Marketplace Appeal Difficulties

I’m trying to follow through on an appeal that I sent into the Marketplace a couple of months ago. I received a letter basically saying that I need to pay back the tax credit we received in 2016. Fine, it was only a little bit each month. But I still don’t agree with their overall decision and I want to make sure that the same thing doesn’t happen for 2017. I gathered all of my information and called the number in the letter, but they weren’t very helpful.

I get so anxious over these type of issues and calling in to resolve issues. I don’t mind the first phone call because I can prepare myself for what I want to say. However, I don’t know how to respond when they answer or don’t answer my questions. I always end up saying, “Thanks for your help.” My anxiety prevents me from thinking on my feet. I’m going to get some help from my mom, she’s great at this kind of stuff. But I still need to work on responding to people on the spot.

It’s Not About Me

I followed through on my plan yesterday; I went to both of my blood work appointments and then went to the party for my step-son. The party started out great, but went downhill at the end. My mother-in-law was overwhelmed by the end of the party and wasn’t feeling well, so she said it was time for everyone to go. Normally, I would take that personally and I would spend the rest of the day trying to figure out what I did wrong. However, this time, I know that it wasn’t about me.

It was about her being overwhelmed and in pain. I simply said goodbye to everyone as we all left and went home. It’s so much easier not to take everything personally, but I’m normally not able to do that. I’m going to keep working on doing that in my every day life. It’s a lot less anxiety, fear, worry, and concern to deal with.

Putting Myself First

My step-son turns 25 today and my mother-in-law is throwing a last-minute party for him. I don’t like last-minute plans. Planning ahead helps me keep my anxiety down. The party is at 11:30, but I have a doctor’s appointment at 11:00am and blood work after that. I guess I will just show up late. Normally, I would reschedule my appointments, but I’m learning that I don’t have to drop everything every time someone invites me to something or asks me for help. I can take care of myself first. I have a hard time putting myself first, but the more I try, the easier it becomes.

Showing Up For A Friend

The other day I went to a friend’s house for a birthday party. The girl is a very close friend of mine and I wanted to show up and let her know that care about her. That’s what friends are for; we show up for each other. I took Valium to help me get through it. I stayed much longer than I expected and I had a good time. There were about 13 other people there. I wouldn’t have done that for anyone else, but I was happy to show up for her. It was good for me to get out of the house on my own.

Headed Home To Arizona

My husband and I are on our way back home to Phoenix. We’re in Philadelphia on our 3 hour layover. I don’t really want to go back to Phoenix. I never have enough time in Connecticut with my family no matter how long I’m there for. Maybe I should stay for two weeks the next time I go. I would like to stay long enough that I actually want to go back to Phoenix.

The party for my mom’s birthday went wonderfully. Everyone was thanking me for putting it all together, but I couldn’t have done it without everyone else. It was a potluck, so the majority of the food came from the guests. The only thing I made was quiche and I ordered an edible arrangement (which was definitely a big hit). I liked organizing the party because I always had something to do. I didn’t have to worry about conversations with other people since I was always moving.

I had a few great visits with my grandmother. She’s 91 years old and is doing very well. I love the fact that I can speak openly with her. She does her best to understand my limitations. It’s nice that she things of my husband as well. Sometimes our conversations are weird and don’t make sense, but when they are fantastic when they do.

I got to visit with my brother and his wife. I always enjoy talking to him. Our relationship has improved over the years. I also visited with my sister and her husband. That went well. She and I both work at our relationship; it’s a tense relationship, but it’s there. We will be okay as long as we keep working at it. Her kids are growing up so quickly. I love seeing them any chance I get. I spent some time with my aunt, who I get along with very well and enjoy talking to.

There was a lot more that we did over the past week. We got a Christmas tree, decorated a bit, visited with some friends, helped my aunt out with her party, finished a jigsaw puzzle (I love doing those), and wrapped a bunch of Christmas presents. I went through a lot of Valium, much more than I normally do, but still not as much as I’m prescribed. Since I didn’t have the time to post every day like I normally do, I guess that’s a basic overview of the past week. I missed posting every day and I’m excited to get back to my regular schedule.

Not A Moment To Rest

Life has been so busy, I haven’t had a moment to rest. Yesterday was the party for my mom’s birthday, and it was wonderful! Of course, my quiche didn’t turn out right. Every other time I make them, they are fantastic, but this time they took a lot longer to cook than ever before. However, the best part is that everyone got along and had a good time. Everyone thanked me for putting the party together; that made me feel good.

Saturday was also very busy. My husband and I helped my aunt get ready for a party she was hosting. I enjoy helping people out. It’s helpful to me when I have something to do. We also had dinner with a close friend.

Today has been a somewhat lazy day. We’re hanging out and putting up Christmas decorations. I can’t believe we leave in a day and a half. We’ve been extremely productive, but no matter how much we get done, there will always be more to do. I have to go now to run some errands.

Saying No – My Biggest Difficulty

It seems that I don’t know how to say no to anyone or anything. This time, it is affecting my husband. I tried to explain to him how difficult it is for me, but I don’t think he understood (not for a lack of trying). This is something that I really need to work on, but for some reason I haven’t found the right time to try it. Every time I come close to saying no to someone/something, I have an anxiety attack and freeze up. It becomes literally impossible for me to say no. I wonder if I’ll ever get over this. I suppose it’s one of my biggest fears.

Rough Day By Myself

Yesterday was a rough day. I couldn’t get myself to do almost anything. I did force myself to do a couple of things, but I had a lot more on my to-do list that did not get done. Normally, I do much better when I’m home by myself, but yesterday was not one of those days. Maybe it was my way of letting go of all the buildup from Thanksgiving. However, I have a family reunion tomorrow that I need to mentally prepare for. I will be cooking in the morning so I can bring some food with me to the get-together. I will be meeting some people for the first time. This is very anxiety provoking. I’m very thankful for Valium.

I have to really push myself harder. There’s only a couple of more days until I leave for Connecticut. I’m half ecstatic and half stressed/overwhelmed. I guess I’m worried about the unknown. That’s almost always what I worry about. Maybe I need to focus more on what I do know and less about the unknown.

Invited To Another Event

As if there weren’t already enough things to go to, I was invited to go to a graduation for a cousin. We just had Thanksgiving, then on Sunday I have a family reunion, then I travel for a week, then there’s a friend’s birthday party, and then we celebrate Christmas at two different places. Isn’t that enough to do? Plus, this graduation is an overnight event, and my husband wouldn’t be able to go.

When I was invited, I just said that I would have to check to see what’s going on at that time. I have to figure out how to say no. It should be okay to say no, that I have too much going on, but it makes me very nervous for some reason. I think it would be better to say no, than to go away for a couple of days without my husband and have anxiety attacks.

A Successful Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving ended up going pretty well. There were 17 people there, which is less than I was expecting. I knew all but 6 people, and I only took one Valium. I stayed close to the people I knew. At one point, one of my cousins asked how I handle large groups of people because he could see that I was anxious. I told him some of my tricks, like sitting in a corner or staying close to my husband. After dinner, several of us sat around the fire pit. I sat next to one family member who I’m very comfortable with and had a great conversation. That was the only part of the day that felt natural and easy.

The important part to remember is that I made it through the day. In the beginning, I wasn’t so sure if I was going to make it, but I did. Staying close to those I’m comfortable with really made the day possible.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Tag: Anxiety