decided that he wanted to go away for a couple of nights before so that we could enjoy ourselves. I know that it’s also easier on his back so he doesn’t have to do a lot of driving all in one day, but going away for two nights is a choice he made. I’m so happy that he wanted to do this; every couple needs time away together. I’ve really been looking forward to this, now all I have to do is pack.

I made a list yesterday of everything I need to bring with me. Hopefully I’m not forgetting anything. The list makes it easier for me to pack. My list includes clothing, toiletries, shoes, electronics, and more. I cross things off my list once they’re packed. I’m going to start the actual packing once I done writing. I still have a couple of errands to run before we go, some of the errands I could do when we are on our way out.

My brother-in-law stays at our house while we are gone. He takes care of the house and dog for us, which saves us a lot of money. It also makes me feel safer, knowing that our house is not empty.

My husband and I have what we call a ‘Douchebag Jar’. We are so sarcastic in everything that we do; when we make extremely sarcastic statements we have to put a dollar in the jar, at least that’s how it started out. Then we realized we would go broke if we did that all the time, so we put a $5 cap on it, then we just started putting in $5 a day for anywhere from 4 to 7 days a week. I guess we basically put in what we can; we got the idea for the television show ‘New Girl’. The jar is our vacation fund. Any time we go away, the jar pays for it. It paid for most of our honeymoon and just about every trip we have been on, and it will be paying for this trip that we are about to take. It’s awesome to be able to go away and not feel like you’re paying for anything.

Preparing To Travel

Traveling is something that can be fun to do, depending on several factors such as how you get there, who you’re with, and your destination. I have two different getaways coming up, and I know that it’s time to start getting ready for at least the first one. I want to be prepared for them, and the only way to do that is to actually do the work, both physically and mentally. Traveling when you’re bipolar takes more than just packing. The more prepared I am for the actual traveling, time management, and visitations with others, the more I will enjoy my trip.

My first getaway is this Wednesday and it’s just one night away with my husband. A friend of his is getting married and we decided to go away the day before so we don’t have a lot of driving to do all in one day. Plus we get a night away from our normal lives, which every couple needs to do now and then. I should be looking up activities to do while we are away other than just go to the friend’s wedding. Instead, I’m just anxious about going somewhere I haven’t been before and going to a wedding where I’ll be surrounded my other people. I know that I’ll be with my husband, who makes me feel safe, so I’m sure everything will go okay. I just need to stop playing it all over and over in my head, that’s doing me no good. As I was writing this, I realized I need to start planning some things to do while I’m away with my husband, we like to stay active. With one simple Google search I found a Dolly Steamboat tour and an entire Ghost Town to explore! It was so simple, and it looks as though we will have a lot of fun together. We can start making plans soon when he gets home from work. I’m actually looking forward to it.

My next trip to plan for will take a lot more planning. I’m going across the country to visit my mom and the rest of my family. I will actually be with my mom on Mother’s Day, I can’t wait! The most difficult part of the trip is the flying. I love to fly, my dad was a pilot, but it’s the airports that get to me. People don’t respect each other’s space and everything is crowded from the security lines to the bathrooms. People act as if you’re going to win a million dollars by boarding the plane as quickly as possible; it’s the same problem when it comes to deboarding the plane. I don’t like to be rushed, so I get there early, but that just means I have to deal with the crowds longer. All I really want to do is find a quite place to myself, anywhere I can sit down and plug my laptop in while I wait for my plane. I look for the same thing during my layover. It’s not usually a successful venture, but it’s still worth a try. To keep myself calm I take my Valium and I remind myself all the time that I’m on my way to see my family. Nothing is better than being able to see my family.

I’m going to visit with my mom, nieces, nephew, aunt, grandmother, family friends, and even some old friends I’ve been out of touch with. I’m lucky that my family is extremely accepting of my bipolar disorder and my anxiety. It can be difficult to fit in everything I want to do during the short amount of time I’m there, especially when you’re trying to adjust to a different time zone. This time, I’ll be there for eight days. I’ll get as much done as I can, but I can’t overextend myself, traveling is hard enough already. It is hard living away from my family, I need to take advantage of the time that I do have with them while I’m there. This visit in particular, I’m looking forward to one-on-one time with certain people such as my mom, aunt, and grandmother. I mostly just hang out with my family, but there are a few things I want to do while I’m there. I want to complete my Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) with help from my mom, I still have to do blood work and get medication, I have a birthday gift for my niece, and there’s a 3D Leonardo Di Vinci exhibit I can’t wait to see. This is all I can think of at the moment. If I want to get all of that done, then I better start planning.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Category: Vacations