Keep Trying

I went to another meeting last night, but I didn’t like that one as much as I liked the one on Wednesday night. I will have to try out many different meetings until I find the one that’s right for me, I have hope. Even though I didn’t like the meeting, I stayed for the whole thing. The important part is that I keep trying. I won’t be able to go to a meeting today because I have another ECT treatment, but maybe I’ll try again on Saturday. I have to keep putting myself out there. I really want to have that community that I used to have when I was going to meetings all the time. I can’t give up.

Excitement and Worrisome

Yesterday was a very tough day for me. I spent the entire day waiting to find out if the sellers of the house we like are going to accept our offer or not. We spent the whole day waiting to hear and the day ended still without finding out any news. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I can tell you for certain that I’m not good at waiting. Hopefully we will get an answer later today; and of course we’re hoping that it’s going to be a positive response.

Other than the anxiety and waiting, yesterday was a physically painful day. I was having a lot of pain, it was probably due to the increased stress. I was also working on my taxes, which is a stressful and time-consuming task.

This morning, I have another ECT treatment; I think that this is my 8th treatment in this series. After ECT, I will have the opportunity to rest, if I can, but I usually can’t. Then tomorrow evening, my granddaughter is supposed to be coming over and we can all go out to eat. My mom has not had the ability to meet her yet, so I’m really looking forward to this opportunity that they’ll have.

I’m hoping that tomorrow is going to be a better day than today. I just need to figure out how to relax a little more. Looking for houses is definitely exciting, but is not at all relaxing. It’s more worrisome than anything else. I’m lucky I have the love and support from my husband and my mom to get me through every moment. They could both look at me and tell (just my looking at me) that I was having a rough day. I tried to pretend I was okay, but the people who know me best could tell that I was having a difficult time.

Lots To Do Before My Mom Arrives

I got a lot of stuff done today, especially since I started my day out with another ECT treatment. I tried to rest after my ECT, but it didn’t work at all. I just laid in bed for about 30 minutes without the ability to fall asleep; it was extremely frustrating. I also went grocery shopping and worked on my taxes. And soon, I’m about to start cooking dinner; beef and bacon smoked sausage with sun-dried tomatoes and mushrooms. Tomorrow is going to be an even busier day; my dog goes to the vet for a bath, then I have an appointment with my therapist, I need to get my regular blood work done, I need to clean my house, and then my mom comes to visit for a week (yay!!!) I have no clue when I’m going to find time to clean the house and get everything done, but somehow I will make it work.

I also bought tickets to a Coyotes (hockey) game for next Monday. The seats are 4th row almost center ice for only $60 a piece. My husband and I could pass up the deal. This is going to be only my 2nd time with seats this good.

While my mom is visiting, we have lots to do. Everyone (meaning my in-laws) all want to visit with my mom, so I’ve scheduled for us to go out to a few different meals. I understand why my in-laws want to spend time with my mom, and of course I want them to all spend time together; however, I don’t really want to share any of the time that I have with her. I am sharing our time together, but I’m quite a bit jealous.

Awake Early

I woke up extra early today for some reason, hours earlier than I planned on waking up. Of course, it happened on a day that I can’t eat or drink anything because I’m having ECT done later this morning. I’m always thirsty in the mornings when I can’t drink. Oh well, I’ll just have to deal with it for a few hours.

I can’t do much of anything today since I can’t drive due to the anesthesia. However, tomorrow is going to be an extremely busy day. Tomorrow, I’m supposed to clean the house, bring the dog in for a bath, go to a therapy appointment, go to the bank, get my blood work done, and pick my mom up from the airport. Maybe I’ll start a little early and I’ll begin cleaning the house today. I bet that would make things easier (especially since my husband is having someone over tomorrow to play video games and they say I get in the way when I’m vacuuming.)

Last week, after my last ECT, I came home and tried to sleep I couldn’t. That’s actually happened to me twice now. Maybe if I don’t try to go to bed after today’s treatment, then perhaps I’ll fall asleep on the couch when I’m not trying to. We will just have to wait and see.

Another ECT Treatment

I had an ECT treatment just a few hours ago. The treatment went well. I got home and rested on the couch. I keep falling asleep and waking up. It’s somewhat annoying. I don’t mind that I’m falling asleep, I just wish I could stay asleep and actually get some rest. Sometimes, after ECT, I fall asleep for hours, and some other times I can’t fall asleep at all. Today, I’m only getting about 30 minutes of rest at a time, and my body needs more than that. In fact, I’ve fallen asleep about 3 or 4 times while writing this. At this point, I’m going to go lay down and try to get some more rest. Hopefully, if I get some rest, I’ll be able to stay awake and watch a movie.

ECT Today

I have my next ECT treatment in a couple of hours. I think they have been helping a little bit so far. Since I started the treatments, I am finally able to fall asleep quickly and stay asleep throughout the night. Prior to restarting ECT, I was not able to fall asleep easily, and when I did fall asleep, I woke up within a couple of hours. The progress with my sleep is huge! I wonder what will change next because of the ECT treatments. It would be nice if it could help my depression. I guess I just have to wait and see.

Today’s ECT

My ECT treatment went very well today. I have some memory loss, but that’s normal. I don’t remember anything about today from before the treatment. I woke up very confused and with a major headache (that happens sometimes), but other than that, I’m okay. It was nice having my mother-in-law there. She was extremely helpful and supportive. I’m still doing the treatments twice a week, I don’t know how long that will last.

I think that my sleep has been improving since I restarted ECT. Before I restarted ECT, I would fall asleep and only stay asleep anywhere from 20 minutes to 1 hour. Then I would be awake and stay awake for hours. Only occasionally would I be able to fall back asleep, so I wasn’t getting much sleep at all. Now, I’m able to fall asleep within 1 hour and luckily, I can stay asleep for most of the night. My psychiatrist says that it is a huge progress.

My Next ECT Treatment

Just to update you from yesterday’s difficulty getting my prescription filled, I did finally get the script. It took about 4 more phone calls. It’s ridiculous that I even have to call them at all. Hopefully they will figure it out for the next time.

Today I have another ECT treatment, my appointment is in two hours. Since my husband is working, I asked my mother-in-law if she could bring me. I don’t like asking others for help, but sometimes you have to. When I asked her, she responded happily, she said, “Of course, that’s what family is for.” I felt a huge relief when she said that. She really does make me feel comfortable and feel like family. I hate asking for help, but I did it and it all worked out. I’m hoping that I will one day learn that asking for help is not a bad thing.

Everyone from my family lives far away (I’m the one that moved away). Most of them live in Connecticut and Massachusetts. So living in Arizona can be lonely. I’m very lucky to have my husband’s family who all live close to us. They have taken me in as their own family. My mother-in-law bringing me to my appointment is another example of how they treat me like their own.

Dealing With Memory Loss

I’ve been back at ECT for almost two weeks now, and it’s already messing with my memory. It’s so frustrating for and it appears to be frustrating for those around me. I do my best to remember what’s happening in my day to day life, but it doesn’t seem to matter how hard I try. I feel like it’s going to upset others in my life. I can only do my best, I just hope that my best is enough. Hopefully, the two new medications I started (which are for Alzheimer’s) will start working soon.

Two New Meds

Today, I start two new medications. They are Donepezil (Aricept) and Memantine (Namenda). Both of these medications are meant to treat the memory loss that goes along with Alzheimer’s and dementia. I’m taking it because of the severe memory loss that I experienced the last time I did ECT. I’ve only been doing ECT again for the past two weeks, and I’m already experiencing some memory loss and cognitive changes. I’m trying to stay positive about starting these two new medications. I’m hopeful that they will help with the memory problems.

I’m not a fan of adding new medications to my already huge list of meds. However, if the new medications can help fix a difficult side effect of the ECT treatments, then I am 100% willing to try them out. I’ll try the meds for a couple of months, and if they don’t help out, then I will stop them.

My Side of the Pole

Bipolar – Mental Health

Tag: ECT