Please check out my most recent article on The International Bipolar Foundation (IBPF) blog. The article, Trust In Your Medication Changes, talks about how I manage and trust in my medications, treatments, and doctors. Please check it out.
You can find all of my posts on the IBPF website here.
I spoke to my old sponsor last night and I asked her if she would bring me to a meeting. She was happy to do it. She even thanked me for asking her to do this favor. I suppose she thinks of it as service work. It turns out that it helps both of us! She knows me well, so she understands why I didn’t want to go to the meeting alone. I also told her that I know my husband would have been happy to bring me, but I wanted the support of a woman. Both she and my husband understood that.
We are going to meet on Wednesday evening for the 6pm meeting at the hall that I used to go to. We are going to try and meet a little bit early so we have time to talk. I’m looking forward to this but I’m also extremely nervous/terrified. With my friend’s help, I know I can do this. I’m lucky to have all of the support from my friends and family.
Our realtor is a person that my husband and I have known for a very long time. We met her over a decade ago in the rooms of AA. One of the times that we met up with her regarding the house hunting, we met at a place where I used to go to meetings almost every day. I stopped going to meetings a few years ago because I was sick and tired of people telling me I wasn’t sober because of the medications I was taking. The meetings also caused a lot of anxiety for me and it just got to be too much for me to handle.
Meeting my realtor at my old meeting hall brought back a feeling of serenity that I’ve been missing. The meeting hall moved to a different place and I was afraid to go because I don’t like going anywhere new on my own. Now that I’ve been there (even though it was just for a few moments) I think I want to go back to a meeting. I’m not comfortable going on my own, so I’m going to ask my old sponsor if she would accompany me to a meeting. I’m hoping that I have the courage to go to a meeting in the next couple of weeks.
If/when I go to a meeting, I just need to keep my mental health separate. Talking about my mental health is probably not the best idea in an AA meeting.
Life has been so overwhelming, but also extremely exciting at the same time. We bought a house this past week. It’s amazing and perfect for us. I feel safe there, the community is wonderful. Security is a huge thing for me. Where we currently live, I have an anxiety or panic attack every time someone knocks on the door. There are also random gunshots at night. I don’t feel safe walking my dog. I don’t have any of these problems in our new community. There’s a neighborhood watch, the cops patrol the area, and I feel comfortable waving to people (and they even wave back). I can’t wait to move into our new house.
Buying a house is so exciting, but there’s also so much to it. It can be overwhelming just making sure that all of the papers are signed properly. We may even have a tag sale before we move so we can get rid of some of the stuff we don’t want. I don’t want to do the tag sale because I don’t want to deal with strangers. So I decided that if my brother-in-law does it all, then I would split the money with him. I’ll have to talk to him about that soon and see what he says.
I had an amazing visit with my mom. She hasn’t even been gone for 24 hours, and I already miss her. We already started talking about our next visit. I will probably go back in August to go to Cape Cod, and she will probably come back out here in November when the weather is cool again. The best thing about Cape Cod, is that after the first day, it’s just me and my mom. We don’t have to share each other with other people. Hopefully time will fly by.
I’ve been having a great time with my mom. Her visit is extended a couple of days because of the huge blizzard that they are having back east. Both my husband and I are ecstatic to have her for another couple of days.
Mom and I are going to go get haircuts today. Yesterday, we went to a gun range. It was mom’s first time shooting a gun, and it was only my 4th time. The man who worked at the gun range helped explain how to do everything properly. We all did really well, hitting our targets exactly where we planned. We’ve also been spending a lot of time looking at houses. My goodness is that exhausting. In a few hours, we are going to go look at some more houses. It’s hard to find the right house in the right neighborhood.
Yesterday, both my husband and I got to spend time with our granddaughter, Lacey. And even better, my mom finally got to meet her and spend some time with her. She’s such a good kid and is absolutely adorable. She was happy to just tag along as we ran errands around town and she did really well when we were out at dinner.
Yesterday was a rough day because of my ECT treatment, but I pushed through. I had a lot of pain, and even more memory loss than normal, but things evened out as the day went on.
I have a week off from ECT because my doctor is going on vacation. I’m kind of excited to be giving my brain a rest; I know that both my brain and body could use a break. Plus, it gives me more time to spend with my mom and my husband.
Yesterday was a very tough day for me. I spent the entire day waiting to find out if the sellers of the house we like are going to accept our offer or not. We spent the whole day waiting to hear and the day ended still without finding out any news. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I can tell you for certain that I’m not good at waiting. Hopefully we will get an answer later today; and of course we’re hoping that it’s going to be a positive response.
Other than the anxiety and waiting, yesterday was a physically painful day. I was having a lot of pain, it was probably due to the increased stress. I was also working on my taxes, which is a stressful and time-consuming task.
This morning, I have another ECT treatment; I think that this is my 8th treatment in this series. After ECT, I will have the opportunity to rest, if I can, but I usually can’t. Then tomorrow evening, my granddaughter is supposed to be coming over and we can all go out to eat. My mom has not had the ability to meet her yet, so I’m really looking forward to this opportunity that they’ll have.
I’m hoping that tomorrow is going to be a better day than today. I just need to figure out how to relax a little more. Looking for houses is definitely exciting, but is not at all relaxing. It’s more worrisome than anything else. I’m lucky I have the love and support from my husband and my mom to get me through every moment. They could both look at me and tell (just my looking at me) that I was having a rough day. I tried to pretend I was okay, but the people who know me best could tell that I was having a difficult time.
Yesterday was a great, but busy day with my mom. It started out by taking my dog, Cash, to the vet because he was peeing blood and foam. He doesn’t act like he’s in pain, but it still worries me. The vet thinks it’s an infection, so they started him off with an injection of antibiotics and then gave him more antibiotics (2 pills twice a day).
After that, we went to look at houses. A friend of ours, from program, is a realtor, so it’s nice to have someone that we trust. After looking at probably 5 houses, we ended up finding a house that we love! I’m hoping they accept our offer. Now, it’s just a waiting game. I hate waiting.
I have no clue why, but for some reason, I woke up at 4am this morning. It was hours earlier than I planned on waking up. And when I woke up, I was wide awake. There was no going back to sleep for me. So I decided to get some stuff done. I might as well be productive since I have such a busy day ahead of me. I started by doing some laundry, then I cleaned the kitchen, and then one of the bathrooms. I’m trying hard no to make any noise so I don’t wake my husband. He was awake at 4am when I woke up, but unlike me, he was able to go back to sleep.
I’m glad I’m getting stuff done early, it will make the rest of my day a lot easier. I’ve actually completed half of the cleaning! I’m going to bring my dog to the groomers very shortly, that way he doesn’t smell bad while my mom is here. I do admit I’m a little frustrated that while I’m trying to clean, my husband is having his brother over to play video games. Somehow, I’m just going to make it clear that they have to pick up after themselves. Hopefully it works out.
Once all that is done, I’m excited for my mom to come visit. My mom is one of my best friends, she’s the best, and I don’t have enough time to spend with her. So I get her for 8 days, which is amazing! Just so you know, I do clean this intensely on a regular basis. I generally clean the whole house once a week.
My Side of the Pole 