For the past two nights, I’ve finally been sleeping and staying in bed all night long. For the past month or so, I would wake up after being asleep for only an hour or so. Then, I would come out on the couch and attempt to sleep. Sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn’t. But the last two nights I finally got a full night’s sleep. I think it’s even helping me feel better during the day.
I’m still having weird dreams. I remember them when I wake up, but then I forget them after a few minutes, just like I forget everything else. I wish my memory would start improving soon. I feel uncomfortable around people because I’m afraid I’m going to ask them the same thing multiple times. I don’t want to bother people. I’m just doing the best that I can.
I leave for ECT in about one hour. Last night I kept having dreams that I ate or drank something after midnight, therefore, I couldn’t do the ECT treatment. I had the same type of dream 3 times last night. The first one I drank a soda, the second one I ate a chocolate sprinkled donut, and the last one I had a glass of milk. I know I’m nervous about this treatment; that’s probably why that was happening.
I can feel my heart beating in my chest. My fingers are shaking, which is making it difficult to type. I’m rocking back and forth, which is one of the ways I help keep myself calm. I did it without even realizing it. I can do this. I can do this.
Last night I slept better than I have slept in months. I only got up once and I went back to sleep just under 30 minutes. Normally, I wake up once or twice, and I’m awake for anywhere between 1 and 3 hours. Sometimes, I wake up and can’t fall back to sleep at all. I’m happy that I was able to finally get the rest that need. Hopefully I can sleep like that again tonight.
I even remember the dream I had, which is very unusual for me. I remember handing out with an ex of mine. We met at school and then suddenly there were multiple tornadoes all over the place. The ex and I took cover and were safe. Just when we thought it was over, more tornadoes came. I don’t really believe that dreams mean something in our lives. I just find that dream interesting. The tornadoes were so real and scary.
Apparently, I was having some pretty bad nightmares last night. My husband woke me up to see if I was okay because I was tossing, turning, and screaming. I have no recollection of the nightmare I had. I decided to get up and go sleep on the couch. I was worried that the yelling would happen again and keep my husband awake. Since I don’t mind the couch, I figured that would be the perfect solution, and it was.
I don’t remember my dreams or nightmares very often. I know that I have them, I just can’t remember any of the details. I used to remember my dreams and nightmares, but that hasn’t happened for several months. I wonder if that’s due to a side effect of a medication.
I’ve been having nightmares lately. They’re so vivid that when I wake up, it takes me a while to figure out what is and is not real. Last night, it was sort of in between a nightmare and a dream. It wasn’t bad, just a little sad and very different from normal. I was dreaming about owning a horse and having to work at the barn to pay for the boarding. Then suddenly, I broke a leg and couldn’t do anything. I lost my horse, but even worse, all of my friends from that part of my life stopped talking to me. I was alone. The next thing I know, I woke up and was sad. It took about a minute to realize that my dream was not real. Normally my nightmares have me waking up crying and/or terrified. This was far from that, but it was memorable.
Insomnia and other sleeping disorders are common among patients with bipolar disorder. I personally have suffered from insomnia. I have taken Ambien, Lunesta, Seroquel, Trazodone, and other medications over the years to get me to sleep. Right now, the Clozapine I take gets me to sleep and keeps me asleep. It is also common for individuals with bipolar disorder to have very vivid dreams, especially nightmares.
Patients diagnosed with bipolar disorder often have strange and scary dreams. Many of these patients have anxiety in their dreams. Their type of dreams may also change depending on their status, whether they are manic or depressed. My husband tells me that I am very active at night. I tend to talk a lot in my sleep and I also move around a lot. I’m not sure, but I think that this is related to the type of dream I am having.
Nightmares tend to occur more often for those diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Personally, I tend to have very vivid and scary dreams, but if I don’t talk or write about them right away, I will easily forget the dreams. For the past couple of weeks, my dreams have been extremely vivid. Everything seems so real. The dreams I’m having are mostly everyday situations. I’ve actually had a few times when I’ve confused my dreams with real life. The dreams are common occurrences such as disagreements with my husband or family members, difficulties with doctor appointments for my physical health, or problems with pets.
One of the things that suck is that I have been feeling physical pain in my dreams, specifically bladder pain like I feel from my bladder disorder. I wish I could get rid of these dreams. Isn’t it enough that I have to deal with this crap during the day? Why do I have to deal with it again in my dreams? I had a conversation with my husband in one of my dreams. I ended up using that conversation from my dreams in a real life situation. My husband had no clue what I was talking about. It took me a while to realize that what I was talking about actually came from a dream.
I think I should start keeping track of my dreams. Maybe I’ll keep a journal next to my bed. This way I can write down what my dream was about as soon as I wake up. If I wait too long, then I completely forget what it was about. I’m interested to find out how my dreams change based on what episode I’m in.